The Psychology Behind Vulnerable Narcissism 

A narcissist is characterized as someone who displays grandiosity and has a superiority complex. Famous figures such as Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Madonna and Kim Kardashian incorporate what is perceived as a deep need for admiration and evoke powerful, larger-than-life images. However, there is a prototype of narcissism which is hypersensitive. This type of narcissistic personality is called the Vulnerable Narcissist. 

A hypersensitive narcissistic personality is characterized by shyness and self-esteem dysregulation. They often oscillate between the wishful fantasy of grandiosity and intense shame and vulnerability due to their needs. Unlike Grandiose narcissists who have as their dominant emotions envy and aggression, Vulnerable narcissists have shame. 

The Psychodynamic Theory behind Narcissism 

Freud stated that every individual starts their life with a state of primary narcissism wherein they are focused just on the needs of their bodily requirements. At this early stage of life, they are unaware that these needs are being fulfilled by a distinct other. 

As and when they grow up, they realize the existence of others and give up the idea that they have unlimited power and control where all their wishes can be satisfied without any real-world obstacles. Secondary narcissism develops as compensation for this loss of wish-fulfillment and the individual seeks to return to this stage of infancy where there was unlimited power and control. 

According to psychodynamic theorists, narcissism emerges due to the inability of the parents to show empathy towards the child. The self that is then developed is flawed. Early life is filled with invalidation of emotions by parents and the child never learns healthy ways to express their emotions. The parent’s unwillingness to provide positive feedback causes low self-worth and self-esteem. 

The adult is then bound to make use of defences to manage the anxiety that stems from an overwhelming failure to get the parent’s approval. Since the parents have failed to provide approval, the child protects himself/herself by constructing a facade of exaggerated self-importance. 

Narcissism involves the individual viewing himself/herself as special and unique and other people as inferior. There are feelings of inadequacy beneath which emerge if there isn’t consistent praise provided to the narcissist. Narcissistic persons are either enraged or filled with shame, depending on the prototype of grandiosity or vulnerability, when faced with even minor criticism. 

Their sense of reality is compromised when it comes to self-evaluation or social comparison. Research shows that in areas that are unrelated to the self, the narcissist can perceive reality as it is, without any impairment.

Vulnerable Narcissism 

While grandiose narcissists are manipulative, aggressive, and charming, vulnerable narcissists are socially awkward, insecure and defensive. These people are highly sensitive to criticism and can become vengeful when they feel threatened. Grandiose narcissists use others to boost their sense of self, whereas vulnerable narcissists are dependent on others for validation while also being suspicious of them. 

Vulnerable narcissists experience negative effects like shame, envy, depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. In social situations, they lack the confidence and grace of a grandiose narcissist. They are highly emotionally reactive to what others have to say about them and constantly seek approval and feedback from them.

They misinterpret the actions of others as malicious due to which they act vindictively. Their insecure and defensive behaviours often push people away and in turn, cause more negative feelings and reactions. These individuals have a fragile and negative sense of self due to which they feel the pressure to meet the needs of others. They feel that to be accepted and valued they must be empathetic. 

Vulnerable narcissists also make use of emotional manipulation so that others feel sorry for them by making use of their vulnerabilities. They have an unnatural ability to make people feel guilty and pitiful for them. They use these tactics to gain attention and sympathy which boosts their self-concept. 

Vulnerable Narcissism and Empathy 

A lack of empathy is the hallmark of being a narcissist however recent evidence suggests that difficulties with empathy are because of a lack of motivation instead of inability. Grandiose narcissists usually have a disregard for the needs and feelings of others, but vulnerable narcissists are concerned about the needs of others. 

Vulnerable narcissists are known to have an emotional antennae where they can understand the feelings and emotions of others. They discount their own needs and instead serve others’ feelings. This perceived generosity makes them feel alive and needed by others which in turn fulfills their need for admiration. 

Eventually, they start depending on the reactions and needs of others which leads to disappointment and feeling unadmired for their selfless acts. This creates feelings of depression and emptiness that they hide from others to protect themselves. These individuals have boundary issues where they cannot differentiate their own emotions from those of others. 

It may appear that they are trying to meet the needs of others but their primary concern always remains their own despair and admiration needs. Even though they are deeply concerned about others, they struggle to understand them accurately because of their preoccupation with admiration for their selfless acts. 

How to Recognize a Vulnerable Narcissist 

• Vulnerable narcissists have a high sensitivity towards criticism wherein even constructive criticism is seen as a personal attack. They tend to perceive everything personally and feel insulted and victimized. 
• Vulnerable narcissists constantly seek emotional connections with others to boost their self-worth. They either play the victim or manipulate their partners to get admiration and approval. 
• These individuals get overwhelmed with negative emotions if they perceive criticism or rejection. They are prone to depression because of their poor self-image and self-doubt. 
• They cannot stand up for themselves and cannot be assertive. They please others and appear to be passive to gain others’ approval and not engage in conflict. 
• Vulnerable narcissists seek admiration and validation through their weaknesses, unlike grandiose narcissists who seek it through displays of self-importance. 
• They set high and impossible standards for themselves to be perfect in all areas of their life. They often become obsessed with their failures. 
• They often feel inferior to others in terms of success and develop feelings of resentment towards others’ accomplishments. 

Narcissism is a complex condition with multiple factors that are involved in the development of such patterns of behaviour. It is posited as a personal challenge however it also affects interpersonal relationships and professional interactions. Identifying the signs and symptoms of narcissism is the first step toward the development of a healthy self. Seeking therapy and introspection are among the first steps that a narcissist can take to get the help that is needed for a healthy personal and interpersonal life. With empathy, support from loved ones and the development of management strategies the challenges associated with this disorder can be navigated collectively.