Peace is not to be created and love is not to be seeked. We be it on our journey!
The language of love is only meant for Romeos and Juliets on this planet. The stories of Adams and Eve are celebrated to be the labour of love! On a planet where the language of love is so confined to romance, it is a struggle to pave its way towards romanticizing love for the self. Are we so blind or kept blind to not see love being an expression towards filling our cup first?
We sadly live on a planet where Valentine’s Day is sold on discounts. It is said that Earth was created with the intention to see whether in the chaos of hatred and liberty of free will, can love thrive! The idea of creation being the primitive energy on the planet, love between masculine and feminine energy must have achieved its epitome!
Read More: Self Punishment and Self Love
The force of love is the basis of creation in the life force of energy. However, we failed to understand that creating has always been about self first. How can we imagine if Adam and Eve were never born? They had to be created independently to be interdependently in it with each other.
In the sudden wave of promoting wellness and self-love, we are still stuck on the bridge of considering self first to be selfish. For how long are we going to run away from coming face to face with ourselves and accepting ourselves? The biggest acceptance is the one with self. The thought of finding self-love to be selfish germinates from not considering oneself worthy of love and acceptance. The lack of acceptance sprouts from the early parental attachment to the child.
Read More: How Does a Child Develop Attachment Style?
If the child is not validated, it results in self-hatred which sadly results in people-pleasing behaviour. The people pleaser never realizes that he is being extremely hard on himself and forever runs being a people pleaser regardless of insults. Transactional Analysis calls this to be a ‘people pleaser’ driver. It drives the life of the individual. It keeps him constantly in an adaptive child and Critical parent tussle. It is time that we extend a helping hand towards ascending these people to love themselves. We could do this by:
1. Confrontation: Confrontation can work as the best mirror to look at themselves for probably the first time and explore self-hatred.
2. Worthiness: Helping them embrace worthiness towards self. Assuring them that it is okay to choose yourself and breathe.
3. Denying validations: It becomes a tendency to constantly seek validation for every task they do due to people-pleasing behaviour. It is important that we do not validate them as they should learn to validate themselves independently.
4. Showing them their patterns: It is natural to relapse into people-pleasing behaviours even after confrontation since it is a habit of ages. It is important to bring it to the individual’s consciousness constantly so that he learns to be mindful regarding it.
5. Forgiveness: There will be guilt and anger towards the self after a realization of self-neglect for ages. It is necessary to comfort the individual through the process of forgiveness.
Read More: Self-love as a form of Self-discipline
Lack of self-love could be because of many other factors. Out of which punitive parenting could be one aspect of it. It is time we learn to bring people home towards themselves. The ways and roots could be different for each, let us help each other on our journeys. Let us aid ourselves to love! Let us walk the language of love!
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