The Five Love Languages for Lasting Relationships

How do you express love? And how do you like to be loved by someone? There are many ways to express love!  Read on to learn what your love languages are!

Since the 1990s – Dr. Gary Demonte Chapman has been an American author who wrote the book, “The Five Love Languages- How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.”  This book explains five common ways romantic partners express and receive love in a relationship, which he calls “love languages”. Though this was published in the early 90s, it is making the rounds like wildfire now. 11 million copies have been sold and it has been translated into 49 different languages. It continuously holds a place in the top 100 bestsellers on Amazon and is ranked in the top five bestsellers in the New York Times! 

Read More: How to know if you have found True Love?

The Five Love Languages

According to Dr Chapman, there are five love languages:

• Complimenting or words of affirmation 
• Quality time
• Giving gifts
• Acts of service 
• Physical touch

He also believed that each person will have one primary and one secondary love language. 

1. Words of Affirmation

This focuses on the verbal expression of love and affection. It could either be spoken or written. Words that compliment, encourage or thank can express so much love. One positive word can go a long way. For example- “ you look gorgeous/ handsome today” This gives a sense of validation and people cherish those words. “you can do it honey, you have what it takes to bag that award!” – one word can motivate your partner to achieve or keep moving in life. “We’re in this together. I’m here for you always” These words could fill your partner with much-needed reassurance. (Honestly, when was the last time you wrote a letter to someone?! Better late than never! Take a pen and a paper, and write away!) 

2. Quality Time

Giving your time to your partner, kids, and your parents is crucial to feel a sense of belonging. Spending some meaningful time together with undivided attention has become a luxury nowadays. The biggest intruder is our mobile phones, which kill the connection with the person sitting next to us. Switch off or silence those incessant beeping noises, look into the eyes of your partner and have a heartfelt conversation for a while. Ask how your kid’s day was at school. Listen actively and you’d be surprised to know how much they have to share with you. 

3. Giving Gifts

Whether you are in school in your late teens or your 60s, giving and receiving gifts always makes us happy. It’s never about the material value, but about the thoughtfulness behind that gift. A meaningful gift could be something very simple that your partner asked you long back. Remembering it, hunting for it and getting that as a gift is surely emotionally moving. The receiver gets overjoyed while the giver gets to see the satisfaction in their eyes. 

4. Acts of Service

For people in this category, actions speak louder than words. They love it when you do something for them. Small favours like helping out in doing the laundry, making them a steaming cup of tea or taking out the trash. Though these chores are a daily thing, your contribution symbolises care and affection for them.

5. Physical Touch

Includes hugging, kissing, holding hands and other forms of physical affection. Sex needn’t be the only romantic thing you do together. Dancing together, giving them a head massage, doing their nails, cuddling and watching a movie, all these express love directly and it gives us a secure feeling. 

Read More: The Psychology Behind One-Sided Love

Why should you know their Love Language? 

Understanding one’s love language is important for better communication and deeper connection. If one person likes to express love through words, but the other person likes to express it through actions, there’s so much love between both of them, yet they are not on the same page! Their gestures are full of love but still miss the mark as they don’t speak in the language their partner understands. They’d end up arguing or misunderstanding things.

For example, his wife loves words of affirmation, but he decides to make a special drink for her. She’d gulp it down, appreciate it, but feel nothing special. But one small sticky note by her bedside saying, “I love you more than you know! Thank you for walking into my life.” This would do the magic as it resonates with her the most. And that’s why expressing love is needed, but how you express it is what matters. So knowing their love language is important to steal their heart without wasting any time. 

But how can you find it? 

Read More: How to know if you have found True Love?

Discovering Someone’s love language

To find out someone’s love language Chapman suggests observing that person keenly. Observation backed up by conversations will land you on their favourite love language. Note down

• How they express love.
• See what they complain about often.
• Make a mental note of their requests. 

Having deep conversations about relationships, asking them love questions and also experimenting with different love languages to see their reactions will give you a clear picture of their love language.

Read More: Psychology of Romance

Psychological Effects of Love Languages

It can bring about immense satisfaction and mutual understanding within a relationship. Some perks include:

• It enhances the emotional connection 
• Reduces anxiety and stress.
• Promotes self-awareness. 
• Boosts your self-esteem. 
• Increases empathy. 
• Fosters resilience. 

Knowing these love languages transforms relationships into more harmonious and joyous ones. It leads to mutual appreciation where both feel seen, heard and loved. Understanding and practising these love languages strengthens relationships and makes way for overall psychological well-being. 

FAQs

Can I have more than one love language?

Yes, many people have a primary love language but also appreciate aspects of others. It’s common for someone to have a secondary love language that complements their main one.

Can love languages change over time?

Yes, love languages can evolve based on life experiences, relationships, and personal growth. It’s important to communicate any changes with your partner.

Are love languages only relevant in romantic relationships?

No, love languages apply to all types of relationships, including friendships and family dynamics.