The Psychology Behind the Silent Treatment

Silent treatment is a frame of passionate mishandling where one individual denies communicating with another. This gesture can beget confusion, stress, and emotional pain. Understanding the psychology behind the silent treatment can help you feel it, address it, and ease your connections.

According to Clinical Psychologist Kripanidh Kaur, “The silent treatment is more than just silence! It speaks volumes and can be a heavy emotional burden in any relationship. As humans we crave care, connection and comfort but silent treatment just fails to satisfy these longings. It reflects total emotional abandonment. It is not a boundary. It’s a tactic! And that too a manipulative tactic to elicit engagement through the use of silence. It is not about taking space. Taking space involves direct communication and a little time off is needed.

But in silent treatment, the intention is to hurt the other person with their silence. It’s a coercive controlling behaviour, a form of emotional abuse. And this just creates internal chaos and low self-esteem for anybody who is at the receiving end of this problematic silence. It makes the victim hyper-vigilant to micro expressions and always on alert for any changes in communications. It is often accompanied by gaslighting. If the victim reacts with their own frustration, then the whole focus of the problem shifts and one is just left confused or wondering if they are the problem! Experiencing all this as an adult is even more worrisome because of the added pressure of, ‘Oh! I am an adult! How can I be so affected by just – silence !?'”

What is Silent Treatment?

It occurs when someone intentionally ignores or refuses to speak to another person. This can be in any relationship, whether it’s between romantic mates, musketeers, family members, or associates. The silent treatment is frequently unresistant-aggressive and is constantly used to control the other person.

Why Do People Use Silent Treatment?

People use the silent treatment for a variety of reasons. Then are some common motives

• Power and Control: By refusing to communicate, the person using silent treatment gains a sense of power and control over the other person. This can make the victim feel helpless and anxious.
• Avoiding Conflict: Some people use the silent treatment to avoid defying delicate issues. Rather than agitating the problem, they choose silence.
• Discipline: The silent treatment can be a form of discipline, making the other person feel shamed or unworthy.
• Emotional Overwhelm: Occasionally, people use the silent treatment because they feel overwhelmed and don’t know how to express their passions.

The Cerebral Impact of the Silent Treatment

It can have serious cerebral goods on the person entering it. These are some of the impacts

• Emotional Pain: Being ignored can beget deep emotional pain and passion for rejection.
• Anxiety and Stress: The query and lack of communication can lead to anxiety and stress.
• Lowered tone-regard: The silent treatment can make the victim feel unworthy and question their worth.
• Confusion: The lack of communication can lead to confusion and distress about the relationship.

How to Address the Silent Treatment

Addressing the silent treatment requires understanding and effective communication. 

• Stay Calm: It’s important to remain calm and not reply negatively to the silent treatment.
• Responding: worthlessness or frustration can trigger the situation.
• Initiate Communication: Try to start a discussion with the person using silent treatment. Express your passions calmly and easily.
• Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries about respectability in your relationship. Let the person know that silent treatment isn’t a respectable way to handle conflicts.
• Seek Help: If the silent treatment continues or is causing significant emotional pain, consider seeking help from a therapist or counsellor.
• Tone-Care: Take care of your emotional well-being. Engage in conditioning that makes you feel good and helps you manage stress.

Causes and Reasons for Silent Treatment:

• Emotional Regulation and Avoidance: A person’s emotions can affect their environment, causing anxiety and fear. This can increase loneliness and lead to avoidance in their personal life.
• Lack of Communication: When someone stops communicating with both loved ones and strangers, it becomes difficult to maintain good relationships.
• Past Experiences: Their past experiences of triggering events have caused them to start using silent treatment, affecting their behaviour.
• Manipulation and Punishment: Manipulation and punishment are all about in-between relationships effect through nature which causes a cold effect of not speaking to each other.

 How to respond to silent treatment : 

• Stay patience 
• Express your feelings and speak out 
• Give space and time for the other to know more 
• Being silent at the appropriate time
• Avoid escaping from situations 
•  Seeking help 
• Focus on self–assessment and care 

Examples of Handling the Silent Treatment

• Example 1 If your mate is giving you the silent treatment, you might say, “I feel hurt and confused when you ignore me. Can we please talk about what’s bothering you?”

• Example 2 If a friend is using the silent treatment, you might say, “I value our fellowship and would like to resolve any issues. Can we bandy what’s going on?”

• Example 3 If a colleague is giving you the silent treatment, you might say, “I notice we have not been communicating well lately. Let’s find a way to work through this together.” 
• Example 4 if your parents are giving you the silent treatment, you might say, “I feel distress when you two are talking with me. Can we talk about the issue?”

According to Clinical Psychologist Sana Kulsum Naqushbandi, silent treatment encompasses a range of actions, such as avoiding eye contact, refusing to engage in conversation, or actively ignoring someone’s attempts to communicate. While it may seem non-violent because it lacks physical aggression, it can be profoundly damaging, leaving long-lasting emotional scars. Choosing silence over dialogue disregards the other person’s feelings entirely, and though no physical harm is inflicted, the emotional consequences can be severe. Here are some reasons that people resort to silent treatment:

• Blaming You for a Problem: Silent treatment may be used as an avoidance tactic by someone who believes you are at fault for an issue. Instead of addressing the problem, they might resort to ignoring you, thinking the issue will resolve itself or simply out of frustration. Unfortunately, this approach often exacerbates conflicts, creating unnecessary drama or amplifying existing problems.
• Intending to Hurt or Punish: In some cases, silence is weaponized as a means to deliberately inflict emotional pain. This can stem from selfishness, a lack of respect, or a desire to control the dynamic. The person may even manipulate the situation to present themselves as the victim, invalidating your feelings and adding to the harm.
• Believing It’s the Right Approach: Sometimes, people believe that ignoring someone is a productive or necessary step. They might think it’s beneficial for the other person, or they may be trying to avoid a confrontation but fail to communicate this need for space. While their intentions might not always be malicious, the silent treatment can still cause significant emotional distress.

• Parenting and the Silent Treatment: When directed at children, the silent treatment can be especially harmful. It may seem like a harmless disciplinary strategy, but it’s deeply damaging. Children learn best through understanding and guidance, not through emotional isolation. If a child makes a mistake, it’s far more effective to explain what went wrong and help them grow from the experience. Ignoring them only creates emotional wounds that can persist into adulthood.
• Struggling with communication and emotion regulation: Not everyone is good at putting their thoughts and emotions into words. When they feel upset, they may not know how to explain what’s bothering them, so they just stay quiet. Sometimes, people don’t know why they’re upset. They might feel hurt, confused, or frustrated but can’t figure out the exact reason. Staying quiet can feel like the easiest way to deal with these emotions.
• Scared of Arguments: For some, silence is a way to avoid a fight. They might have had bad experiences in the past when they spoke up or worried about how the other person would react, so they chose to stay silent instead.
• They Want to Appear Calm: Some people stay silent to look like they’re being reasonable while secretly blaming or punishing the other person. It’s their way of saying, “I’m not the problem here—you are.”
• Social Learning: People may learn this behaviour from their environment, such as family dynamics or past relationships. If they observed others using silence as a means of communication or conflict resolution, they might adopt similar strategies.
• Timeout: Taking a timeout from a highly contentious interaction is often a positive move in a typical disagreement. However, timeouts may be utilized by those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder to “buy more time” in hopes the other person will be less reactive over time.
• Stonewalling: It happens when someone emotionally shuts down during a conflict, often appearing to ignore or avoid the other person. This is usually due to being overwhelmed, also known as “flooding,” where the brain is unable to function normally. It’s a response to perceived threats, like when a person freezes instead of reacting in a fight-or-flight situation. This shutdown can be conscious, like wanting to avoid saying the wrong thing, or unconscious, like dissociation, and it can make the conflict worse.

Take Away

It is dangerous and can damage connections and beget significant emotional torture. Understanding its cerebral roots and learning how to address it can help you make healthier and further communicative connections. Effective communication and setting boundaries are pivotal in precluding and dealing with the silent treatment. By fetching the signs and taking a visionary way, you can ameliorate your connections and ensure they’re grounded on collective respect and understanding.

FAQs

1. Is the silent treatment considered emotional abuse?

Yes, it can be considered a form of emotional abuse because it causes emotional pain and torture.

2. How long does the silent treatment generally last?

The duration of the silent treatment varies. It can last from many hours to several days or indeed longer, depending on the person and the situation.

3. Can the silent treatment ever be justified?

While it’s important to take time to cool off after a conflict, dragged silent treatment isn’t a healthy way to handle dissensions. Effective communication is crucial to resolving issues.

4. How can I help the silent treatment in my connections?

Precluding the silent treatment involves open communication, setting clear boundaries, and addressing conflicts directly. Encourage healthy ways of expressing passions.

5. What if the silent treatment becomes a pattern in my relationship?

If the silent treatment becomes a recreating pattern, it may be helpful to seek professional help from a therapist or counsellor to address the underpinning issues.