Why it’s difficult to Define ‘sex’ and Why its use is a Functional Disparity? – A Psychological Perspective

This article might be an uncomfortable read from a layman’s perspective and they might affirm it closer towards that mental health professionals are ‘psyche’ or ‘crazy’.  Nevertheless, this article holds a strong potential to be understood from a psychological standpoint for a deeper insight into why the word when abused is distressing and painful. Gathering information and aligning to different view-possibilities of psychology and applying to a particular social structure of society.

An attempt to make psychological awareness and presenting psychology as a proven science in a more effective manner. The base of the paper remains both empirical and theoretical, as observation, self-tried, and error methods, as case studies, are used as empirical tools. Whereas, prominent theoretical principles and aspects are taken from the available library of resources for defining the principles and processes.

Since, it holds a qualitative methodology as a statistical tool, despite keeping an arbitrary zero degree of objectivity, some degree of self-bias will be reflected. Thus, it shouldn’t be considered a truth book an ultimate statement or an ultimatum to evaluate the author and authenticity of the article in any skewed direction. Have a holistic approach to hearing the thoughts I am presenting with regard to the quoted title.

As it is case-focused, it has a larger capacity to be applied to other approaches as well. Hoping you have a good read. Understanding the concept of ‘sex’, ‘sex becoming rape’, rape becoming a trauma, trauma requiring help and its impact on life as a cycle from different psychological perspectives. 

Read More: Sexuality vs. Gender: What’s the Difference?

Few thoughts before we jump right into the Perspectives. They are

1. Sex is a motivational need that creates a drive to be fulfilled to provide a person with the idea of relief, relaxation or recreation. 
2. Here, the sex spectrum is specifically taken into consideration and it’s not divided into just the binary sexes usually associated with.
3. Further will explore how this stress is a negative conflict resolution and relief from a toxic person/event/situation or an effective stress to benefit the relationship between two people. 
4. Drawing from the Yin-Yang conception, each sex and its sexuality is derived to define the holistic nature the individual is seeking and which aspect, the yin or the yang is dominant in the human to be satisfied. 
5. Sex is a social goal, thus it has its own structure from a social perspective despite being a biological-oriented activity. It defines who is considered attractive, what body part is attractive, which body type is attractive and the social use and purpose of genitals. 
6. Lastly, our life is a continuous series of simultaneously cycling circles for us to feel motivated and reach the set goal. This is influenced by our relationships with other individuals, our relationships with social phenomena, social ideas, culture, community, ethics etc.
7. Here, sex is understood from the perspective of an intersexual activity which involves the interaction of the genitals of the two sexes to provide a sense of holism. This further leads to feelings of pleasure, recreation, exploration, relief, frustration releaser or/and a form of conflict resolution.
8. These feelings as expressed as experiencing emotional stress as the motivational drive is seeking for goal-orientation and achievement. This can be further defined as per the feelings/emotion perspective of positivity or negativity. This emotion can be attached to the process or the actual achievement of the activity. 
9. Every sexual experience is a reflection of naturally occurring social phenomena-it requires power-sharing dynamics. This helps in defining further what is right, what’s wrong, who is dominant and who is submissive (surface/metaphorical sense; for instance, men feel powerful on successful ejaculation and it’s a visible quantity and involves a particular set of behaviours to reach it. But, it’s actually women, in front of whom men are weakened due to men’s excessive exposure and conditioned orientation towards sex as part of being masculine- core understanding as per Behavioural Perspective), whose set of behaviours are offensive, which are negative and what provides pleasure to whom. 

Read More: The Importance of Sex Education over Pornography

Psychological Perspectives

1. Psychodynamic perspective- Freudian and Neo-Freudian
2. Behavioural perspective 
3. Gestalt perspective 
4. Social perspective 
5. Humanistic perspective 

1. Psychodynamic Perspective

Largely recognised and known by Freudian psychoanalysis, this perspective is its favourite place to explore and discuss, since Freud’s work largely dominated around sex, unconscious conflicts and anxiety and defence mechanisms emerging from the unresolved unconscious conflicts. Though the neo-classical approach has it own contribution, it mainly defines the individualistic aspect (here, individualistic refers to the idea of suiting to or suited for certain functional groups, not in singularity). A few takeaways from each category of psychodynamics are here to be helped: 

1. Pain equals pleasure- Taking from childhood experiences, if the person is exposed to a lot of challenges and stress, s/he habituates to it in a way that they start to live in pain and find it as a comfortable spot to be in. But the idea sold through media and population is to be ‘pain-relief’, thus they are usually found battling to feel guilty about enjoying the pleasure of pain or working towards working through it. A lot of resistance is met through people to seek therapy or reach to a point of resolution because in a way it’s a defensive approach that their body has formed to deal with the stress also this way achieves bringing people to pay attention to the person or feel accepted in some form that s/he tends to stick to it, even though it leads them pain. 
2. Obsession with Genitalia: As per social standards, men are considered to be superior and have more important resources than women. This is because they hold the capacity of generating sperm which benefits the idea of reproduction. Furthermore, the ideation of masculinity and men’s and women’s orientation of sex is more fixed due to the same reasons. More babies, more population, more survival chances overages. This has created the biggest divide we exist in – men being superior to women, allowing men to have more dominance over choices and force. Along with it, this view also contributes to the baggage of emotions attached to ‘sex’ and unresolved conflict issues in the unconscious mind. For instance, women weren’t allowed to explore their sexuality and choices as freely as men. This has been reflected in underreported rape and more risk-taking behaviours on their end. 
3. Sex as motivation and masturbation as a healthy way to cope with stress and explore oneself: Sex is a motivational drive from a bio-psych-social perspective. Biologically, it helps in reproduction and reproductive relationships. Socially, it gives security, power, social relationships, attachment and a new role to function. Psychologically, it places us in a state where feel ideally aligned with our body’s need of affiliation, power, and achievement.
4. Superior- inferior power-sharing: It helps people find themselves a community to belong to and define what role they play in sexual activity. 
5. Promotion of the ‘heroic image of males’ and internal misogyny within women indirectly ensures patriarchy retention and limited role of women. A lot of boys remain Mumma’s favourite and become a reflection of their father to be liked by their mother or paid attention to or cared for like their father. This leads to the development of an ideal role for women and ideal roles for men in terms of rules and functions. Thus, movies showing men as possessive, paying attention to through stalking and getting into toxic behaviours, it’s lauded and appreciated by women. Only a small group advocates against the invading forces and invariably uncomfortable behaviours. (Oedipus Complex) 
6. A collective unconscious that defines that sex is a survival technique as it helps in populating one’s species of humans and allowing for developing skills and mechanisms which ensures their survival in the world across generations. 
7. Order of birth defines the pattern of likelihood and behaviours of sexual activity the individual is likely to be indulged in. As per Adler, every child develops certain characteristics depending upon the order of birth, it also potentially influences the parenting and lifestyle of the person. The kind of control they then experience over their body defines their approach to involving themselves in sexual activities. 
8. Erik Erikson’s psycho-social development of an individual plays an influential role in determining what virtues an individual will develop and how it is associated with concepts of sex. A person lacking trust in the opposite sex might not lead to the development of healthy trust and impact sexual activity. 
9. Displacement: a technique or type of defence mechanism which per se to resolve conflicts or anxiety situations is used to take out the anger onto the considered ‘weakened person’ or ‘non-harming’ person 
10. Projection: complying with a sexual partner’s instructions because you feel you don’t want to upset him/her and invite non-intended distasteful conflicts. The actual idea is that they wish to follow the protocols as they find it more comfortable that way. As this assures of directed or expected pleasure from the sexual activity. 
11. Sex as a way to cope with Rejection: Since the person is low on self-esteem and confidence and high on feeling inferior to the partner or potential partner population due to a set of experiences and emotional coding, the person feels ‘rape’ as unconsented sex but pleasurable. This is because the person feels a sense of desirability and chances of acceptance in the referent group. Also, neglected childhood/ childhood trauma leads to the development of involvement in high-risk behaviours, an action like this, also makes them feel full about themselves. 

Read More: The Psychology Behind Rebound Sex

2. Behavioural Perspective

This perspective grounds itself on the idea that what’s observable and measurable is effectively controllable and helps keep track of activities a person can be involved in. These tangible experiences lead to the formulation of individuals. The approach was later modified and a focus on cognitive variables in facilitating the observation process was taken into consideration.

Behavioural perspective has a lot of contribution to human understanding and a lot of marketing strategies and learning of actual sex comes through it. It has played a major role in the development and accessibility of media and the influence of it on people. It has also fostered the dark side of dating and sexual relationships which can be tiring and harassing sometimes- Picking Up Artist- Someone who is good to lure in and pursues the potential partner in a way that the person ends up getting involved in sexual activity. The few takeaways from a visual perspective are : 

1. What is seen as attractive, is what is picked up: This has given celebrities an edge to pursue among the same gender and the opposite too. For instance, a lot of men worship Salman Khan or women Deepika Padukone for their bodies as considered closer to what’s an ideal body should look like. Hence, creating a lot of referent inspiring ideas and behaviours. It increases the occurrence of risk-taking behaviours as people go to dangerous and distressing stages to achieve the celebrity’s resemblance and feel acceptable in the social group. 
2. Sell the products/accessories/places by demarcating the needs as luxurious activities to afford and feel in style. This is what a lot of industries work upon, but is most cashed by the tourism industry where they sell places with exact pictures that are people’s friendly and that compels them to invest in the product. For example, increasing the tourism of Goa, by selling it as the coolest place in India to chill for youngsters, allowing them to breathe the movie-like experiences. 
3. The Reinforcement: this has numerous definitions and each has its unique perspective concerning the personal needs of the individual. For instance: for some being recognised as Porn suppler or Getting laid with some girls is kind of a pride status and makes others respect them for it. They tend to form an identity based on these ideas. 
4. The Classic Condition: Do more of it within your community to raise people of your genetics in a way they are skilled to adapt to changes to help them survive across generations. This condition justifies other conditions that take place to learn how what and when of it. 
5. Observational learning: what an individual is exposed to and If that seems reinforcing/rewarded and pleasant, it’s picked up by him/her. For instance, different positions and clothing to seduce the partner for good sex. 

Read More: Understanding Gender and Sexuality in Psychology

3. Gestalt perspective

The foreground of Gestalt’s psychological perspective is that ‘whole is greater than the sum of its parts’ i.e. an apple would be greater and more concrete than when cut into pieces and added. Another example could be how students arranged in rows and columns during an assembly at a particular distance will appear more as a whole of a large square than each row or column of students segregated height-wise or class etc.

Another aspect is that we look for pragnaz – full form or good form of an object. This implies that we don’t occupy our vision by minutely focusing on the atoms coming together to form an element, we will focus on the elements. Thus, when we come to hear or see something traumatic, especially about us, we seem to be more in shock as we focus on the traumatic experience and not on individual parts or scenarios leading to it. 

While we talk about Gestalt perspectives need to understand that, it’s trying to convey cognitive functioning ie making sense of or derivative of the meaning of indulging in the actions, reasoning its relativity and the level or degree of mental peace that’s attached to the activity. A few things to ponder upon for sex and gestalt perspective are:

1. Making meaning of the whole or holistically of the event. This involves intention, perception, action, interpretation and communication of what experiences while experiencing the sexual activity. 
2. Anticipation of what happens before, during, and after the performance of sexual activity can also have a determined impact on the emotional consideration of the sexual activity. An obvious understanding would quote, closer to what is anticipated is going to extract more meaning and satisfaction. But then surprises, do too play a part in it. 
3. It makes us focus on the ‘here and now’ perspective ie what is going on while performing a particular activity. Thus, we attach a meaning, make a decision and add a reasonable argument as to why we felt what we felt after performing or indulging in sex with someone. For instance, if I am performing with consensus the degree of pleasure can be high, but how is the person coming to the idea of consensus going to allow for more scope for attaching the meaning? Like, if the consensus is presumed automatically yes due to the marriage arrangement, it won’t be that enjoyable due to the partially uncomfortable condition involved. 
4. Focus on emotions is another cognitive standpoint that is quite oftentimes understated. The idea our brain interprets what the situation is like and how a person needs to emote and the role of appraisal and reinforcement highly speaks of the mental activity involved. This in no way belittles the physiological and overall psychological contribution to the understanding of emotions. In the simplest of examples, it’s called emotions- enabling motions in oneself by grasping the meaning of the physical condition or situation. 

There are a lot more argumentative and augmenting points for expanding our horizons and defining the overall flow of the course of experiencing and making sense of what it appears and feels like. Where a difference in global expectations of sex, individual expectations of sex and group expectations of sex make a difference in what happens during sex and what happens after sex has different prescriptions. 

Read More: SEXTING: A growing concern for adult’s mental health

4. Social Perspective

Humans are social animals. They demand the application of human values (love, care, anger, justice, freedom) in varied degrees depending upon the situation. They also demand a relationship with anything and anyone if they don’t exist in isolation they need to belong somewhere with some meaning. They also involve themselves in the idea of reciprocity ie not only in the idea of giving but also in expecting a return. What we understand from the Gestalt perspective which is most applicable here, there needs to be a purpose driving anything in humans and their social responsibility. 

This understanding proactively advocates for organisation, systems and relations, social determinants, and the idea of control and freedom and leads to the crafting of culture for human beings. Culture is unique to the nature of rule which is influenced by the environment, environmental influence on human personality and development, demand and availability of resources and line of communication adapted by people in the land-water community. This leads to the development of some collective norms, status, roles, ideation of cohesion and coercion initiating activities that are collective and which are individualistic. 

For instance, to establish this point, let’s understand marriage and first-night concept. Where start of a marriage is conferred upon wedding activities which is a collective participation of people coming together and contributing their bit of blessings and happiness through words and otherwise. Following these religious actualisations of relationships happens where they lay the idea of commitment and fulfilling the demands of the marriage however the situations and conditions arise in life thereafter.

To ensure this commitment, the forced idea of the first night happens. The idea behind its conception was to establish love and warmth, but after years of establishment of this practice, today it holds a more disturbing activity status and not everyone wants to perform this activity happily ever after. It can also be defined as a source of pain, filth, dirt or guilt.

But, the caretakers of the enforcement of cultural activities don’t bother themselves with unreasonable and unrequited arguments of the modern world. They believe in ensign the situation with rules and laws of culture. This leads to the way forward to divide and disparities between cultures as choice or enforcement.  Thus, sex as a social activity is more of:

1. Responsibility for holding up to culture 
2. Fulfilling the cultural obligation as commanded 
3. Definition of who is winking and who is winning the idea of love and attraction 
4. Survival of human phenotypical activity ie surviving of a particular human race, group, sex, etc.
5. Producing babies to ensure the carrying forward of the legacy of a particular human kingdom. 

Read More: Sexual Stigma and its relation with Psychological Well-Being

5. Humanistic Perspective 

This perspective is most intriguing and holds the most space and likeliness to be pursued by most people. This standpoint poses a threat to the previous viewpoints as it primarily focuses on wants of human nature i.e. freedom and striving for growth. It entails the idea of opportunities, love, unconditional regard, the difference between who you are and who you are expected to be and how things grow and build accommodations and acceptance in oneself and one’s lifestyle. This further ensures the methodology of assimilation of new information within one’s mindset and defining the need for procurement of human rights and opportunities to promote and progress. 

Moreover, this perspective is farther away from coercive control and stringent standards, it perpetuates that we need boundaries along with a flexible schedule which allows us to approach situations with more likelihood and in a way ensures the protection of one’s own self. It allows us not to be selfish or selfless but to talk more about self-care and self-improvement with mental wellness awareness. It forces us to think critically and make choices depending upon how we want to pursue things, surprising these are the most difficult situations for a human being. Do you know why? Due to years of oppression and strict enforcement of keeping to the structure breathing creatively is difficult. 

Today, we ask for art as an expression of seizing creativity and reopening the ceased doors to enter into one. The hovering command to stick to one thing in life that ensures success i.e. academia is so overwhelming that we forget that academia too demands creative opportunities to explore, discover, and think out of our comfort to reach out positive findings. We end up confusing people too, with academia and academic standards to be fulfilled by society.

This leads us to believe that an A grader with mugging and an A grader with an opportunistic mindset hold the same degree and they’ll go around spelling and speaking the same greatness. Sadly, we forget one consequence is related to the ego of the real world, whereas the other is related to the gratification of the internal mind. To establish the morality of the real world, we paint the internal mind and being an opportunistic person implant the seed that if you follow what your mind/heart says, it’s going to cause trouble and disturbance in the balance expected.

The few stumbles in the start, establish the point too, and people then find everything discomfiture. But, to be bewildered, the idea of disturbance, imbalance, and discomfort is a voice for change. It rightly places that if I want to keep the same mindset and progress towards betterment in life, that’s not happening at all. You have to change and become relevant to achieve sustainable success. Success is guaranteed otherwise as well, but harsh conditions will be harsh throughout. If you get success easily, you may fall the tip-point as easily as possible!

Taking learning from this and implying to sexual context, being a playboy or a pickup artist might guarantee easy sex, but it won’t guarantee a sustainable future or relationship. It’ll be mostly a one-time investment and if it works it’s great, if doesn’t then, you end up losing your bait. And underlying concern is that you are forcing them by convincing the other person that you are the best and hence you should have sex with them. You are failing to establish a strong rooted ground to nurture yourself and further the relationship to show the other person who you are and what capacities and capabilities you have to keep this relationship going and call it healthy. 

Today, with ease and increasing demand for ease, we somehow prefer more mental space which controls us and prevents us from the struggle of being human. Hence, today we are all controlled by artificial intelligence and everyone is trying to reach to that level in the pyramid where they can control other people and convince them without the actual work by simply copying and pasting and following the rules that ‘I am the best and if you want to be the best or successful, be like me or follow my path, my opinions, my views and believe it or not you too will reach this point easily. Just be consistent with what I do’ By bringing all these points together, offer my attention and share the knowledge that might be helpful in future situations, communication and policy formation. 

Through this article, I intended to establish the role of psychology specifically mental health largely in understanding human behaviour, thoughts and emotions. This ultimately comes together to form your attitude towards a particular thing, but before you form that or learn any of it, you require some logical answers, some reasoning and theorems that apply to understand humans and not mathematics.

And to leave you with good humour and some interesting thoughts to ponder upon critically Math is a human creation. It is a calculated mirror reflecting that if apply certain steps or theorems we will reach the same destination again and again, till the time we keep applying it. This destination is comfortable but the journey isn’t and it makes deliberate and think about the ways to ensure the correct application, how one minus can lead to the whole answer being wrong.

Similarly, in life, we strive for growth, freedom and happiness, we need a subtle structure, but we need to be cautious and mindful too not take things for granted and understand that guarantees to expire. Thus, one minus of a stable human value can lead to a domino effect of painful instances and loss of interest. The destination of attachment is comfortable, but reaching there requires a lot of deliberations and critical consideration.