The Silent Suffering of Dysfunctional Relationships

Relationships and deeper connections filled with love, affection, and warmth are what make people wake up to joyful mornings filled with optimism and serenity. However, some have to witness the gloomy days of dysfunctional relationships, making it difficult to get back to see the rays of hope around. Being social creatures, humans have an innate desire to form the basis of emotional and social connections that nurture them and help them grow, but unfortunately, not all relationships are constructive or healthy. Unfortunately, some relationships display impaired behaviour patterns or dynamics that lead to toxic cycles of emotional suffering and personal void that may become difficult to escape from. Such relationships are destructive ties from the social environment that create an imbalance in an individual’s internal world. They are dysfunctional relationships. 

What do dysfunctional Relationships look like? 

There are conflicts Time and Again 

Romantic relationships are always a rollercoaster of decisions, disagreements, and diverse beliefs. Well-balanced and emotionally rich individuals work towards valuing their partners and encouraging them. They understand that conflicts are a part of the relationship, which does not define their dynamics as a whole. For a normal, healthy relationship to flourish, there should be effective communication and active listening.

These are the cornerstones of every relationship. However, dysfunctional relationships are quite the opposite. Arguments, fighting for supremacy, and tension throughout the relationship become damaging when couples blame each other for everything that goes wrong or when one becomes emotionally abusive.

Read More: Beyond Clichés: Real Insights for Building Healthy, Fulfilling Relationships

A lack of trust is Observed frequently 

Trust is one of the pillars of strong and healthy romantic relationships. However, even after having trust issues, individuals can foster a healthy connection through conflict resolution, reassurance and mutual understanding. Unfortunately, in dysfunctional forms of relationships being suspicious or jealous or being constantly questioned is an everyday occurrence. A suspicion of some kind coupled with jealousy or accusation of some sort takes over trust, and the lack of compassion creates insecurities as well as anxiety. 

Read More: Importance of Trust in Relationships

Growing Power at the Cost of the Other’s Liberty 

In a dysfunctional relationship, one might suppress or belittle the other person’s desires, needs, or goals. The dominant one may always impose his way on the other by pushing his agenda and ignoring the wishes of the person involved. After a long period of such treatment, the subjugated individual may lose touch with one’s desires and become preoccupied with the needs and desires of the dominant person. When conflicts arise, The dominant partner will often place the blame on the subjugated individual for their dysfunctional relationship. This way, the abused person cannot express dissatisfaction because they are made to feel guilty or responsible for the abuse or mistreatment, which further solidifies the abuser’s power. 

Undefined Boundaries due to Toxic patterns of Communication 

We observe interdependence among couples that contributes to their emotional intimacy, shared responsibilities and social support in a relationship. In contrast, dysfunctional relationships give rise to codependency where one partner relies on another one for excessive emotional support and self-worth. This one-sided dynamic leaves another partner emotionally drained and exhausted.  

At times, there can be undefined boundaries in which emotional abuse becomes common because manipulation, criticism, and gaslighting break down the self-esteem and perception of the victim. A very common scenario is a power imbalance where one of the partners uses the other through control, be it emotional, financial, or physical.

Types of Dysfunctional Relationships: 

There are many types of dysfunctional relationships, here we will be focusing on three prominent relationship dynamics: 

a. The Authoritarian Family: 

In an authoritarian family, the values placed are those of discipline, obedience, and conformity rather than mutual respect or understanding. Such families have little room for open communication, emotional expression, or negotiation. Authority is centralized in one figure, usually the father or mother who dictates how everyone should behave, think, and feel. The children have to obey all rules without question and are punished, sometimes physically, for disobedience. These families emphasized control rather than nurturing, which creates emotional distance between the parents and children.

Love and affection are usually conditional, that is, contingent upon their child’s behaviour and ability to meet expectations. Such a home environment becomes tense and fearful. The children in such families grow up as neglected or unheard since the opinions and needs of the child are secondary to the demands of the authority figure. The children learn to suppress their emotions, avoid conflict, and develop low self-esteem. Communication within the family is mostly one-way communication, with the authority figure issuing commands rather than engaging in meaningful dialogue (Ferreira et al., 2013). 

b. Physical Abuse 

In familial relationships, there are rigid, hierarchical structures that often physically punish children in an attempt to create discipline. The fear of talking back or questioning the abuser could keep children silent due to the violence that they may have encountered. In romantic relationships, there are instances when the partner may physically abuse the other one. The hallmark of an abusive relationship is physical violence. Violence in dysfunctional relationships can be physical, emotional, or psychological. Physical violence entails hitting, slapping, or any form of direct physical assault.

Emotional estrangement can increase the victim’s isolation, hence making it even more difficult for them to reach out for help. The abuser may seem cold, unresponsive, or even indifferent to the victim’s needs, making the feeling of abandonment even stronger. An authoritarian household is one with power concentrated in an individual, generally the father figure who is the breadwinner of the family, controlling all the strings by enforcing particular rules and expectations with control, and punishment which creates an environment where obedience precedes open communications or emotional response. 

c. Psychological abuse and Emotional detachment 

It is observed that a partner’s withdrawal and manipulative behaviours form a cycle of harm and emotional isolation. In this regard, emotional detachment is used as a defence mechanism, with the partner avoiding intimacy and withholding affection to control conflicts. Psychological abuse often follows with tactics like gaslighting, silent treatment, and emotional invalidation. Gaslighting makes the victim doubt their perception and feelings, thereby damaging the sense of reality and self-esteem.

The silent treatment, where communication is withdrawn, creates a feeling of abandonment and powerlessness, and persistent rejection of emotions sends the message that the feelings of the victim are not important. The result of emotional disconnection combined with manipulation has serious psychological implications. Depression, anxiety, and chronic self-doubt are common outcomes for victims. They might feel trapped, blaming themselves for the relationships’ malfunction while futilely trying to win affection and approval. A constant state of emotional exhaustion follows as they navigate a relationship in which there is no empathy or support (Aktan & Asker, 2020). 

Impact of Dysfunctional Relationships 

Dysfunctional relationships impact the emotional, psychological, and physical well-being of individuals causing long-term effects including cycles of conflict, emotional detachment, and manipulation. Psychological abuse and neglect erode a person’s sense of self to an extent where the victim may often suffer from chronic anxiety, depressive symptoms, and low self-esteem. They feel trapped in this relationship where they internalize the blame for their disturbed relationship, which overshadows their constantly unmet needs. In such instances, immune system suppression and cardiovascular problems arise due to emotional exhaustion and prolonged exposure to the stressors in a relationship.

There are devastating effects on other social relationships. Those in dysfunctional relationships may withdraw from others because of shame or fear of judgment, causing them to erode their support networks. They often feel isolated and helpless as the power differential in the relationship makes them powerless and unable to alter their circumstances. Dysfunctional patterns have a detrimental influence on children through emotional neglect and abuse that affects their development, often leading to various problems in further relationships. Therefore, breakage from those patterns becomes so important to guarantee long-term proper mental health (Varol et al., 2021).

How to break the pattern of Dysfunctionality? 

Escaping the circle of dysfunctional relationships and individuals requires support awareness and proactive steps. It is important to recognise the signs of dysfunction and patterns of psychological distress such as manipulation, controlling behaviours and emotional invalidation. Looking back at experiences during introspection, an individual will understand the nature of the relationship which will help them acknowledge the shift in dynamics from blaming the victim to accepting that any form of abuse is not their fault. 

One of the first steps in regaining control is to establish boundaries. Healthy boundaries define what behaviour is acceptable and protect emotional well-being. Refusing to engage in arguments when a partner uses the silent treatment or invalidates feelings reduces the abuser’s control. Being able to express one’s needs and communicate clearly about unacceptable behaviours creates a basis for healthier interactions. However, these efforts usually require external support to be effective. 

Building a strong support system is essential. Friends, family, and professional therapists provide emotional validation and guidance. Support groups for survivors of abusive relationships provide a sense of community and shared experiences, reducing feelings of isolation. Professional help, such as counselling or psychotherapy, empowers individuals to process trauma, develop self-esteem, and implement strategies to break free from abusive dynamics. Without question, an exit plan will be crucial in situations where emotional or physical safety is at risk when utilizing domestic violence resources. 

For those willing to make efforts to maintain the relationship, it is important to understand that both parties must commit to change. The abuser needs to acknowledge some of the behaviours and get help to develop more emotionally healthy regulation and communication skills. Without commitment on his part, again and again, the cycle will continue, causing further harm to the relationship and the individual. 

Therapeutic Approaches that help to overcome dysfunctional relationships

The Treatment Approach for dysfunctional relationships aims to heal emotional pain, enhance communication, and build healthier relationship dynamics. A few of the most promising evidence-based practices are as follows: 

1. Couples Therapy 

Relational dysfunction is treated through couples therapy. Couples learn how to communicate effectively, resolve conflicts, and regain trust. Methods like the Gottman Method aim to improve positive interactions, constructively manage conflict, and develop a shared sense of meaning. The key to successful therapy is when both parties assume responsibility for their behaviour and agree to create healthier relational habits. 

2. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) 

Cognitive behaviour therapy helps to identify and challenge cognitive distortions and negative thoughts that are the roots of emotional suffering. Victims of psychological abuse internalize their negative beliefs, hold themselves responsible for their partner’s behaviour and think of themselves as unworthy of love.  

They need to be replaced by healthy, productive and positive thought patterns like a person might challenge the belief, “I am to blame for everything that goes wrong,” with a more balanced view, such as, “I am not responsible for my partner’s abusive behaviour.” It helps in enhancing coping strategies and teaches individuals to communicate effectively by setting boundaries without the fear of retaliation (Monson et al., 2012).

3. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) 

Dysfunctional relationships often result from unmet attachment needs and fear of vulnerability. EFT enables partners to recognize the underlying emotions that drive destructive behaviours and encourages empathy and understanding. For instance, an avoidant might learn how to verbalize the fear of abandonment rather than avoid it in defence. Emotional safety in EFT gives couples the possibility to find healthy ways to interact with one another (Weitzman, 1985). 

4. Trauma-Informed Therapy 

Psychological abuse can cause trauma symptoms, such as hypervigilance, emotional numbness, and flashbacks. Trauma-informed therapy emphasizes safety, empowerment, and healing from past trauma. Techniques such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) or somatic therapies help individuals process traumatic memories and reduce emotional reactivity. Trauma-informed care also emphasizes creating a safe therapeutic environment where the client feels heard and respected. 

5. Psychodynamic Therapy 

Psychodynamic approaches are based on unconscious patterns from a person’s early relationships. Emotional detachment and controlling behaviours are sometimes a result of unresolved childhood experiences. Psychodynamic therapy assists in gaining insight into these patterns and develops a healthier way to connect with others. Recognizing the cause of one’s behaviour helps increase self-awareness and opens the door for more permanent change.

Conclusion: 

Dysfunctional relationships involving emotional detachment and psychological abuse affect a person’s mental, emotional, and physical health on a wide scale. Getting out of such patterns requires awareness, support, and the creation of healthy boundaries. In the case of therapeutic interventions, healing begins with intervention strategies for healthy interaction in CBT and trauma-informed care. Then, the goal is to treat the reasons for dysfunction at its source and work through making a change to strive toward growth, building resilience, and producing healthier and more fulfilling relational experiences.