Have you ever been told that you lack empathy? Do you find yourself blaming others for everything that happens to you? Has anyone ever told you that you have poor coping skills, often turn conversations towards yourself, and have certain narcissistic tendencies? Do you have poor social skills and issues with relationships?
If you can relate to the above but are unsure as to why you do so, you have come to the perfect place. You relate to the above because you probably have low Emotional Intelligence, or EI as it’s more commonly known. Emotional Intelligence is also known as Emotional Quotient or EQ and is basically the ability that one possesses that helps them to better understand themselves and those around them. Emotional Intelligence, or EI is the ability through which people are able to communicate effectively, overcome challenges and defuse conflict and also empathize better with others. Emotional intelligence helps us in fostering better relationships with both oneself as well as with those around us. An Emotionally Intelligent person may have higher chances of having better relationships with themselves and those around them than those with low Emotional Intelligence.
When trying to understand the concept of Emotional Intelligence, there are a few attributes that one must keep in mind: self-management, self-awareness, social awareness, relationship management, empathy and motivation. It is important that we are self-aware so that we are confident in who we are and can see our strengths and weakness, and we must learn how to regulate and manage these emotions that we identify within us so as not to be a hindrance and cause harm to ourselves or others around us. Having empathy and being intrinsically motivated is also important as when one is intrinsically motivated there is no reward or punishment and the person strives to become the best version of themselves and it is important to have empathy as then we can understand the needs of others and ourselves and we can pick up emotional cues from our environment. Lastly, social awareness and relationship management. These two too are of importance as we need to learn to behave in social settings and learn to read the room and its important to feel comfortable in your social surrounding so that you can recognize the necessary power dynamics and so that you do feel left out and it is important to manage your relationships as well as humans are social animals and we need to maintain relationships with people in our lives so that we are not all alone. The more positive relationships and cooperative connections we have, the more enriching our quality of life will be. Research has also shown a correlation between Higher Emotional Intelligence and Happiness. Studies have also showed that Emotional Intelligence has consistently been shown as related to higher-quality social relationships
People who have high Emotional intelligence are known to very different as compared to those who have low Emotional intelligence in both though processes and behavior. Someone who has high Emotional Intelligence will be able to empathise with people better , will be able to adjust with different social groups better and will also be able to deal with and help resolve conflicts that may occur . they are also known to be able regulate their emotions in a more calm and straightforward manner as compared to others. They are known to also be better at collaborating and cooperating others and are sensitive to those around them and do not have much difficulty in reading the room and understanding the needs of those around them and figuring out if someone around them is struggling and needs help or if they are excited. Basically, people with high emotional intelligence are able to understand not only their own but also the emotions of those around them.
Numerous factors probably influence the Emotional Intelligence of a person. It has been understood through various studies that individuals are not born with Emotional Intelligence and that we actually learn it through lived experiences throughout our lifetime. The emotional Intelligence of a person is not constant and keep changing and therefore someone with extremely low Emotional intelligence can if they try hard enough improve their emotional intelligence and become someone with high emotional intelligence. The Factors influencing the Emotional Intelligence in an individual include parenting styles and how children are raised, mental health issues and alexithymia among others. Alexithymia is a condition caused by childhood trauma, brain injury or stroke wherein a person has difficulties distinguishing emotional cues. People who have Alexithymia are also known to suffer from a lack of emotions. Since we know that Emotional intelligence is not something an individual is born with, there are many sociocultural factors one must look into. For example, it has been found that low Emotional Intelligence may run in families, and therefore children whose parents seem to have a lower Emotional intelligence score may struggle to manage their own emotions since they may have lesser opportunities as compared to others to learn healthy coping skills. Low EI may also play a part in anxiety, Borderline personality disorder, and Depression. Alcohol dependence and substance use as well are inked to Emotional intelligence as addiction can cause changes in the brain that affect your ability to interpret an manage emotions and impulses.
Managing one’s emotions and improving one’s Emotional intelligence is very important; everyone must make a conscious effort to improve their Emotional intelligence. There are multiple ways that one can do this, including exposing oneself to a wide array of perspectives, trying new things that keep us away from our comfort zones, paying more attention to both self and the people around us, learning to actively participate in conversations without trying to be at the centre of the conversations and using positive language when speaking to self as well as to those around them. Another important thing one must keep in mind is to be able to take both compliments and criticism and to be able to integrate that into their daily life.
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