What happens in your brain when you’re in love? 

The great Greek philosopher mentions a myth in his book ‘The Symposium’ according to which humans were created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing the great strength that such a creature might have, Zeus, the king of the heavens, splits them into two parts and condemns them to spend their life searching for the other half. And so, when a person meets the half that is their very own, they are struck by a feeling of belongingness and desire called love. 

Whether it be ancient civilisations trying to capture it in myths, the poets in their verses or scientists in their MRI scans, everyone has tried to understand and explain the warm, fuzzy feeling we call love. But a complex web of neurological processes lies underneath the fluttering heartbeats and stolen glances. Our brains go through profound changes while experiencing love, activating specific areas of our brain and releasing many chemicals that alter our decision making, focus and emotions.  

Phase 1 – The Spark: Attraction and the role of Dopamine 

Love often begins with attraction towards someone. The attraction can be physical, or maybe you vibe with someone, but humans desire the person they are attracted to. This desire leads to the reward system of the brain being activated, which leads to the activation of the neurotransmitter dopamine, and the feel-good chemical floods the brain. The Cortisol levels also drop significantly in our brains when we experience love, which leads to a relaxed feeling in our bodies. Cortisol is the stress hormone produced by the adrenal glands. 

Phase 2 – The Obsession: drop in Serotonin levels 

When the initial rush of love fades, the second stage of obsessive thoughts of your loved ones takes hold. This is where serotonin plays its role. Research indicates that individuals who are newly in love have low levels of serotonin in their brains. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter with a role to play in regulating mood, appetite, sleep, etc. So now you know why a fresh love makes you restless, takes away your hunger and results in sleepless nights. 

Low levels of serotonin also lead to an inability to focus on anything other than your love interest. The obsession isn’t just romantic fluff; it’s a neurochemical loop. Interestingly, this biochemical profile closely resembles that of individuals with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). 

Phase 3 – The Bond: Oxytocin and Vasopressin 

After the initial phases of love, a different set of chemicals helps deepen the relationship. 

Two hormones play a major role in this phase: Oxytocin and Vasopressin. Oxytocin is also called the “love hormone” and is a neurotransmitter famous for playing a significant role in romantic bonding. It is also released on physical contact-hugging, kissing, cuddling and at times of sexual intimacy.

Oxytocin enhances the feelings of trust and security. It works with Vasopressin to form long-term attachments. The settling of these chemicals is what helps calm the initial early relationship jitters. These two neurotransmitters work hand in hand in stabilising a relationship, shifting the brain from merely obsessing over a love interest to actually connecting and committing to their partner. 

The final phase: Love Hurts 

Separating from someone you love might feel like a bullet to your heart. But this pain isn’t just metaphorical, studies suggest that love and pain activate the same brain regions. When a person experiences the emotional pain of a breakup or rejection, it activates the cingulate cortex and Insula regions of the brain, which usually activate during physical pain. It hurts physically when experiencing pain emotionally. On the other hand, love can also reduce pain as dopamine and oxytocin not only make us feel good but also have pain-relieving properties. So your love is your strength, quite literally. 

The Long Term picture: From passion to companionate love:- 

With time, the frantic high of romantic love tends to give way to a steadier, caregiving type called companionate love. Although dopamine-fueled euphoria wears off, oxytocin and vasopressin ensure attachment and intimacy remain intact. Brain imaging of long-term couples — even couples married 20 years — reveals that enduring love can indeed continue, though it involves slightly distinct brain areas than recent love. 

These long-term connections are crucial for the stability of the family, raising children, and facing life’s difficulties as a team. Thus, though the butterflies may alight, the connection deepens and takes hold. 

Gender and Brain Differences:- 

While a great deal of the neurological sensation of love is the same in both genders, research indicates that men and women might use different brain areas when they are in love. Men use visual processing areas more, which could be connected to the evolutionary importance of physical appearance in choosing a mate. Women, on the other hand, use memory and social judgment areas more, which could be a sign of attention to emotional context and long-term attachment. These disparities don’t indicate that men and women feel love differently regarding intensity or honesty – They just represent the various neural tactics involved. 

Conclusion 

Love, as much as we like to think of it as something abstract and philosophical, has its roots in our biology and the way our brain functions. Love serves the purpose of providing a reason to bond and mate with others to ensure the survival of our species. But even with all the science, love retains its mystique. We may have figured out ‘how’ we fall in love. But ‘why’ we fall in love with the human we fall in love with is still a big question that can answer a lot of other questions regarding our evolutionary biology.  

FAQs

1. Why does love make people obsessive or distracted? 

In the second phase—The Obsession—serotonin levels drop, which can cause restlessness, lack of appetite, sleeplessness, and an inability to focus on anything but the loved one. This mirrors the biochemical patterns seen in obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). 

2. What hormones are responsible for long-term bonding in love? 

Oxytocin and vasopressin play crucial roles in forming long-term attachment. Oxytocin, known as the “cuddle hormone,” promotes trust and emotional intimacy, while vasopressin supports commitment and stability. 

3. Does heartbreak hurt physically? 

Yes. Brain imaging studies show that emotional pain from rejection or a breakup activates the same brain regions—the cingulate cortex and insula—that are involved in physical pain. 

4. Can love reduce physical pain too?

Absolutely. Dopamine and oxytocin released during love not only make us feel good emotionally but also have natural pain-relieving properties.  

5. What is companionate love? 

Companionate love is a calmer, deeper form of love that develops over time. Though the initial dopamine highs fade, oxytocin and vasopressin continue to support emotional intimacy, trust, and long-term bonding.  

6. Do men and women experience love differently in the brain? 

While love is equally intense and meaningful for all genders, research suggests men may rely more on visual processing, while women engage brain areas related to memory and emotional judgment. These differences reflect evolutionary strategies, not emotional depth.