Romantic relationships are a very integral part of our lives, having companionship can make our experiences more colourful, and it may act as a shield of support during our trying times. Despite the beauty of the relationships, it can sometimes feel very intense and overwhelming. You might feel like they just need to hit the pause button. Whether you are taking a break because you feel like you need some time for self-reflection, to gain perspective or if there is a conflict in a relationship, reconnecting with your partner becomes an essential part.
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Reconnecting and strengthening your relationship with your partner may take some time, patience and most importantly the willingness to work out the relationship. Here are some tips to help you and your partner to reconnect and strengthen your bond.
Understanding the break
The first step towards rekindling your relationship with your partner is to understand the reason for the break. Was it because of some underlying issue or a misunderstanding, or was it because of some life changes such as a new job or moving to a new city (Karney & Bradbury, 1995)? Finding the reason for the break is crucial and requires a great deal of self-reflection.
According to the attachment style theory by Bowlby, one’s expectations and behaviour in adult relationships are shaped by early experiences with their caregiver. The process of self-reflection can help you understand these patterns which may contribute to certain conflicts in the relationship. By understanding these patterns you can focus on the root cause rather than just dealing with the symptom (Fraley & Shaver, 2000).
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In addition, it’s crucial to actively create an atmosphere of trust, empathy, and non-judgment, allowing your partner to feel secure and supported when opening up.
TIP: Consider giving journaling a try, as it can be a helpful way to gain insight into your patterns and how they impact your relationships. By regularly recording your thoughts and experiences, you may be able to identify recurring themes or behaviours that could be influencing your relationships.
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Open Communication
Research shows that openly talking and expressing your emotions can help you to reconnect with your partner. Open and honest communication may include being able to recognise your and your partner’s emotions, giving your partner the space to talk about and experience their emotions and most importantly active listening (Cordova et al., 2005).
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Engaging in active listening goes beyond merely hearing the words spoken by your partner. It includes offering your undivided attention to what your partner is communicating and providing appropriate verbal and nonverbal cues, such as “I see,” “go on,” and “I understand.” You may also reflect and paraphrase your partner’s words, for example, “So, you’re saying that…”(Weger et al., 2014; Simon 2018). Openly communicating about your feelings has also been shown to increase emotional intimacy which in turn can help you rekindle your relationship with your partner.
TIP: You can create scheduled check-in times where you and your partner discuss your emotions. This intentional and regular practice allows you and your partner to have a dedicated time to openly communicate. In addition, it’s crucial to actively create an atmosphere of trust, empathy, and non-judgment, allowing your partner to feel secure and supported when opening up.
Quality Time
Quality time goes beyond merely spending time. Quality time includes intentional interactions and doing meaningful activities together (Snyder, 2007). You can either engage in activities you and your partner already like or explore new hobbies together. Engaging in shared activities allows you to make new memories with your partner and deepen your bond.
When you invest in spending quality time together it makes your partner feel valued and understood thus fostering a strong emotional bond and creating a sense of security. Spending quality time together also allows you to know more about your partner, you gain an insight into their thoughts, emotions and their world view. And at last, quality time with your partner can help both of you to relieve some stress and unwind after a long day (Feeney & Collins, 2015)
TIP: For a fun weekend getaway, you and your partner can plan a spontaneous trip. You can also join a cooking class together to learn new recipes and enjoy creating meals as a team. Watching movies together can be a great way to unwind, whether it’s at home or a theatre. Going on walks together in a park does not take much planning and is pocket-friendly, but gives the same satisfaction.
Couples therapy
Couples therapy such as emotion-focused therapy can help you to rekindle your relationship with your partner. Therapy can also help to equip you with the right kind of techniques and ways of communication which can help navigate through various conflicts (Schofield et al., 2012). Therapy can also help you to inculcate a “developmental perspective”.
According to Coleman (2011), the Developmental perspective refreshes to perceiving your relationship conflicts and disagreements and as an opportunity for growth and improvement rather than perceiving them as unconquerable conflicts. Developing this perspective you can navigate through the conflicts in a better way, thus improving your bond with your partner.
TIP: Research therapists who specialize in couples counselling and consider attending a few sessions to see if it’s a good fit for both of you.
Setting boundaries
Defining what is acceptable to your partner is a crucial step for creating a respectful and meaningful connection. Having clear boundaries helps to create a safe emotional space for both partners, it also contributes to reducing misunderstands and navigating through conflicts. This may include setting clear expectations around personal space and time for hobbies and boundaries around communication (Tatkin, 2011).
TIP: Together, Sit with your partner and create a list of boundaries that meet both of your needs. To ensure that your connection remains meaningful and relevant, review this list frequently and update it as necessary.
Reestablishing trust
Trust is one of the most critical aspects of any relationship. However, creating trust is an ongoing process that requires patience and sustained work. You should maintain consistency in your behaviours and words, as well as be open and honest with your partner. Open communication, shared experiences, and long-term reliability are all ways to build trust. It’s about creating an emotional connection built on honesty, respect, and mutual understanding (Jain, 2022)
TIP: Foster trust in your relationship by communicating openly, keeping your word, and displaying empathy and support. This creates a safe environment in which you can both be vulnerable and rely on one another.
Conclusion
Rebuilding and strengthening the bond with your partner is an important process that requires patience and understanding. When taking a break from your relationship, it’s essential to first understand the reasons behind it. Perhaps there are underlying issues or recent life changes that have caused a strain. Creating a space of trust, empathy, and non-judgment can encourage open communication and understanding and is essential for rekindling your relationship.
It’s important to actively listen to your partner and provide them with the opportunity to express their emotions. Spending quality time together can intensify your bond and provide opportunities to understand each other in depth. Therapy can provide a fresh perspective on relationship challenges and help you view them as opportunities for growth and improvement. Working with a professional can equip you with the tools needed to rebuild and strengthen your relationship.
References +
Coleman, L. M. (2011). Improving relationship satisfaction: Qualitative insights derived from individuals currently within a couple relationship. Family Journal: Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families, 19(4), 369-380. https://doi.org/10.1177/1066480711420040
Cordova, J. V., Gee, C. B., & Warren, L. Z. (2005). Emotional skillfulness in marriage: Intimacy as a mediator of the relationship between emotional skillfulness and marital satisfaction. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 24(2), 218-235. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.24.2.218.62270
Feeney, B. C., & Collins, N. L. (2015). A new look at social support: A theoretical perspective on thriving through relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 19(2), 113-147. https://doi.org/10.1177/1088868314544222
Fraley, R. C., & Shaver, P. R. (2000). Adult romantic attachment: Theoretical developments, emerging controversies, and unanswered questions. Review of General Psychology, 4(2), 132-154.
Jain, D. M. (2022). Trust, intimacy, and relationship satisfaction among young adults. The International Journal of Indian Psychology, 10(4), 47-55. https://doi.org/10.25215/1004.16
Karney, B. R., & Bradbury, T. N. (1995). The longitudinal course of marital quality and stability: A review of theory, methods, and research. Psychological Bulletin, 118(1), 3–34. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.118.1.3
Simon, C. (2018). The functions of active listening responses. Behavioural Processes, 157, 47-53. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.beproc.2018.09.001
Schofield, M. J., Mumford, N., Jurkovic, D., Jurkovic, I., & Bickerdike, A. (2012). Short and long-term effectiveness of couple counselling: A study protocol. BMC Public Health, 12, https://doi.org/10.1186/1471-2458-12-735
Snyder, K. A. (2007). A vocabulary of motives: Understanding how parents define quality time. Journal of Marriage and Family, 69(2), 320-340. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2007.00368.x
Tatkin, S. (2011). Wired for love: How understanding your partner’s brain and attachment style can help you defuse conflict and build a secure relationship. New Harbinger Publications.
Weger, H., Jr., Bell, G. C., Minei, E. M., & Robinson, M. C. (2014). The relative effectiveness of active listening in initial interactions. International Journal of Listening, 28(1), 13-31. https://doi.org/10.1080/10904018.2013.813234
