How To Deal With A Narcissist?

A very famous story in Greek mythology follows the story of a hunter named Narcissus who was very famously beautiful. Narcissus did not return anyone’s affection towards him because he believed them to be beneath him in terms of attractiveness. One day, Narcissus caught his reflection in a pond of water and kept staring at it. Nothing besides staring at the reflection interested him and thus, he died on the spot due to starvation and agony due to the inability to be with the person in the reflection. This is where the term “Narcissism” comes from.

Read More: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

In everyday life, we may call someone who appears to be very self-absorbed as being a narcissist. This is only a small part of it. Narcissism is characterised by selfishness, high levels of self-admiration, a sense of superiority while demeaning others as inferior and lacking empathy for others. People with narcissism also seek a lot of attention and praise from all those around them. Narcissism is associated with personality disorders such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), sociopathy, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and so on.

How To Identify A Narcissist?

Is there any person in your life who you feel is very self-absorbed and apathetic to others? Narcissists have some telling characteristics. The following signs can help you identify a narcissist in your surroundings:

• Exaggerated Self-Importance refers to how people may hold themselves in a much higher position than others. They may feel and act as though they are above everyone. For example, when working in a group, they may have the perception that the project would surely fail without their presence.
• Arrogance: Let’s take the example of Regina from Mean Girls. Regina believed that she was the most beautiful and coolest person in the school so much so that people around her should feel lucky to be in her presence. Arrogance refers to having an overbearing sense of pride and confidence within themselves. These people believe themselves to be very special and unique and look down on others.
• A sense of Entitlement is another way to identify a narcissist. People with a sense of entitlement feel that they deserve some sort of special treatment. They feel that others should provide them with special care and be obedient while listening to their needs. They truly believe themselves to deserve to be treated like a king or queen!
• Manipulative Behaviour is a very common tendency for most narcissistic people. It happens subconsciously after a while! Narcissistic people can be very influential and aggressive with their thoughts and opinions. Due to their heightened sense of self, they can make the other person feel guilty even when it wasn’t their fault.

Read More: The Psychology Behind Manipulation

• Lacking Empathy indicates how insensitive and apathetic narcissistic people are towards others’ thoughts, feelings and behaviours. These people usually have very little patience for ideas that do not belong to them or benefit them in any way. They are not considerate when it comes to others’ feelings which leads them to be aggressive and threatening. Research done by Bushman and Kjaervik in 2021 has indicated that narcissistic traits have very strong links with aggressive behaviour which is increased in the face of provocation but is significant even in the absence of it.

Read More: Empathy vs Sympathy: Understanding the Difference

How Can A Narcissist Make You Feel

Narcissists have a profound impact on those who are in daily contact with them. Because of their selfishness, they may lack any concern for you no matter how close to them you are. They can make you feel worthless or undeserving of love and affection. You may begin to constantly feel guilty and selfish for not catering to them at all times. People who deal with narcissists daily tend to sideline their own needs and desires.

Narcissists employ tactics such as manipulation and gaslighting which are aimed at shaking off responsibility for themselves rather than putting the blame and burden on the person in contact. In the face of any sort of conflict, they will make it seem like you are the one at fault. They will make you feel that your emotions, even if expressed very slightly, are a burden to them. You may inherently begin having thoughts such as “I am not good enough”, “I am not worthy” and so on. To sustain under conditions where you must interact with a narcissist daily, there are some things you can try.

How To Deal With A Narcissist

While each narcissist must have their personality and temperament, there are certain things one must keep in mind while dealing with a narcissist. If that narcissist does not hold a valuable position in your life, it may be best to cut them out. However, if they are an integral part of your life, these are certain strategies that may help in dealing with them. These are as follows:

• Identifying Insecurity: Research done by Day, Grenyer and Townsend has indicated that narcissism can have two trait categories. One is ‘grandiosity’ which includes traits such as need for admiration, heightened self-esteem, lack of empathy and so on. The other is ‘vulnerability’ which includes insecurities, feelings of worthlessness, the innate belief of being valueless, and so on. Narcissists tend to be highly insecure and thus use their narcissism to mask their true feelings. If one can identify this insecurity, one can uncover the root cause behind narcissistic tendencies.

Read More: The Incensement of Narcissism in Modern Society

• Set Boundaries: Living with a narcissistic partner, friend or relative can result in constant invasion of one’s private space and you may feel like you are suffocating in the face of their needs. It is necessary to set boundaries in these cases so that you can help them while keeping room for yourself. This can help by keeping their narcissistic tendencies at bay and you can guard yourself against their manipulative behaviours as well.
• Raise your concerns with the person, get your concerns across to them, try to strike up a conversation about their behaviour and express how you feel about them. Communicate your needs and feelings, you may be able to strike up a conversation and get some sort of mutual understanding. This may help in making the person aware of your condition as well and maybe increase their empathising skills.
• Become Aware About Their Tactics: If you can recognise the pattern of manipulation employed by the narcissist, its effects on you are surely reduced. Familiarising yourself with concepts such as gaslighting can help you keep your self-image intact despite these tactics being used. You can also call the narcissist out when you identify the pattern happening.

Read More: The Dirty Dozen- Understanding the Dark Triad Personalities

Narcissism is a very common trait, when it happens to be present at high levels, it is said to be harmful. Historical figures such as Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin have been believed to have NPD. Finding help and support in such situations is significant. You can rely on close friends, relatives or a partner for such support. Certain support groups out there can facilitate dealing and healing if you are in contact with narcissists. Moreover, you can also decide to seek help for the person with narcissistic tendencies which will help them with self-esteem regulation, work through their delusion and identify the reason behind them putting on such a mask.