Why do you keep your Success a Secret?: The Fear of Outshining Others

Have you ever thought that you needed to keep your abilities, your success, or your achievement a secret in order to keep other people comfortable? Have you ever held back from speaking up with your entire capability because you didn’t want to threaten other people? If so, you might be suffering from the fear of overshadowing others. 

The fear of overshadowing is a social and psychological phenomenon in which individuals deliberately hold themselves back so that others do not become self-conscious. It occurs in the home, school, workplace, and even in relationships. Though most people do this subconsciously, some people consciously live in their shadow so that they can fit in.

Why do People fear Outshining others? 

The fear of overshadowing others is usually the result of profound beliefs, early experiences, and social conditioning. The following are some of the primary reasons people hold themselves back: 

1. Fear of Rejection 

Most individuals fear that if they differentiate themselves too greatly, they will be rejected or disliked by those around them. This is normally established during childhood, where to be different or better at something may have attracted teasing, envy, or rejection. e.g. As a child, Maya was teased for always answering questions in class. To avoid being called a “know-it-all,” she stopped participating, even when she knew the answers.

2. Cultural and Social Expectations 

Humility and modesty are appreciated a lot in some cultures and communities. One is not encouraged to boast of his/her talents and accomplishments too much. While humility is excellent, it could, at times, become self-defeating if overdone. e.g. Raj grew up in a community that valued humility. When he received an award for his achievements, he downplayed it to avoid seeming arrogant.

3. Protecting Relationships 

Some people hold back because they do not wish other people to feel inferior, e.g., their friends, relatives, or fellow workers. For instance, a student would deliberately do poorly in an exam so that the friends should not feel inferior, or an employee would not initiate a friendly concept into the office so that other people should not feel threatened. e.g. Jake intentionally avoided getting a promotion at work because he didn’t want his colleagues, who were also his friends, to feel left behind.

Read More: Why are Human Beings called Social Animals?

4. Fear of Increased Expectations 

One of the most frequent reasons individuals dim their light is the fear that if they reveal their complete potential, they will be expected to do more in the future. Doing well at something is usually accompanied by more responsibilities, higher expectations, and more pressure to deliver on a consistent basis. e.g. After Sarah aced her first big project, her boss started assigning her even more difficult tasks. Overwhelmed by the pressure, she stopped putting in extra effort.

5. History of Trauma or Bad Experiences

Negative past experiences can program a person to think negatively about success. If a person was bullied, criticized, or punished for being outstanding in the past, they will suppress their talents as a way of preventing pain or conflict. e.g. When Ethan won a competition in school, his peers accused him of bragging and excluded him. Ever since, he hesitated to showcase his talents.

Read More: The Psychology Behind Success

The Effects of Dimming Your Light: 

Keeping yourself back from being your authentic self can have devastating effects on your personal and professional life. Here are some ways it can adversely affect you: 

1. Loss of Self-Identity 

If you suppress your talents continually, you start to lose touch with your authentic self. One day, you may realize you are living somebody else’s life, not your own. e.g. You once loved painting, but over time, you stopped because others dismissed it as unimportant. Now, you struggle to recognize what truly makes you happy.

2. Lost Opportunities 

By keeping your light under wraps, you can miss out on opportunities for success, achievement, and growth. It could be a job promotion, a scholarship award, or the opportunity to share the talents of the world. Keeping back can make you miss out on realizing your potential. e.g. You had the chance to apply for a scholarship, but you held back, fearing it would make others feel bad. Later, you regretted missing out on an opportunity that could have changed your life.

3. Lower Self-Esteem 

Suppressing your talents all the time can make you feel inadequate or undeserving. You may begin to feel that you are not good enough or that you don’t deserve to be successful, and thus develop low self-esteem and self-doubt. e.g. Every time you suppress your ideas in meetings, you start to feel like your voice doesn’t matter. Over time, you begin doubting your own abilities.

Read More: Psychology behind Self-Esteem

4. Internal Frustration and Resentment 

When you don’t let out your best, you will feel resentful or frustrated after a while. You might become stuck, feel unappreciated, or even bitter towards those who do not appear to appreciate your work. e.g. You always help others shine but never take credit for your own work. Eventually, you start feeling overlooked and resentful, wondering why no one acknowledges your contributions.

5. Less Happiness and Satisfaction 

One of the greatest satisfactions in life is employing your gifts and skills to their maximum. The more you restrain yourself, the more dissatisfied you will become in the long term. e.g. You know you have the talent to achieve more, but by constantly holding back, you feel unfulfilled. You often wonder how different life would be if you had embraced your full potential.

How to overcome fear of outshining other: 

Overcoming the fear of overshadowing others means a change of mind and a resolution to accept your true self. The beginning is admitting your fear and knowing that your own success doesn’t take away from other people. Rather than withholding yourself, let the fact sink in that your success will inspire those people. Surround yourself with people who inspire you to be the best, and not those who seek to shame you for your ability. Have a healthy mindset of becoming successful by acknowledging that success is not a scarce resource – there is room for everyone to be successful in their own ability.

It is also important to be kind to yourself and to assure yourself that you are deserving to be successful and should never feel guilty of your capability. Setting personal goals will allow you to know your own path without worrying about others’ opinions about your progress. Finally, affirm your success positively and celebrate your efforts. By letting yourself shine, not only do you live a more enriched life but also encourage others to come into their own light. 

Conclusion

A fear of overshadowing others is a valid and true issue, but it is not something that should control your life. Limiting your ability and talent so that others feel at ease only holds you back from achieving your full potential. By accepting who you are, being around people who are positive, and changing your definition of what success is, you can overcome this fear. You weren’t created to be in the background, you are created to shine. So step into your power, take hold of your success, and let your light shine so bright the world will notice.