Everyone wants to feel noticed and loved by people because, as humans, we constantly crave attention. As it is said, man is a social animal. But this attitude of being noticed and craving for attention often makes you a people pleaser.
Now, what do I mean by that? Many people, knowingly or unknowingly, fall into the trap of pleasing others and become people-pleasers. They are always in search of external validation. I have seen people doing it happily. Their constant attention-seeking nature becomes a compulsion that takes a toll on their mental health. People of this nature think they are the kindest because they prioritize others more than themselves, but is it so?
Being kind towards others has always been the most attractive thing one can do, but it shouldn’t seem like a compulsion. I mean, how can a person act so kind? As humans, we all have some positives and negatives within ourselves, and when the count of negatives is more than the positives, we must practice a little kindness. But you can’t be the nicest person on earth every time because that looks artificial.
This overly sweet emotion covers up their natural side. They suppress their real emotion behind it. The main reason is that they may fear rejection and disapproval. This nature of people-pleasing is more psychological. They are heavily dominant by what people may think about themselves, which often strikes them, and they eventually try to impress people. Saying a ‘No’ seems more complicated than saying a ‘Yes’.
This constant habit of being nice slowly becomes deep-rooted and becomes a problem. The conflict of disagreements becomes overwhelming for them. These people fear uncertainty, which leads to the pain of being alone. Without realizing it, we slowly and steadily lose our identity because it is built on others’ opinions. We will always need others’ feedback to move forward in life.
It makes life more difficult because we are not true to ourselves. People of this kind constantly battle within themselves because they know what they think is different from what they are doing. Their actions are not in alignment with their thoughts. It comes from low self-esteem. A confident person will never try to please people. They will always take a stand for what is morally right.
It is often seen that this habit sometimes comes from childhood. People with this kind of behaviour may have issues that have been carried forward into their adulthood. Maybe in the past, they suffered being rejected and ignored, and they do not want that to happen now, leading them to please people. So, organizing your thoughts and keeping track of what makes you feel so insecure about yourself is heavily critical. If we work on our triggers, then that might help them to work on themselves to build self-confidence, which is required to help them battle this internal problem.
Building up self-confidence is a journey of oneself. It is constant self-introspection that one needs to do for oneself. For me, a well-read person will always know better than someone who doesn’t work on themselves and engages their mind in negativity. Being a people pleaser is no positive trait. Gradually, you will find you are in this constant loop of wanting feedback from others. That act of approval gives you kicks and makes you stay high. It becomes like a drug; when you don’t get that approval or attention, you start craving it.
The little approvals of others start forming into toxic traits without even realizing it. So, keeping an eye on your actions and thoughts is essential. We must know one thing: We cannot make everyone happy. Realizing this makes a big difference in one’s life. The first and foremost thing is accepting the truth and working towards it. Acceptance is something people face challenges in. Most people find it hard to accept this.
If you surround yourself with supportive people who help you in your journey of self-discovery, you will automatically feel more optimistic. If you lack these people, build your group—network with positive people who will lift you in life. Do some meditation, which will help you focus more on positive things. Sometimes, we see people who try to please others are often prone to depression because they get disappointed if people don’t praise them or give them attention, and they feel insecure, lonely, and deprived. And without knowing, sliding into depression is not a good sign. It will make them feel worse about themselves. Sometimes, these people get aggressive and always remain irritated. Now, aggression in a negative way is something all people should avoid. Aggression in a positive way is good, liking staying focused on achieving your goals and working towards your dream.
The art of saying ‘No’ is a powerful tool, and I have never seen people who were unhappy after saying ‘No.’ It gives you freedom and room to breathe properly without suffocating yourself. Creating a relationship with ourselves is essential to build a meaningful relationship with people. If we struggle with self-worth, we must start addressing our needs first. Setting healthy boundaries saves many relationships from getting destroyed. Help people convey what are your set limits. What are you willing to give and accept? I don’t see any fault in clear communication. Instead, it gives you an edge to get into arguments and false expectations.
Kindness doesn’t require rewards or approval from others. It will pay you in its way, and you don’t have to seek validation. If you are struggling, start small. Observe your patterns so that they don’t become a habit. Work on your habits and triggers. If you can’t do it alone, get professional help. See what works best for you, and finally, no one is alone in this journey. You need the right person to help you. Be a better person who knows how to communicate things properly. Communication can help you with better solutions. It is necessary to check on our mental well-being; what makes us happy should be our goal at the end of the day.
Read More: Mastering Effective Communication: Building Trust and Strong Relationships
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