The Psychology Behind Infatuation

Infatuation and love are two powerful emotions that often feel similar but have vastly different foundations. Infatuation is an intense and fleeting attraction that overwhelms the senses. It is often driven by physical desires and the idealization of the other person. Love, on the other hand, is deeper and more enduring. It is characterized by intimacy, trust, and a genuine connection. This connection withstands the tests of time and circumstances.

In the early stages of relationships, people often mistake love for infatuation due to the intense feelings that both emotions arouse. However, infatuation burns out early, leaving one disillusioned, and love evolves and grows with time, patience and mutual understanding. 

This article explores the psychological mechanisms behind infatuation. It examines how infatuation differs from love and provides guidance on how individuals can assess their emotions. This assessment helps them recognize whether they are in love with someone or simply infatuated with them. 

What is Infatuation? 

It is a complex emotional state that can lead to passionate feelings and impulsive behaviours. According to Eastwick and Finkel ( 2009), infatuation refers to a state characterised by intense feelings of passion toward a specific individual. The term infatuation typically refers to the early stages of romantic love, before the infatuated individual has had a chance to get to know or develop an intimate relationship with the love object. 

Meaning infatuation is based on the idealisation of someone. With an intense passion that goes beyond reason, infatuation is the feeling of being “head over heels” for someone without getting to properly know them. There is an overwhelming desire associated with infatuation. It can become So intense that it may become obsessive. People may rationalize their infatuation as love at first sight when they feel mesmerized by someone at first glance or during their initial meeting.

Individuals can also experience such obsession and admiration when they are infatuated with celebrities. They have fantasies about being in a romantic relationship with them and may even daydream about their life together as a couple. When someone becomes infatuated, their brain reacts in some intense ways. Chemicals called neurotransmitters flow into our brain, making us feel excited, nervous and even a bit obsessed.

Our hearts might race, our palms might sweat and our thoughts keep going back to the love object. This happens because chemicals like dopamine which make us “high”, really make us happy. It’s the same part of the brain that reacts when people eat something they love or when they even use certain drugs and alcohol. 

At the same time, serotonin drops. It makes us feel distracted. We are constantly thinking of the person almost like we can’t stop. That’s why early crushes or infatuation can feel so intense and all-consuming. In infatuation, a lot of what you’re feeling is more about excitement and obsession than long-term connection, which is why those feelings can fade over time. Real love grows as the excitement settles and the feelings of comfort and attachment deepen. 

Read More: 14 signs you are in a Healthy Relationship, According to Psychologists

What is Love? 

Love is an inexplicable feeling, and writers and poets have used countless words to capture its essence and the state of being in love. With so many perspectives and interpretations, it’s clear that love is a complex and dynamic emotion. 

In popular culture, we’ve come to understand love through various lenses. Take, for instance, Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice. Their love story evolves from initial misunderstandings to infatuation to a deep enduring bond based on mutual trust and admiration, respect and commitment, illustrating how love grows and changes over time, blurring the lines between emotional connection, attraction and dedication. 

But how does psychology explain love? According to the APA, love is “a complex emotion involving strong feelings of affection and tenderness for the love object, pleasurable sensations in their presence, devotion to their well-being, and sensitivity to their reactions to oneself.” Psychologist Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love offers a more structured approach, defining love through three essential components: intimacy, passion, and commitment.

Intimacy involves emotional closeness and trust, passion refers to physical and emotional attraction, and commitment is the decision to maintain the relationship long-term. These elements combine in various ways to form different types of love, from friendship (intimacy alone) to infatuation (passion alone) and even empty love (commitment without intimacy or passion). 

Sternberg outlines seven types of love, with consummate love—where all three components are present—representing the ideal form. However, he emphasises that maintaining such love requires constant effort, and relationships often shift over time. For example, passionate romantic love may transition into companionate love, marked by deep emotional connection and long-term commitment. Understanding this theory helps individuals evaluate their relationships, address areas that need work, and strive for a more balanced and fulfilling bond. 

Read More: Understanding the Triangular Theory of Love

Infatuation Vs Love 

Infatuation and love, as explained by Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, differ significantly in depth and longevity. Passion solely drives it—intense but fleeting. Love, particularly consummate love, balances passion with intimacy and commitment, forming a more enduring connection. Understanding this distinction helps differentiate short-term attraction from meaningful, long-term relationships. 

Langeslag and Strien (2019) differentiate between love and infatuation by describing the latter as “the overwhelming, amorous feeling for one individual.” 

The former is described as attachment “is the comforting feeling of emotional bonding with another individual, and is similar to the concepts ‘intimacy’ with ‘decision/commitment’, and ‘companionate love’”.

Attachment or love takes time to develop, whereas infatuation decreases quickly. Infatuation is more like a spark that fades, while love is more like a steady flame that gets stronger as you build a bond with the person. We can use these five points distinguishing between love and infatuation for a better understanding. 

• Basis: Infatuation is rooted in fantasy, where we project our desires onto someone and view them through an idealised lens. In contrast, love is grounded in reality, where we see the person for who they truly are, flaws and all. 
• Growth: Infatuation often declines quickly as reality sets in, while love is a slow, steady process of growth. It helps both partners evolve together, combining strengths and working through differences to build a strong, long-term bond. 
• Focus: Infatuation fixates on surface-level traits like physical appearance and how closely the person aligns with our imagined ideal. Love, however, focuses on deeper aspects, such as values, beliefs, and personality, which form the foundation of a meaningful connection. 
• Selflessness: Love involves putting the other person’s needs first, and nurturing the relationship through selfless actions and mutual support. Infatuation, by contrast, tends to be driven by personal desire and impulse, seeking to satisfy our own emotional or physical needs. 
• Idealizing: Infatuation often involves falling in love with the idea of love or the fantasy we’ve built around someone. As the illusion fades with time, so does the infatuation. Love, on the other hand, deepens as we grow to know and accept the other person in their entirety—the good, the bad, and the imperfect. 

Read More: Love Addiction: The Fine Line Between Passion and Obsession

Different Perspectives of Infatuation 

The domain-general reward perspective suggests that people are attracted to others based on how rewarding they find interactions with them. This reward-based attraction can fulfil various needs, including pleasure, self-esteem, belonging, consistency, and self-expansion. Scholars like Newcomb, Aronson, and Walster have emphasised that individuals are drawn to those who offer them rewards, whether through physical attractiveness, warmth, or shared activities. Interpersonal pleasures, both normative and personal, play a critical role in fostering attraction.

For instance, people generally find pleasure in the warmth of others and often feel drawn to those who share their specific interests, such as playing the piano or engaging in similar hobbies. Physical attractiveness and a sense of humour are two key factors that can normatively predict attraction, as they provide hedonic pleasure. Attractiveness stimulates reward centres in the brain, and humour creates pleasurable experiences, making people more appealing in both romantic and platonic contexts. 

Relating this to infatuation, the intensity of attraction often found in infatuation can be explained by these domain-general rewards. The powerful pull of physical attractiveness and the pleasure derived from someone’s sense of humour or charm may lead individuals to become infatuated quickly, as they associate these qualities with immediate pleasure.

Infatuation tends to arise from the heightened satisfaction of these rewards, often creating a sense of euphoria or emotional excitement when in the presence of the other person. Since infatuation is typically characterised by a focus on the rewarding aspects of a person rather than a deep emotional connection, the domain-general reward perspective provides a framework for understanding the fleeting and often surface-level nature of infatuation. 

Bowlby’s Attachment Theory states that attachment in the parent-child relationship is separate from adult romantic relationships. This attachment can affect behaviour, cognition, and emotions at any stage of life, from infancy to adulthood. Attachment in relationships is not broken off in a voluntary manner or completely, and any break in relationships is painful and causes mourning in person (Bowlby, 1969; Ainsworth, 1991). 

Certain attachment styles, especially anxious or Insecure attachment styles explain infatuation. Infatuation fuels obsessive behaviours as it often involves an intense focus on the love object, marked by preoccupation, vigilance, and rumination—traits that overlap with the symptoms of anxious attachment and obsessive tendencies. 

Infatuation can be seen as a temporary, heightened emotional state where individuals fixate on their romantic interests. They often idealize these interests and feel a strong need to maintain the relationship at all costs. This behaviour aligns with anxious attachment, where the person may feel insecure, fearing the loss of their partner, and becoming hypervigilant in their relationship. Just like obsessive love, infatuation involves both positive and negative emotions, including jealousy, fear of rejection, emotional highs and lows, and the desire for closeness, as attachment theory describes. 

Additionally, attachment theory suggests that the intense emotions in infatuation may stem from early childhood interactions with caregivers, where individuals with insecure attachments might experience love as a way to seek validation, security, and reassurance. This can lead to a cycle where their need for connection becomes so strong that it manifests in obsessive or infatuated behaviour. 

Read More: Dreaming of a Relationship Like Geet & Aditya? Build Your Love Story with Healthy Relationship Dynamics!

Am I in love or Infatuated?

If you experience the following then you are probably infatuated by individuals, as opposed to being in love with them. 

• Fear of rejection or abandonment 
• Difficulty concentrating on anything else 
• Feeling euphoric or “high” when around them 
• Idealising the person, overlooking their flaws 
• Jealousy or possessiveness over small things 
• The desire for constant communication and closeness 
• Overvaluing the importance of the relationship in one’s life
• Intense focus on the person, thinking about them constantly 
• A strong sense of urgency to develop the relationship quickly 
• Neglecting personal needs or responsibilities to maintain contact 
• Emotional highs and lows depending on the person’s actions or reactions 
• Fantasising about a future with the person, even without knowing them well

Read More: The Five Love Languages for Lasting Relationships

FAQs:

1. What is infatuation? 

Infatuation is a short-lived, intense attraction toward someone, often based on physical appearance or idealised traits. It is driven by passion and often occurs before truly getting to know the person. 

2. How does infatuation differ from love? 

Infatuation is primarily about intense passion and excitement, while love is a deeper, more enduring emotion that involves intimacy, trust, and commitment. Infatuation is often fleeting, while love grows over time and becomes stronger. 

3. Can infatuation turn into love? 

Yes, infatuation can evolve into love as people get to know each other and develop emotional intimacy and trust. However, infatuation can also fade if there’s no genuine connection beyond physical attraction. 

4. What are the signs that I’m infatuated, not in love? 

Signs of infatuation include: 

• Constantly thinking about the person. 
• Feeling euphoric or obsessed around them. 
• Idealising them and overlooking their flaws. 
• Jealousy or possessiveness over minor things. 
• A sense of urgency to develop the relationship quickly. 

5. What are the signs that I’m truly in love? 

Signs of love include: 

• Caring for their well-being and happiness. 
• Feeling comfortable and secure around them. 
• Emotional closeness and trust with the person. 
• A willingness to support and grow with them over time. 
• A balanced relationship with mutual respect and commitment.