Did you ever find yourself wondering about someone who insulted you or what went wrong at your job? Or maybe thinking about the problems that you keep on facing in your life? Just general negative thoughts popping up in your head all the time. Why do you think that happens, when did it became so hard to be positive. Why are we not always happy? It is a big conundrum for everyone. Why bad news draws more attention than good news? You switch on any news channel and all you hear is, this went bad and that went bad. Why is traumatic news given more attention, not to say positive news is not displayed but someone always finds something negative in that too? We listen more to the critics than the complimenters. We could not comprehend easily that someone would like to compliment us but we will readily accept when someone insults us or critique our ways.

The reason for all this is that negative events have a greater impact on our lives and brains that any positive occurrence that takes place. It’s hard to shake off the negativity than to accept positivity. Look around the world, no one focuses on the positive, we are more interested in learning what bad things are being done. People now a days, have stopped believing in second chances and personality changes. Can no one have a sudden epiphany that maybe they can be positive or good too. Attraction between people has turned negative, no one wants to be too cheerful and outgoing they want to mope around like broody teenagers. Pages all over the internet popping up about mistrust and betrayal, while there are very few mentions of true loyal friendships and undying love.

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Why does this happen? because any negative event teaches us more than any positive event can. A positive event is an ending, we learn what is to be done to attain a happy result, on the other hand a negative event leads to realizations, and it motivates us to think harder, think different. But does that mean we should just focus on the negative. This is not an article about how we focus on the negative events; this is about why we have increasingly negative thoughts. This is about understanding that, our way of thinking has shifted from thinking positive and creating happiness. No one goes out of their way to think negatively but instead of making things positive, we shift our focus to all the things that went wrong. Is it because for us happiness has become an unachievable state that no matter how much we look for cannot find.

How to identify when you are having negative thoughts:

• They are always believable no matter how illogical they may appear. We would rather believe a negative illogical statement about us rather than think that we may have a positive quality that people appreciate.

• Negative thoughts are catastrophic and always end with a bad outcome. It is a kind of self-defence, where we already anticipate the worst case scenario to save ourselves the heartache of failure. But if you think about the best scenario then you might be surprised how good you can do in an event.

• Negative thoughts involve words like ‘should’, ‘must’ or ‘ought’. Statements containing these words when directed to you lead to self blame, anger, guilt, disappointment and frustration. These words do not allow any modifications and thus lead to rigid, unchanging comments.

• Negative thoughts make you feel bad about yourself. They make you feel that you are not good enough and can never be good enough. This leads to feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.

•  Negative thoughts are biased. Only the negative parts are highlighted anything positive is ignored. Just because what you thought didn’t work, doesn’t mean anything else you do won’t.
•  Negative thoughts are always full of blame, either self or others. They do not take into account the characteristics or the environment or million other things that could have led to a failure.

•  Negative thoughts are pervasive and persistent. They play on a repeat, like a song on a loop. But instead they make you constantly lower your emotional wellbeing.

•  When you think negatively its all or nothing type of process.

Negativity hurts our productivity and motivations. It makes us feel hopeless and we give up on projects before starting one. We imagine everything that can go wrong and thus, don’t bother starting what we think cannot be finished. It makes us paranoid to the point that we stop making friends because, we believe that they will stab us in the back. It leads to feeling of loneliness and we start accepting defeat easily, we stop trying hard enough and thus it leads to negative conclusion we have already drawn, which makes us believe that our thought process is true. Do you see the endless circle of failure we make through our negative thoughts? So, what can we do to remedy our negative thoughts and break this endless circle?

How to deal with them:

Well, here are some points you can follow, though, these only work for people who are having normal negative thoughts not for people who are going through heartbreaks or trauma, which might require professional guidance or treatment.

1. Reframe the words of your goal

Be honest with yourself. You are the only one, who know your limits. Set an achievable goal. Do not try complicated ideas. Try what you know you can do. That does not mean you do not set high goals. Set small goals and work toward higher goals. Be open to receiving help and ideas.

2. Try to be aware of negative thoughts

 It’s a harsh world and negative thoughts creep on us, but be aware of your thoughts. Whenever you feel you are thinking negatively, change your tone. Take a break; watch something cheerful and full of humour. Call your friends, talk to them.

3. Keep a journal of gratitude

Before going to bed every night, remember or write down everything or everyone you are grateful to. Write about all the nice things that happened in day. Also, write about what bad things happened so that, you can rectify those things later on. And if those bad things were because of someone else, you should understand that it was out of your control.

4. Try distracting yourself

Play puzzle solving games or memory games when you feel too much negativity creeping into your thoughts. Games that do not contain violence! Violence increases chances of increment in negativity. Something that require your full focus like: crosswords or Sudoku’s. Instead of brooding over your thoughts, distract yourself by focusing your attention elsewhere.

5. Soak in all the positivity

Enjoy all your good experiences, even if they are small. Going out with your friends. Take a few photos for memories but then, shut your phone down and enjoy. Try to find joy in small things. Found a beautiful pair of shoes or fit into an old forgotten dress, cherish the joy and excitement!

Keep on working on all these ideas. Add your own that make you happy. People, it’s about time we find happiness by ourselves. You either have to take it or make it and it’s up to you, what you decide. Criticism is healthy, negativity is not.

For those who enjoy a little anime, if you have seen Naruto, you know that even if the whole world is against you but you have faith in yourself, you can accomplish your goals. Remember, a positive person feels happier by helping others and a negative person feels happier by demeaning others. Decide if you are positive or negative person?

You might say “Even if I try to be positive, it’s just all in my head, how does it affect me, it’s not real?” but, recall what Albus Dumbledore said, “Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

Only you have the right to make yourself happy or inferior and only you can change how you feel what others say or think should not affect your way of thinking. No one has the power to control your mind. Another saying by Rowling to always remember, “We do not need magic to transform our world. We carry all the power we need inside ourselves already.”