What Does It Mean to Have a Favourite Child? 

Do Parents Really Have a Favourite Child? 

“I love all my children equally.” Over time, generations of parents have repeated this same phrase. But according to recent studies, favouritism might be far more prevalent than most parents are aware of. Based on personality features, gender, and even birth order, parents frequently treat their  children differently, whether consciously or unconsciously. These researches provides insight into a long-debated topic in family dynamics and psychology. It explores the effects of favoritism on children’s mental health, sibling relationships, and long-term well-being. 

Who Gets the Preferential Treatment? 

The American Psychological Association performed a meta-analysis that examined information from 30 research and more than 19,000 people. The results show that children who are conscientious and amiable, as well as girls, are more likely to be preferred. According to the research, parents may find it simpler to communicate and control these kids, which could result in improved care, more constructive relationships, and more resources being allocated in their favour.  

It’s interesting to note that the initial hypothesis was that fathers would choose sons and mothers would prefer daughters. Both parents, however, were more likely to favour daughters, according to the study. This inclination can result from cultural norms that influence how parents interact with  their children or from gender-based socialization patterns. 

Impact of Favouritism on Mental and Emotional Well being 

Whether it is admitted or rejected, favouritism has a serious negative effect on kids’ mental and emotional health. According to studies, kids who get preferential treatment typically feel more encouraged and appreciated, which boosts their self-esteem and improves their mental health.  

Because they receive more direction and encouragement, they also do better academically. Favorite children also acquire better emotional regulation abilities, which help them efficiently control their emotions. With the help of social confidence and positive reinforcement, they frequently create  better interpersonal interactions. Favouritism helps the child who is chosen, but it can also make others feel neglected or resentful, which emphasizes the importance of a healthy home environment. 

It’s not always a good thing to be the preferred child. Anxiety and perfectionism may result from them struggling with high expectations or developing an entitlement complex. It can be quite stressful to keep up their “golden child” status. Conversely, underprivileged kids are more likely to  experience anxiety, despair, and low self-esteem. They might also be more prone to substance abuse and behavioural issues at home and at school. Favouritism has an impact on family dynamics and emotional health in addition to the individual child. 

Favouritism and Its Lasting Impact on Sibling Relationships 

Sibling relationships are greatly influenced by parental partiality, which frequently results in tension and animosity that lasts a lifetime. Favouritism during childhood considerably lessens sibling intimacy in maturity, according to a Purdue University study that involved over 700 adult offspring. 

Both preferred and unfavoured children suffer; favoured children frequently battle with pressure or guilt, while unfavoured children may harbour hatred. Favouritism has a long-lasting effect on family connections, as evidenced by the way it affects sibling dynamics into midlife and beyond. 

These results are consistent with equity theory, which postulates that people experience uneasiness when money or emotional resources are allocated in an unequal manner. Any unequal treatment, whether or not a child feels favoured, can strain sibling ties and family unity. 

Read More: Psychology of Sibling Relationships: Understanding Their Impact

Unconscious Bias or Intentional Choice? 

Favouritism is rarely deliberate; instead, it frequently results from ingrained prejudices and external circumstances. For a variety of reasons, parents may unintentionally give preference to one child over another. Birth order is important; younger children may be treated more leniently and  affectionately, whereas firstborns are frequently granted greater freedom and responsibility.  

Favouritism is also influenced by personality compatibility, as parents may inherently relate more to kids whose temperaments match their own. Favouritism can be further reinforced by shared interests, so a child who shares a hobby or professional route may be given greater attention and  recognition. Furthermore, parental preferences are influenced by emotional atonement; children who exhibit greater empathy, helpfulness, or emotional support may be preferred, particularly in  times of stress. Family dynamics are shaped by these subtle factors, frequently without the parents realizing the long-term impact on their children’s emotional well-being. 

According to Dr. Ellen Weber Libby, author of The Favourite Child, outside influences like memories of a cherished family member or unique experiences that forge closer emotional ties with a certain child can also have an impact on favouritism. 

How to Address Favouritism and Promote Fair Treatment 

Reducing its adverse impact on family relations requires acknowledging it. Scholars stress that since every child has unique needs, parents should choose justice above rigid equality. One important tactic is self-reflection, which aids parents in evaluating their relationships and identifying  unconscious prejudices. Additionally, open communication is essential because it enables kids to express their emotions and feel appreciated. Parents can address issues early, avoiding anger and promoting a more encouraging home atmosphere when they provide a safe space for conversation.

Equitable parenting is another crucial strategy, in which justice is determined by each person’s unique situation rather than by treating everyone equally. Relationships are strengthened and rivalry is reduced when sibling bonding is promoted through shared activities and dispute resolution.  Parents should also be receptive to criticism because kids could pick up on bias before adults do. Being open to their worries enables the required changes to be made, fostering a more harmonious and healthy family dynamic. 

Understanding and Resolving Perceived Favouritism 

Dr. Alexander Jensen, one of the study’s primary researchers, recalls a moment when his eldest daughter complained that her younger sister had more clothes. Instead of dismissing her concern, he explained that the difference was due to hand-me-downs. His daughter accepted the explanation, highlighting the importance of open communication in family relationships.

What This Means for Families and Society 

Even though it’s sometimes unintended, parental favouritism has serious repercussions that last  throughout adulthood. It can influence how kids view themselves, how siblings interact, and even  how parents raise their kids in the future. Healthy family connections can be promoted by being  aware of the underlying causes and dealing fairly and consciously with favouritism. 

The study is a wake-up call for parents to examine their own conduct and how their interactions  with their children may be influencing their development. Parents may foster a more peaceful and  caring home atmosphere by making sure each child feels supported and appreciated. 

Take Away

The existence of favouritism is confirmed by decades of psychological research; it is not a myth.  Although it might never be completely eradicated, its effects can be lessened with awareness and  deliberate effort. According to Dr Jensen, “The challenge is that siblings are different and have to be  parented differently to some degree but hopefully in healthy and appropriate ways.” 

In the end, parents should exercise mindfulness but not strive for perfection. Families can strive toward a more loving and balanced dynamic where every child feels cherished, regardless of their  gender, temperament, or birth order, by encouraging candid discussions, acknowledging biases, and  placing a high priority on fairness.

FAQs

1. Why does my sibling seem to get more attention from our parents? 

Parents may unconsciously favour a child based on personality, birth order, or shared interests. It’s  not always intentional, but open communication can help address feelings of neglect or unfair  treatment. 

2. If I’m the favourite child, should I feel guilty? 

Being favoured isn’t your fault, but recognizing it can help maintain healthy sibling relationships.  Show empathy, avoid boasting, and encourage fair treatment to create a more balanced family  dynamic. 

3. Can favouritism affect my Relationship with my siblings as an Adult? 

Yes, childhood favouritism can cause long-term resentment, leading to distant or strained sibling  relationships. Honest conversations and mutual understanding can help repair bonds and improve  family dynamics. 

4. Why do my parents expect more from me than my sibling? 

Firstborns or responsible children often face higher expectations. Parents may unknowingly assign  roles, but discussing your stress with them can help set fairer expectations. 

5. How can I talk to my parents if I feel less favoured? 

Choose a calm moment to express your feelings without blaming them. Use “I” statements, like “I  feel left out when…” to encourage understanding and a more balanced approach to parenting.