Spotting Manipulation: How to Protect Yourself and Set Boundaries

Have you ever felt that you are a puppet and someone else is pulling your strings? — whether someone is making you do things or stopping you from doing something? Manipulation is never easily visible or detectable like coercion, the person trying to manipulate you might do it subtly. According to APA, manipulation is a behaviour targeted towards other people to exploit, control or influence their behaviour and thinking to their advantage. 

We usually think manipulation only occurs in intimate, parent-child or romantic relationships. However, the truth is that manipulation can happen in any relationship, even in professional relationships. Manipulation is a harmful experience for someone at the receiving end. The victim may feel extremely weak, exhausted and defeated. Being in a manipulative relationship also hinders the victim’s overall growth in life. In contrast, the manipulator may feel a sense of control and power over the victim and the relationship. As it can be an unpleasant and degrading experience for the victim, it is crucial to recognise its signs (Braiker, 2004).

Read More: The Psychology Behind Manipulation

Tactics of Manipulation

The manipulators may use various tactics to manipulate you. In the next paragraphs, we will go over some of the manipulation strategies used.

One of the most common tactics and perhaps the most familiar one is, Gaslighting, which refers to manipulating the victims into doubting their memories and perceptions. An individual using this tactic may deny reality by saying things such as “I never said that” or “that never happened”. They may also invalidate and minimise your emotions by stating things like “You’re too sensitive”.

The manipulator might guilt trip you by exaggerating their difficulties to make you feel responsible for them and completely undermining your feelings and difficulties. They might even go so far as to blame you for things that are not your fault and use the silent treatment to induce and deepen your sense of guilt. This can severely affect your self-esteem and emotional well-being (Vangelisti et al., 1991). 

Love bombing is a technique employed by manipulators to obtain control by displaying excessive love and compassion. They may push for rapid advancements in the relationship, give a lot of compliments, and create a sense of dependency to make you emotionally dependent on them. This gives them control over the relationship. If they withdraw this affection, it may make you feel isolated and anxious, thus trapping you in the relationship (Lindsay & Norman, 2020).

Sometimes the manipulator may try to put two people against each other, such as you or your friend or family, to maintain control. This is called Triangulation. They may achieve this by spreading rumours and gossip to distort other people’s perceptions about you. This way the manipulator not only influences you but also your relationship with others. This causes a lot of mistrust in the parties involved (Brown, 2001).

These are just a few of the many tactics manipulators may use to exert control and influence over others. Recognizing these tactics is the first step in protecting yourself from manipulation. If you notice these signs in your interactions, it is crucial to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals, and remember that you have the right to set boundaries and protect yourself from manipulative behaviour. 

Read More: Empower Yourself: The Art of Setting Boundaries in Everyday Life

Strategies for Responding 

1. Staying Calm and Objective 

Staying calm will help you to think clearly and make rational decisions. Being in a situation like this makes a person incredibly overwhelmed and can cloud your judgement. Hence in this situation, it becomes very crucial to remain calm and composed not only to protect yourself from further manipulation tactics but also to think about future decisions and evaluation of the situation. 

2. Setting Boundaries 

Understand what you are comfortable with and what you are not comfortable with, this includes making emotional, physical and mental boundaries. You should evaluate your boundaries and try not to feel guilty about creating good ones. Setting these boundaries helps save you from your manipulator taking advantage of you. By setting clear boundaries you also gain a sense of control over your life which gets lost in a manipulative relationship. (Chernata 2024) You can achieve this by strongly and confidently communicating your boundaries, you may use assertive language such as maintaining eye contact and an erect body posture. 

3. Asking Questions and Clarification 

Manipulators rely on the ambitiousness of the situation, when you ask questions such as “Why do you think that way” or “Can you explain what you mean by that”, it disrupts their manipulative tactics and forces them to explain or justify their actions which exposes their deceit. It also helps you to gain control over the conversation rather than just emotionally reacting to it you respond to it rationally (Patterson et al., 2012).

4. Seek Support 

Seeking support during the time you feel trapped and confused in a situation like this is important. It helps you provide an external perspective on the situation and can help you to validate your feelings. If you have strong social support, such as family and friends, they can provide you some comfort and reassurance which in turn reduces the feelings of isolation and helplessness. Don’t hesitate you seek professional help if the manipulation is severely affecting your mental health. (Stewart, M., & Neufeld 2021). 

5. Self-care and Recovery 

Being in a manipulative relationship can severely affect your sense of self and your confidence. You might not even feel like yourself when you eventually come out of that manipulative relationship. However slowly and steadily you will gain that sense of self your emotional well-being will improve and you will flourish in your life. To help you with your journey there are a few simple experiences.

Journaling your experiences and feelings will help you healthily process them. Don’t try to rush through the process. Give yourself enough time. Seeking therapy to process these emotions is also a good decision. Mindfulness-based activities such as meditation can reduce stress and improve emotional well-being you can focus on your breath observing every inhale and exhale. Or do a body scan by slowing bringing you attention to all your body parts without any judgement. (Goyal et al., 2014)

Manipulation can be subtle yet far-reaching, it can impact various aspects of life and relationships. It’s essential to discern the signs and tactics of manipulation to safeguard your mental and emotional well-being. Always remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. If you ever find yourself in a manipulative situation, prioritize your well-being and reach out to trusted individuals or professionals for assistance. Taking these steps will empower you to cultivate healthier, more positive relationships and nurture personal growth and self-assurance.