Why Does Having a Crush On Someone Give You Anxiety?

All of us have had a crush on someone, a crush that made us extremely anxious. We might find ourselves going out of our way to help them somehow and neglecting our tasks to win their approval. The increased heartbeat, the sweaty palms, and the racing thoughts are all the changes we observe in ourselves when we see our crush. It is not a coincidence that these are all symptoms of anxiety as well. Having a crush includes the interplay of various psychological, social, and biological factors that govern our thoughts, emotions, feelings, and behaviors. 

This anxiety is a normal response since there are various anxiety-inducing factors at play here. These factors include fear of rejection, peer pressure, self-esteem, and more. Biological considerations are also relevant here.

The Biology

When you develop a crush, your brain releases hormones like serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine. All these hormones perform a unique function. Serotonin is known as the ‘feel good’ neurotransmitter, and its primary function is to regulate the person’s mood. When this chemical level lowers, it may lead to obsessive thoughts about someone. Besides having similar functions of making a person feel good, dopamine also controls memory, sleep, focus, and learning. Norepinephrine makes you alert and thus you are hyper fixated on the fact that your crush is around you. The amygdala also becomes more active than usual and interprets these heightened emotions as potential threats, increasing anxiety.

Psychological Components

Rumination

Rumination can be described as overthinking something specific over and over. You might always fixate on the way they spoke to you, the way they texted you, or their body language. Anxiety is a normal reaction when you are around someone you like, but when it leads to overanalyzing every minute detail, it becomes a problem. You might ruminate on small details like them turning to talk to someone else while having a conversation with you. You might begin to think ‘Maybe they just don’t like me’ or ‘Maybe I bore them’. Anxiety results from a vicious cycle of worry brought on by our thoughts.

Read More: The Psychology behind Rumination

Fear of Rejection

This factor is one of the most significant factors that creates anxiety. You are constantly afraid that the person you have a crush on might not feel the same way about you and hence might reject you. Emotional vulnerability also plays a key role here, since while expressing your feelings, you might put yourself in a vulnerable position. Both social and psychological factors are responsible for this. The need for validation from other people, especially the ones you like, is a tendency that is deeply embedded in human nature. This constant tension gives rise to anxious thoughts.

Comparison

You might find yourself comparing yourself to your crush and their standards. For example, you might think they are so good-looking, and I am an average-looking nobody. Why would they even glance at me?’ This comparison is not healthy for your self-esteem. You might always try to find flaws in yourself and frame them as the reasons your crush might use to reject you. Moreover, you may start feeling less worthy of their approval and may also think that they will never reciprocate how you feel for them. The constant comparison might lead to low self-esteem. You feel like it is because of your flaws that you will never win their affection.

Social Factors

Peer Pressure

Our friend group might pressure us to ‘confess our feelings’ to our crush before we are mentally prepared to do so. This peer pressure gives rise to our anxiety, and we start feeling uneasy. Not giving in to peer pressure might be hard since humans are social animals and therefore, we constantly seek validation from people around us. Moreover, we also don’t want our friends to view us as cowardly people who do not have the strength to speak their minds and express their feelings honestly. Talking to a trustworthy friend during times like these can provide emotional support and guide you toward the right course of action.

Social Media

Our lives now revolve around social media. We might interpret the insignificant things here as a sign of something salient. For example, if someone likes our Instagram story, it means that they are interested in us. It does not. It simply means that they liked what you posted. If you post a picture, you might find yourself constantly checking whether your crush has liked and commented on it or not. This constant surveillance and obsession leads to increased anxiety. Furthermore, you might overthink even the slightest signs and over-interpret them as subtle clues. This hypervigilance and rumination play a significant role in fueling our anxious thoughts.

Social Expectations

We are always expected to act appropriately and dress properly in front of people. These expectations are heightened in our minds when we are in the presence of our crushes. Moreover, we are expected to find our ‘right person’ right away. All these expectations weigh on us and come out as anxiety whenever we are around them. In order to impress them, we feel the need to act differently, talk distinctly, and dress fashionably. We think that it might make us stand out from other people, and our crush might notice us. We also tend to hide the parts of us that we feel are embarrassing. It might also lead to low self-esteem.

Managing This Anxiety

While this is a normal experience, management is crucial to prevent it from escalating further and causing significant harm. Some of these strategies include

Acceptance

The first step towards management is accepting that there is an issue that needs to be handled functionally. This awareness makes you compassionate and considerate towards yourself. You begin to accept that this is a normal human tendency and that your emotions are not something unusual. 

Replace Your Irrational Belief

You might try to find flaws in yourself and think that you are not ‘good enough’. The irrational belief you might have could be ‘If they do not like me, maybe I am not likable at all’, which is not accurate. Replace this irrational belief with something productive, like ‘I am a good person worthy of love and should work towards my well-being.’

Deep Breathing

This technique involves inhaling deeply, holding the breath for a few seconds, and exhaling slowly. Doing this a few times might make a person feel refreshed and eliminate some of the body tension. Moreover, practicing mindfulness will help you to focus on the present and help overcome rumination. These practices ground you to reality.

Take Small Steps

Do not go ahead and make big declarations right away. It might be overwhelming for your crush and might lead to them distancing themselves from you. Start with more manageable actions. Know their interests and hobbies, make small conversations, and hang out in group settings. Build your rapport gradually.

Conclusion

Feeling anxious about your crush is a very natural and normal response. It has various social and psychological components to it. These include fear of rejection, peer pressure, overanalyzing on social media, overthinking, social expectations, comparison, etc. These feelings of joy might give you an adrenaline rush, but they also bring a set of challenges and worries along with it. It is crucial that we manage these emotions and thoughts effectively so that they lead to self-improvement and overall well-being. This can be done through awareness, mindfulness, replacing irrational beliefs, taking small steps, etc.

FAQs

1. Is it normal to feel anxious before confessing feelings to my crush?

Yes, it is completely normal to have anxious thoughts and feelings before you put yourself out there and make yourself emotionally vulnerable. Taking small steps like getting to know them a little better might help to ease these feelings.

2. What am I supposed to do if my crush doesn’t like me back?

It is natural to wonder ‘what if?’ but one must be prepared for rejection without undermining themselves. It is possible that they might not feel the same way you do, and that is alright. Focus on self-care and talk to a trustworthy person.

3. When should I seek professional help for my anxiety?

Seek professional help when these anxious thoughts start interfering with your everyday routine and activities of daily living. Moreover, if you notice any abnormal biological signs, consult a professional.