What do Ambivalent People Actually Feel?

Ambivalence is a contradictory feeling. It might be triggered by everyday events, life changes major transitions, or once-in-a-lifetime moments. Ambivalent people feel both positive and negative feelings simultaneously. They might feel nostalgic or bittersweet, or being terrified and excited, or attraction and hesitation, or hope and fear at the same time. They might feel a sense of emptiness, struggling to understand what they feel. This can lead to feelings of inferiority and withdrawal from others. They grapple with not fully comprehending themselves.

However, psychology says it’s a normal human feeling. The fairy tales we watch don’t describe ambivalence. Those characters are never good and bad but good or bad. They term them heroes or villains. A hero is a hero all the time and a villain is a villain all the time. There is no in-between. But reality doesn’t join hands with this idea. Humans are heroes at times and villains at times. For instance, we feel good and also bad. Sometimes it happens simultaneously which is known to be the feeling of ambivalence.

Ambivalence stems from 

There are various factors, such as 

• Fear of the unknown
• Competing needs or desires
• Past experiences of being hurt or betrayal
• Difficulty prioritizing between equally attractive choices.

Ambivalent people might experience 

Higher levels of stress, anxiety, and frustration. They often become paralyzed by overthinking, because they spend more time analyzing options which can lead to decision fatigue. This constant mental tug-of-war can be both mentally exhausting and physically draining.

What does it feel like to be ambivalent?

1. Torn Between Two Worlds

Suppose you are standing at a crossroads facing two options – one signifies something you want in your life but cannot have. It may be a safe comfortable life that does not bring happiness but at the cost of your freedom, while other offers excitement and joy but risk pain or uncertainty. Both options pull at you and push you away at the same time – and you can only grasp one but part of you wants the other. There is one who groans, ‘Go on, I want to win the race!’ and there is another who drags back, ‘No, don’t get up the pace, it’s dangerous!’. It’s like having an inner tug-of-war. This feeling of being pulled in two opposite directions can result in intense frustration or draining.

2. The Emotional Tug-of-War

As stated and as the term suggests ambivalence is like being caught in a storm where you are in the spotlight but all mixed up in contradictory emotions. Think of a person you love, someone you are passionate about, but this person has also rejected once or offended you. You might even feel love and anger, hope and disappointment, longing and resentment not just with the same person, but at the same time. Whereas love and affection dictate that you are drawn to them, betrayal and hurt are forces that cause you to run away from them. The result? Emotional confusion. The ability to have no idea if one should lean onto one’s feelings or guard oneself. It’s not that you do not like them, some bitterness can be hard to shake off. You may be attracted to the opportunity but the what-ifs in your mind will hold you back.

3. Cognitive Dissonance

Another feeling that ambivalent people experience is cognitive dissonance, a psychological term that points to the feeling of discomfort of holding two conflicting thoughts or beliefs at the same time. It is like being stuck between knowing what’s good for you and enjoying the power to do just the opposite. For example, you realized a long time ago that working at a place you despise brings a lot of unhappiness but the security and routine it offers also provide a sense of comfort and fear of the unknown.

Hence, you might talk yourself into staying put for a little bit longer, and yet, within you, there is resentment toward what holds you there. This generates a form of psychological noise, in which the mind and the feelings are on different pages. There is one side of you that says you need to do something, become better, and make your life better, but there is the side that is just too scared or too comfortable where it is. Exactly, this internal conflict adds up anxiety, hesitation, and stress as everyone and everything inside a person struggles to make the decision, that doesn’t seem to come.

4. Stuck Between the Past and the Future

Ambivalence often arises in the context of the tension between the old and the new. This is true in marriage, business, job promotions, and personal development. Ambivalent people may feel nostalgic for the comfort of the past, even though they know it wasn’t perfect, while simultaneously learning about the possibility of something better in the future, but feeling unsure about how to get there. It is the conflict between the known and the unknown and although uncomfortable, both the past and the future hold no clear solution to this problem.

5. Conflicted Desires and Values

Think of someone who deeply values family and connection, but also craves freedom and independence. These two desires might be conflicting and might create a profound psychological conflict. Maybe the person is in a dilemma to choose between staying with the family and achieving personal goals that can lead to separation. And the indecision here is not just between options; it is about trying to justify two opposing beliefs that exist in a person.

Emotions that force them to remain connected with relationships and other people affect them in one way, while emotions that make them want to be independent and progress in personal development affect them in another way. This results in a state of roller coaster-like emotional pressures, which can leave the person feeling stuck or unsure of how to move forward without losing something important to them.

Ambivalent people in a relationship- a constant Push and Pull

In matters of the heart, however, ambivalent people could be rather touching. This means that they can be deeply in love with a person but still feel dissatisfied with aspects of the relationship that aren’t working. Of course, they seek intimacy, but there is also an urge to protect themselves, therefore, the desire to remain emotionally detached. It seems to them as if the relationship is comforting as well as a nuisance. The person might be seen as the best thing in their life, and yet the most infuriating at the same time. Emotional ambivalence can be very tiring. To be in such a state is taxing, more so when one person in the relationship is ready to make a decision, while the other is still struggling to figure out what they want.

Conclusion

Ambivalent people experience a mix of conflicting emotions, often feeling torn between opposing desires or beliefs. This inner conflict can lead to confusion, frustration, and indecision, as they struggle to reconcile what they want with what they fear or need. Whether it’s love and resentment, security and risk, or hope and doubt, ambivalence creates emotional tension and uncertainty. While challenging, it also offers an opportunity for self-reflection and growth, as individuals navigate these complexities and gain clarity about their true desires and priorities.

FAQs

1. What is Ambivalence?

Ambivalence is to feel both positive and negative feelings simultaneously. Ambivalent people might feel nostalgic or bittersweet, or being terrified and excited, or attraction and hesitation, or hope and fear at the same time.

2. Why do people feel ambivalent?

Ambivalence can stem from various factors, such as fear of the unknown, competing needs or desires, past experiences of being hurt or betrayed, and difficulty prioritizing between equally attractive choices. However, the cause of this feeling might vary from person to person.

3. How does it feel to be ambivalent?

Ambivalent people feel like being torn between two worlds, have an emotional tug-of-war, possess conflicted desires and values, are stuck between the past and the future, and have cognitive dissonance.

4. Is it normal to be ambivalent?

Yes, psychology says it’s a normal human feeling. Ambivalent people might feel a sense of emptiness, struggling to understand what they feel. This can lead to feelings of inferiority and withdrawal from others. They grapple with not fully comprehending themselves.