The word charisma has been popularised by the self-help industry and the self-help gurus. If you go on YouTube and search for the word charisma you would be swamped by many videos on charisma and its traits and how to achieve it. Many of these videos describe charisma as a personality trait, or someone extremely attractive, or the ability to command the room as such. Watching all these videos and reading about it a lot of people get the impression that charisma is inbuilt or a magical trait of some sort. Here’s a fact for you. It’s not. Charisma is not something inbuilt, it’s something that you can acquire by training and learning.
Olivia Fox Cabane, in her book “The Charisma Myth”, explains the concept of charisma in great detail. But before diving into what charisma is and how you can acquire such traits, we should ask a fundamental question. Why should you care about charisma? Why is it important? Being charismatic can help you advance in your career. A charismatic person is often considered more competent during interviews and hence has better job prospects.
Apart from that, charismatic people have been demonstrated to receive higher ratings at work (Avolio & Bass, 1991). You are more proficient in initiating and sustaining fulfilling social connections as well as influencing and persuading people. Charismatic individuals are more likely to articulate their point better and keep the conversations interactive which can garner their support (Bono & Judge, 2004; Cabane, 2012). Lastly, being charismatic also boosts your self-esteem and confidence (Bono & Judge, 2003).
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The Ingredients of Charisma
1. Presence
Presence is really about having full awareness of the current moment. When you are having an interaction with people, you need to pay full attention to what they are saying, this could be indicated by verbal or non-verbal cues. When you truly pay attention to people they feel valued and loved. Apart from that when you are fully present in the moment you can appreciate and enjoy the company of other people which will in turn inculcate a feeling of gratitude and respect for others.
According to Cabane, you can practise mindfulness meditations which will help to you be fully aware of a particular moment. Mindfulness will otherwise help you in improving your overall mental well-being as well. You should actively listen to what people are saying. Maintaining eye contact with people is one of the techniques that you can use to show that you are truly listening to them. Another way is to paraphrase what they have said to reflect back and also ask questions which will make them feel that you truly care and are interested in what they are saying.
2. Power
Power usually means the ability to influence the events around you. In the context of charisma, power refers to the ability to influence respect from other people. Many people view power from a very negative lens. Charismatic power has nothing to do with coercion or exerting dominance on other people rather is about a sense of control and assurance about oneself. You believe that you are knowledgeable, you believe that you are an expert on a subject matter, and you believe that you are self-sufficient. All these beliefs affect your ability to influence people around you, this becomes highly essential for you if you are in a leadership role.
Now ironically, being charismatic often gives a lot of power. These two things go hand in hand. So to become more powerful you need to act as if you are powerful. This can be achieved by practising having power poses, when you are alone, or in your room, try adopting a good posture with straight shoulders and an erect back. Apart from this, you can visualise yourself as being able to influence people around you.
Most of the time our mind cannot tell the difference between what we are imagining and what is happening. Players, such as basketball players visualise themselves as making a shot in the basket. This helps them to create neural pathways in the brain similar to those created during actual practice, hence improving their skills and confidence (Ekeocha, 2015).
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3. Warmth
And last, the third ingredient of charisma is Warmth. The warmth here refers to the ability to empathise with people, be caring, and simply keep the best intentions of the other person in mind. If people can feel comfortable with you and easily open up, you probably have this trait. This helps to foster a sense of trust and people feel valued and cared for by you which assists in making good social relationships and coming off as charismatic to people.
Projecting warmth when you are interacting with people is more simple than you think. You might have noticed that when you talk to certain people they usually like to talk about themselves and the word “I” pops up a lot. So instead, when you are engaging with someone try to direct the attention towards them rather than you.
Sometimes it gets very tough to keep the best intentions of another person in mind, especially if you dislike them or simply don’t know much about them. It’s good to show empathy to them, it will not only be beneficial to them but also to you as you seem more charismatic. One technique that you can try if you dislike someone, is that you can list three things that you like about them. These things don’t have to be extremely meaningful and deep, they could be something surface level, such as how they dress, as long it gets to have a positive outlook.
In conclusion, charisma is not an inborn trait or a magical trait. rather it’s a set of skills that you can acquire through practice and the right techniques. There are three main ingredients of charisma: presence, power, and warmth. All of these are achieved with a bit of practice. Power is the ability to influence people, and it falls far away from coercion. To inculcate this trait in you, can you start visualising yourself as a powerful person? Presence involves being fully present in that moment and giving your undivided attention to people around you. you can achieve this by practising mindfulness techniques.
Warmth simply means the feeling of care and friendliness projecting from you. You can achieve this by being grateful for the people around you and keeping the best intentions in mind. Mastering all these can help you become more charismatic, this in turn can help to make and sustain deep connections and establish trust between your friends, family and peers and it also tends to improve your overall wellness.
References +
Avolio, B. J., & Bass, B. M. (1991). The implications of transactional and transformational leadership for individual, team, and organizational development. Research in Organizational Behavior, 13, 249–287.
Ekeocha, T. C. (2015). The effects of visualization and guided imagery in sports performance.
Cabane, O. F. (2012). The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism. Portfolio.
Bono, J. E., & Judge, T. A. (2004). Personality and transformational and transactional leadership: A meta-analysis. Journal of Applied Psychology, 89(5), 901–910.
Bono, J. E., & Judge, T. A. (2003). Self-concordance at work: Toward understanding the motivational effects of transformational leaders. Academy of Management Journal, 46(5), 665–676.
