The Psychology of Infidelity

Discovering that you’ve been deceived, betrayed, and ultimately replaced by someone else can be an incredibly painful experience. Infidelity or extramarital affairs are common reasons for breakups and divorces, impacting both partners but in distinct ways. Read on to explore the emotional complexities involved.

Infidelity: A Growing Challenge in Relationships 

Infidelity refers to a breach of trust in a committed relationship, typically involving one partner engaging in romantic or sexual activities with someone outside the relationship. According to the survey conducted by the Institute for Family Studies (IFS), men are statistically more likely to cheat than women, with 20% of men and 10% of women admitting to being unfaithful while married. Research indicates that approximately 30–40% of unmarried couples experience at least one instance of sexual infidelity.

Read More: Importance of Trust in Relationships

Who has an Extramarital Affair? 

A marriage breaks for multiple reasons, but infidelity is the top reason in all cultures worldwide. People who have an extramarital affair are individuals with:

• permissive sexual attitudes
• weak connection to their partner
• lower satisfaction with their partner
• stronger sexual interests (or high libido)
• and people who have greater access to sexual opportunities.

Research also found that men tend to cheat their pregnant wives. Gender differences do exist in infidelity, and research indicates that men are more prone to engage in extramarital sex when they are sexually unsatisfied, whereas women are more likely to do so when they feel emotionally unsatisfied. Hence, women get more upset when they suspect emotional infidelity, and men do the opposite.

Read More: The Psychology Behind Cheating

Exploring The Psychological Effects of Infidelity 

Infidelity can inflict significant psychological harm, leading to feelings of anger, betrayal, rivalry, depression, diminished self-esteem, anxiety, betrayal trauma, and even post-traumatic stress disorder. Both men and women may face social consequences if their unfaithfulness is exposed. Infidelity can leave a lot of scars on individuals and on their relationships. People who cheat and their partners who got cheated go through different emotional turmoil, and their recovery rates are not the same. People who cheat emotionally or physically recover from the incident and move on faster. There are some psychological effects of being cheated on:

1. Emotional Distress

Discovering a partner’s affair, whether emotional or sexual, can trigger an intense wave of emotions. You might feel a chaotic mix of betrayal, anger, sadness, and confusion. The sense of betrayal often brings a deep feeling of loss and emptiness, while anger arises because the promise they made and the trust you had were broken. Anguish, humiliation, and fury engulf you. Sadness may lead to feelings of loneliness or despair, and confusion can create constant questions about the reasons surrounding the infidelity. Why did they cheat? Was it my mistake? How could they cheat? Where did everything go wrong? Such questions keep haunting one’s mind.

2. Trust Issues

When suspicions enter, trust leaves through the back door. You begin to question their every move. Sexual jealousy takes over, and you start becoming more and more possessive or controlling. But do these complications with trust go away after separation? The answer is, no! One betrayal is enough to leave indelible marks on the heart. The wounds interfere when you try to trust someone new again. A person with trust issues build a wall around themselves, and people trying to love them get tired and frustrated in the end.

3. Affects Self-Esteem

People who get cheated fall prey to self-blame and try to pin the hole on themselves. Maybe something is wrong with me?! Maybe I’m not good enough! This kind of negative self-talk overwhelms and drowns them into an unending melancholic state. They start questioning their worthiness. It comes as a big blow to their senses of self.

4. Anxiety and Depression 

Mental health issues like depression and anxiety have been associated with infidelity. A person may become disinterested, numb, and hopeless. They might wallow in sadness and self-pity. Their chronic anxiety makes them question other people around them. Everyone’s bond is analysed on the grounds of trustworthiness. And an individual may experience relationship anxiety, leading to increased feelings of insecurity about themselves.

5. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

They might suffer from nightmares related to the infidelity, continuously reliving the pain and shock of the betrayal. Replaying it again and again in their head like a broken record Intrusive thoughts can become pervasive, with the individual fixating on the betrayal and the loss of physical intimacy in their relationship. To cope with the emotional pain, they may develop emotional numbness as a defensive mechanism. They become hyper-vigilant and obsessively monitor their partner’s behaviour, searching for any signs of further dishonesty. People may also develop ‘Post Infidelity Stress Disorder’ after the traumatic event. Symptoms are similar to PTSD, like rumination, trauma recall, numbness, isolation, and insomnia.

Read More: Infidelity And Micro Cheating: Hurdle in A Relationship

What do people who cheat go through?

After cheating on their partner, a person may go through an emotional rollercoaster too.

• Anger: one might be angry at themselves or at the person they’re seeing right now.
• Fear: admitting your mistakes on your own or being caught and facing an ugly confrontation causes a very uncomfortable fear.
• Anxiety: explaining and apologising for your mistake or breaking up with your partner is a decision that can make you nervous and uncertain.
• Confusion: you would find yourself questioning why you did what you did. Whether it was just a one-night stand or a serious relationship, confusion lurks. You don’t know if what you’re doing is correct or not, and you don’t know what will happen next.
• Guilt: Feeling guilty after cheating on someone is a natural response. Guilt indicates that you recognise the wrongdoing and acknowledge the pain you’ve caused your partner. While it can be a challenging emotion to confront, it can also motivate you to seek a path toward making amends.

Read More: Addressing the Motives & Factors Behind Cheating in Relationships

 Healing from Infidelity

• Set new relationship goals and start anew.
• Set clear boundaries and mutual expectations in your relationship.
• Practice forgiveness if you think you both still have feelings for each other.
• Give yourself enough time and space to heal. Be patient with yourself and your partner.
• Seeking professional help and getting couples therapy can save the relationship that has collapsed.
• Transparent communication is the key to clearing the air and rebuilding trust that just vanished with one act.
• Analyse the situation and see how and why it all went down. Spot and rectify the mistakes to understand your relationship and revive it.
• Opt for healthy and amicable healing together. Bickering and quarrelling affect your mental health and also your kid’s mental well-being.

 We live in an era where infidelity, one-night stands, and friends with benefits are the trend. Let’s remind ourselves that love, relationship, or marriage all mean just one thing—effort! And don’t ever forget that cheating is a choice.

There’s something wrong with your character if opportunity controls your loyalty.

Trent Shelton

 FAQs 

1. What are the signs of infidelity?

Signs of Infidelity include changes in behaviour, increased secrecy, emotional distance, or sudden changes in routine. 

2. Is infidelity always a sign of a failed relationship?

Not necessarily. While infidelity often indicates underlying issues, some couples can heal and rebuild trust if both partners are committed to working through the aftermath.