10 Reasons behind Why People do not Respect you, According to Psychology 

“I don’t want respect.” Said nobody ever. Everybody wants to be respected, from your parents to your friends to even your cat. Well, your cat probably craves respect most out of all of them. It is a universal truth that every living being wants to be respected. It hurts to be disrespected, and it affects our self-esteem when we continuously let others walk all over us.

The first lesson ingrained in our minds since the day we comprehend language is that “you should respect everyone, especially your elders.” Why are we taught this? Logically speaking, we should not respect everyone, only those who deserve respect. However, norms and science do not always go hand in hand. So why are we taught to respect everyone? Well, because it is an innate desire to crave respect from people around you, hence parents teach you to respect people around you to ensure respect for themselves as well.

We all have heard countless stories about people who were cursed during their journey, but gained awe and respect as soon as they completed it. One such story is of a little girl who not only survived measles but risked everything by trying to swim, risking hearing loss. Gertrude Ederle was born into a family of German immigrants who ran a butcher shop in the United States. At a very young age, she miraculously survived measles when all was deemed hopeless. Despite her father’s initial protest, she started learning to swim when it was considered a taboo for girls. Her perseverance broke down her father’s initial belief and he taught her how to swim.

Eventually, she found her way into the Women’s Swimming Association. Here again, she was initially made fun of but proved herself and gained respect in the eyes of the coach. As one of the first women to compete in swimming at the Paris Olympics, she transformed the course of women’s sports. Despite many disrespecting her talent, she became the first woman to swim across the English Channel, beating even the men’s record by over an hour. The girl, who was initially scoffed at by all, was welcomed back with a ticker tape parade, gaining the respect of all (Britannica, 2024). Respect may not always be the primary goal, but there is always a little spark that craves it. 

What Is Respect, According To Psychology: 

To gain respect, we must understand it. It is quite hard to achieve something you don’t completely understand. Respect can be defined as a behaviour or attitude in which the individual or entity is treated with positive regard, honour, and other positive qualities (American Psychological Association, 2018). It is one of the most important components of interpersonal relationships, personal identity, and self-esteem. Typically, people express respect through: 

• Positive regard and awe for an individual’s talent, abilities, and achievements.
• Valuing instead of undermining the opinion of other individuals, even though they don’t always agree with them. 
• Considering them as your equal, treating them with the same regard you want to be treated with. 

Life revolves around respect, even if they don’t believe it does. Wanting respect is not due to wanting to have a big ego stroked over and over again. Instead, it is a fundamental human right that every living being is entitled to. 

Signs That An Individual Lacks Self-Respect: 

Like everything, good respect also starts with ourselves. A person who lacks respect for oneself cannot expect other individuals to respect them. People undermine others who lack self-respect and but still want others to respect them. Complaining about not being respected when you don’t respect yourself is like the pot calling the kettle black. Here are some signs that a person lacks self-respect, according to psychology: 

Going Along with the Crowd:

“But following the majority is a social norm.” Some may argue about this. Yes, many a time agreeing with what the society or community says is considered the obvious choice. However, individuals should also have values and goals that they respect aside from societal expectations. When was the last time you made a very conscious decision?  

Recall the time when you really craved pizza and stepped out intending to eat a pizza only to have pasta because your friends wanted it. When an individual constantly changes their decision to conform to the majority, they might lack self-respect. While it is necessary to be flexible and adjust from time to time, it should not be at the compromise of your values and needs.

The Vicious Comparison Cycle:

You wake up in the morning and start scrolling through social media. It’s become a common part of many people’s morning routines these days. You come across several models and then you look in the mirror. A sense of insecurity rises which is quickly driven away by the logic that comparing yourself to something possibly unreal is irrational. However, for many people, this feeling of insecurity, due to comparison, never goes away. It is important to have a little bit of comparison for competitiveness. It drives you to improve the next time. However, what if comparison becomes as common as breathing? It is a strong indicator of poor self-respect. Striving to be the best may be important. Just keep in mind that your fight is against yourself, not the world. 

The Need for External Validation:

“Does this look okay?” “Yes, for the ninth time, it does.” This flow of conversation is not uncommon or unusual. However, it is a sign of disregard towards oneself. It reflects insecurity in one’s ability to choose for themselves. Such people are scared of rejection. They avoid it like the plague. They constantly need someone to give them a thumbs up of approval to go ahead with something. However, a person cannot live without choosing for themselves.

All Blame On Me:

Standing in front of the mirror berating yourself has no actual benefits for the amount of people doing it every day. There is a fine difference between acknowledging your mistakes and negative self-talk. Why do you believe you’ll never be able to achieve something in your life? Well, certainly you are not doing yourself any good by telling yourself that before a major exam. People with poor regard for themselves often spend hours cursing themselves every day, setting themselves up for failure. 

I Was Just Lucky:

Life is not cards. You don’t accomplish something solely because of luck. While, yes, sometimes we achieve small wins due to luck. However, your achievements are the answers to your hard work. You put in work to stand where you are right now. Don’t shy away from giving yourself credit for where it is due. There’s no shame in recognizing your efforts and giving yourself credit. People who always thank luck for their achievements show signs of poor self-respect as they do not feel worthy of them (Fey, 2024). 

Subtle Signs That A Person Does Not Respect You: 

We encounter a diverse range of people throughout our lives. Some we adore, some we would rather avoid. However, are you certain you’re receiving the same appreciation in return? These subtle signs might serve as proof that someone is disrespecting you: 

• Interruptions Become A Routine: We all remember the “class clowns” right, particularly those who took a jab in the class every second of the class. Their constant interruptions are an obvious example of disrespect. Unless you are talking to yourself in your room, an interaction requires two people. If a person refuses to listen without stopping you every second, it indicates a lack of respect for your opinions. 
• Dismissive Non-verbal Cues: That eye roll that is hard to ignore, the silent scoff, and poor eye contact are an obvious display of an uninterested person. Such an obvious display of dismissive body language is a strong determiner of disrespect. The conversation might not be worth the effort and constant pushing. 
• Overstepping Boundaries: As human beings with a strong concept of self-esteem comes a need to have boundaries. Every individual has a list of do-nots when being interacted with. At times, people may make mistakes and accidentally make you uncomfortable. When they constantly start ignoring your boundaries, don’t walk away – run away. A person who respects you will never overstep your boundaries, at least deliberately. 
• Avoiding Confrontations: This one may seem ironic, as people who don’t respect you are the most quick to scrutinize your life. People who do not respect you will avoid putting in the effort to effectively communicate. They will avoid confrontation and rather let poison brew between the two. 
• One Too Many Broken Promises: As human beings, we have a bias towards overestimating ourselves. That assignment that we believed we could finish in an hour took days, or maybe that gift you believed your friend would love got an underwhelming response. Such instances of exaggerating things are a part of everyday life. However, a person who does not respect you will not value the promises they made, even if it is well within their capabilities (Sinclair, 2024). 

Why People Do Not Respect You: 

Do you feel that the aforementioned signs are a common scenario for you? Do you feel insulted and disregarded by almost every person you interact with? Here are 10 reasons why people do not respect you: 

1. Unethical Behaviour:

All is not fair in love and war. The race to the top is hard, but that does not give you permission to cheat on it. Picture yourself flipping through a newspaper and suddenly deciding to dig deeper into an article that catches your eye. However turns out it was not the complete truth, so what do you do? The most obvious choice is switching your newspaper and subscribing to a more credible one. Similarly, when you try taking a shortcut through unethical behaviour, you lose credibility and respect from those around you. Even if it might seem like something unnoticeable right now, it is not worth the risk. 

2. Dishonesty:

Lying is the same as avoidance. It is not a solution. Even white lies can make people lose respect for you at times. Imagine that a very close friend of yours asked if her outfit looks suitable for an interview when it does not. In such a scenario, if you lie and say they look ready for the job, you might lose a friend after that interview. Why? It is important to not hurt anyone, but it is also equally important to present the truth nicely. Eventually, all lies come out and when they are out, every person around you loses respect for you, even if that lie was for good. 

3. Being Too Unserious:

Jokes and humour keep us going and are a big part of a bright life. However, too many jokes can land you in a tight spot unless you are a comedian. In that case, being serious might actually be counterproductive. Here if this article continued this joke, you might have lost interest in this page.

Considering that this is an informative psychology-based article, any more jokes might have made it lose its value. Similarly, if a person is unserious one too many times when it is inappropriate, people might lose respect for them even if they meant no harm. 

4. Constantly Making Everything About Yourself:

It is not a surprise that most people prefer sharing their views instead of listening. However, we constantly need to remind ourselves that we don’t have one individual identity but also have a community-based identity. If you find it difficult to strike a balance between talking and listening, chances are the people around you might slowly start losing respect for you. Avoid making everything about yourself and consider the feelings of the person in front of you to maintain respect.

5. Ambitionless:

Ambitions make us different from other animals who cannot think beyond survival needs. As humans, we have the capacity to dream, plan, and achieve goals beyond imagination. We also prefer looking up to people who are full of passion and ambitions. It drives us to go up and beyond. People have a tendency to lose respect for someone they consider ambitionless. We are naturally drawn to people who have goals and dreams in their lives (Hart, 2023). 

6. Not Practicing What You Preach:

You cannot expect the other person to be respectful until you are respectful yourself. Respect needs to be a two-way street. If you are a disrespectful person yourself, nobody else will respect you, as every individual wants to respect themselves first. Start by practising being respectful to others first and you will be able to witness people around you transform their attitudes towards you.

7. Explosive Personality:

It is hard to be as cool-headed as the spies we see in movies. However, being too easily triggered or ruffled does more harm than good. In the heat of the moment, you might end up doing something you will regret later on when you think with a calm mind.

It is pretty easy to understand why a person would not respect someone who constantly gets angry all the time. We as human beings prefer being around people who have a fun but peaceful aura and personality. If you find yourself in a situation that is triggering, try reverse counting in your head before responding.

8. Inconsistent And Unpredictable Behaviour:

Do you prefer routines or are you a spontaneous person? Well, even most spontaneous people like to have at least some kind of routine in their lives. Imagine suddenly your boss decided to make all weekends working for a month. Certainly, you would dislike the unpredictable nature of your workplace. Similarly, people dislike individuals who are inconsistent in their behaviour and act unpredictably every time. Avoid being inconsistent as it can be demeaning to others. 

9. Avoiding Responsibility:

You cannot escape from responsibilities forever no matter how hard it is. Being there and playing your role no matter the circumstances, indicate reliability. Being accountable makes you a trustable person to others. You cannot respect someone you cannot trust. Mistakes are a huge part of our lives that nobody can avoid. However, if you do not take responsibility for your behaviour, people will lose their respect for you. If not today, then tomorrow. 

10. Being Narrow-Minded:

Everyone has a unique value system and beliefs that may not necessarily match your perspective of correctness. People who do not respect the opinions of others and crumble beneath change will find it hard to gain positive feedback about their own beliefs as well. You cannot expect people to validate your beliefs if you do not validate theirs. People tend to lose respect for narrow-minded people unaccepting of change (Sharma, 2024). 

By now you must have a good idea about the psychological perspective towards respect. Respect is a central need of all human beings and no matter how much we resist it we do crave respect. However, it is important to note that you are not necessarily a bad person even if you notice

some factors that align with your current version. Slowly and gradually you can incorporate changes in your personality that are attributed to respected people. 

FAQs

1. Why do people not respect you? 

People may not respect you if you do not respect yourself. Another reason why someone does not respect you can be that you engage in disrespectful acts yourselves. Avoid being narrow-minded and too self-centric. 

2. How to know that someone does not respect you? 

If someone does not respect you they may neglect your boundaries, break promises, avoid confronting and communicating properly and never apologize for their mistakes. They may also engage in dismissive body gestures to show disinterest. 

3. How to react if someone disrespects you? 

Do not engage in a meaningless argument instead try to see if you can find a common ground if that is not possible it is recommended to step away from that situation. Clarify your boundaries and do not be disrespectful yourself. 

4. How to win people’s respect? 

The key to winning respect is a positive and warm attitude with self-confidence. Avoid being boastful, but don’t engage in negative self-talk either. As far as possible, surround yourself with people who are positive and supportive of your best interests.