A Beginner’s Guide to Emotional Sobriety and Inner Stability

In today’s accelerated world, being emotionally stable can be challenging and it might also seem like a luxury. Between personal struggles, workplace environment, family and relationship issues and the never-ending societal expectations, being in tune with our emotions can get unbearably intense.  Emotional Sobriety is about finding inner balance and resilience, even in the face of life’s twists and turns. It is about responding mindfully to what is happening around us and within us rather than reacting impulsively to life situations. 

What is Emotional Sobriety? 

At its core, emotional sobriety is the ability to experience, manage and regulate our emotions without letting them control us and our actions. It is quite similar to the idea of being physically sober. When we are sober that means that we are refraining from the lure of addictive substances, under whose influence we lose our cognitive ability to see and understand things clearly. The same thing happens to us when we get high on our emotions. Our mind gets clouded with either a particular emotion or a mixture of different emotions.

Unlike avoiding addictive substances and being at the utmost distance from them, Emotional Sobriety is not about suppressing, discarding, rejecting, or overlooking what we are feeling. It is about getting in touch with them, listening to what they have got to say, tracing their origin, and helping and providing them with what they are lacking. 

Read More: Is Emotional Monitoring Making You Anxious? Here’s How to Tell

The Origins of Emotional Sobriety 

The term “emotional sobriety” was first coined by Bill Wilson, who was one of the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), an international fellowship of men and women who have struggled to deal with alcoholism. AA was created to help individuals to stop drinking and maintain long-term sobriety. AA initially focused on physical sobriety but later Bill realized that for a lasting impact on a lasting recovery, emotional well-being should be addressed as well and this insight led to the concept of emotional sobriety. 

Why Emotional Sobriety Matters? 

Practising and achieving emotional sobriety can turn our world beautifully and can positively impact various areas of our lives, including all our relationships, work lives, and personal growth. 

• Improves Decision-Making: When we are emotionally sober, we are less likely to make impulsive decisions based on strong temporary emotions. 

• Strengthens Relationships: It allows us to communicate more openly and helps us to keep ourselves in someone else’s shoes which fosters trust, connection, and a strong bond. 

• Makes Us More Resilient: Life is full of challenges but emotionally sober people view setbacks as temporary and bounce back stronger without getting overly overwhelmed. 

• Reduces Stress and Anxiety: When we are emotionally charged, we think irrationally and therefore act irrationally which later becomes the cause of our distress. By being emotionally sober we can make rational and appropriate decisions.

The Signs of Emotional Sobriety  

Emotionally sober people possess and exhibit certain qualities. Here are some of the characteristics listed below:

• Self-Awareness: They have a good understanding of their emotions, why are they feeling this way, the root cause of their emotion and what self-work is required to manage these emotions. 

• Acceptance: They accept and address both positive and negative emotions freely. 

• Healthy Boundaries: They maintain boundaries unapologetically and refrain from certain situations or people that might affect their mental peace. 

• Non-Reactivity: They can pause, take a step back and reflect before getting swayed away by their emotions. 

• Authentic and Genuine: They are comfortable in their being and are not overly influenced by what others have to say.

Read More: 5 Hacks to Increase Self-Awareness

How to Become Emotionally Sober?

Becoming emotionally sober is nothing like learning Trigonometry. It is quite simple but requires your time, effort, and self-compassion. Here are some practical tips to tap into your emotional sobriety:

1. Engage in Self-Reflection

Self-reflection is the foundation of emotional sobriety. Start by paying attention to your emotions in certain situations, what triggers you and why. Journaling or sitting alone with your thoughts can help you navigate through your emotions. Maintaining a record of which strong emotion you feel each day can help you track your strengths and weaknesses. 

2. Accept Your Emotions Without Being Biased

We have been conditioned to label strong emotions such as anger, anxiety, disgust etc as negative. Understand that there is no such thing as negative or positive when it comes to emotion. All emotions serve a purpose and are simply looking out for us, not working against us. Therefore, welcome anger with as much compassion as you would welcome the emotion of love. 

3. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness refers to being fully in the present moment. By being in the present, we won’t let any situation or emotion overplay its part. By staying present and allowing emotions to come and go, we can focus on making the most of each moment. This helps prevent us from being controlled by what has already happened or what might happen in the future.

4. Work on Regulating Your Emotions Effectively

We can regulate our emotions effectively by adapting healthy coping mechanisms like deep-breathing exercises, muscle relaxation, positive visualization, taking ourselves out, indulging in activities that we love, and spending time with people who truly care about us. All these little and subtle things help us to de-stress and get back to our normal state of being. 

Read More: Feeling Overwhelmed? Try These 7 Relaxation Techniques

5. Build Resilience

Remind yourself of how you were able to manage yourself earlier, how previous setbacks did not make you a failure but turned you wiser. Be patient. Understand that nothing, not even our emotions or situations is born in a day, there are multiple layers to every existence. Therefore, it is alright to have some and let what is happening inside and outside of you settle down on its own. Give it the space that it requires to breathe and, in the meantime, you can focus on your breathwork. 

6. Develop Healthy Boundaries

Establishing boundaries with others is very crucial for emotional sobriety. If you have watched the movie Dear Zindagi, Shah Rukh Khan played the role of a therapist, Dr. Jehangir Khan who beautifully stated “If you don’t take charge of the steering wheel of your life, someone else will sit in the driver’s seat.” Therefore, it is crucial to set boundaries and detach from those who are not allowing you to grow independently and always come to micromanage you. 

Read More: Spotting Manipulation: How to Protect Yourself and Set Boundaries

7. Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Emotional sobriety is easier to achieve when you have people who have your back. Surround yourself with friends, family and others who support your growth and grow alongside you. Supportive people provide you with a platform to express yourself freely and help you to stay true to yourself and be completely unapologetic about it. 

Emotional Sobriety as a Lifelong Pursuit 

Like physical sobriety, emotional sobriety is a lifelong journey. At times your emotions might seem unbearable and uncontrollable and that is completely alright. Being emotionally sober does not mean that you will not experience intense waves of emotions. Rather, it empowers you to welcome these emotions with compassion, understanding and self-resilience. 

By practising emotional sobriety, you can cultivate a life of balance, peace and emotional freedom which will make it easier to handle whatever life throws at you. If you find it challenging to stay emotionally sober on your own then you can always take the assistance of a trained therapist who can help you to process unresolved and unsettled emotions, understand your patterns and develop strategies to manage things constructively. 

Conclusion

Emotional sobriety is about forming a healthy relationship with your emotions. It is a commitment that we make for ourselves to understand and celebrate both ourselves and our emotions. It is one of the best forms of self-love that we can offer to ourselves. In a world where emotions are often suppressed and overlooked, let us start knowing our emotions better and allowing them to make the most of ourselves. By practicing emotional sobriety one can lead a more fulfilling life with quality and meaningful relationships and friendships while handling every situation with greater ease. So, tap into your emotions and start your journey of emotional sobriety from today and experience the peace and clarity that comes with being in sync with yourself and your emotions.