The Psychology Behind Long-Distance Relationships

Distance makes the heart grow fonder. We have all heard this phrase and believed in it, and why not? It provides a positive outlook on an otherwise difficult situation. The idea is that when we miss a person, we realize how much we love them. But what happens when the distance is too long, geographically and temporally? Does this phrase hold any validity for lovers apart, or is it just a comfortable lie they tell each other before everything falls apart?  

Effects on the Individual’s Health 

Living away from your partner can have a lot of effects on one’s physical and mental health. You can feel stressed on a chronic level. This happens because the individual could be afraid of being alone, and thoughts of uncertainty about the future of the relationship can cloud the mind. Physical distance often translates into real or perceived emotional distance as well.  

The happy hormones which are normally felt in the presence of your loved one, might decrease. The lack of these hormones, dopamine and serotonin, can adversely affect motivation and attention. It can cause sleeplessness, anxiety, appetite loss and mood fluctuation. According to many researchers, it is also a potential causal factor of major depressive disorder. 

Breaking of Trust and Lack of Communication 

Your partner is not living in the same city as you, so there is no way of possibly knowing what they are doing, or who they are meeting when they are not talking to you. This seems very scary. It brings up all your inner insecurities that you were trying to hide or felt like you were over them. Questions like “Are they really busy as they say?”, “what if they have found someone else” or the all-time haunting “Do they still love me” keeps popping in the brain. 

People in relationships, even proximal ones, might have been bothered by these doubts, but when your partner is not in front of you and when you are not meeting them regularly, it becomes very hard to run away from any doubts and reassure yourself. Being on the other end of this, it could be pretty bothering to have constantly raised questions against your loyalty when you are telling the truth.  

Also, couples start feeling like they are not spending as much time as they used to. They decrease communication which gives rise to misunderstandings. They might feel neglected or even unloved by their partner. Another dimension is when the couple is living in different time zones. It could get very difficult to match the time according to the availability of both people, without ruining their sleep routine and lifestyle.  

Physical Intimacy 

Human health and well-being depend heavily on touch. Couples can express their affection for one another by holding hands, cuddling, and kissing. In a relationship, the cuddle hormone, oxytocin strengthens our bonds with one another. Healthy sex and physical intimacy are two of the most crucial elements in maintaining a happy loving relationship. A byproduct of physical contact is its ability to strengthen emotional connection. So, working out a relationship with just phone calls and texts can be very difficult and frustrating. This problem increases when regular visits are not possible, and the couple would be out of any physical contact for a very long duration. 

A Cycle of Problems 

So, the problem starts with your partner not being in town for a long while. This carries a bunch of issues affecting the people individually. Now how do you think it will impact the relationship? Well, we probably can’t call it healthy. The plethora of problems will just worsen the initial situation. One or both partners feeling stressed out and insecure will cause huge complications. This will result in continuing and increasing the difficulties even more. The relationship will get messy and the long-distance set-up will be even more unsettling. 

This will put them in a vicious cycle which would eventually end in two lovers who may or may not have forgotten to miss each other, or who will prefer to miss the other person alone rather than staying in this doom. But there is always an escape, there is a chance where you can fight the war of distance together with your partner and end up being stronger after all.  

How to Work It Out 

Distance might make the heart grow fonder, but you have to put considerable amounts of effort into it to remain true. A long-distance relationship is not a test of true love, so if anything goes wrong, both people have to believe that it is not a sign of their connection being weak or not having enough love. Whatever problems you are facing, is directly or indirectly related to the distance, so you have to work towards it together.

The most important thing is maintaining a proper form of communication, and whatever happens, there should be no failure in it. Texting is a good option for when you are at work, but always rely on phone calls and especially video calls. Keep a relationship ritual, this could be a hobby you do together or anything you like doing to feel happiness and attachment to the other person.

To keep your serotonin in check, have a healthy diet and exercise regularly. Build a sense of trust and try not to lose it. Keep a check on when your imagination is taking over you and while paying attention to each other’s emotions, try to continue thinking logically. Lastly, do not be too much dependent on your partner. You should be okay spending time alone or you’re your friends. Have a life outside your relationship and seek support from your friends and family. 

Conclusion 

Communication, intimacy, and trust issues are the main causes of a relationship breakdown. Don’t give up if you’re having trouble with these challenges; instead, consult a psychologist or online therapist. If you cooperate validate and understand one another’s thoughts and feelings, long-distance relationships can work out. Be sure to also take care of your own needs and have an open mind. It’s critical to protect your mental health when engaging in a long-distance relationship. Understand love as a decision, an action and an outcome of constant efforts and belief in each other.