The Acceptance Stage of Grief

Have you ever wondered if you’ve gotten over a loss or a traumatic incident? Have you accepted everything and made peace with it? How do you know if you’ve accepted and are all set to move on? Read on to learn about the acceptance stage in the grieving process.

Grief

Grief is a universal emotion that we all go through at some point in life. There are endless life events where we lose, face adversity and find ourselves grieving. It could be the death of a loved one, loss of a connection like marriage or friendship, loss of your job or career, loss of money or getting diagnosed with an illness. During such life events people experience a great deal of anguish, physiological distress, confusion, yearning, obsessively dwelling over the past and fear about the future. It could even progress to feelings of regret and having suicidal thoughts.

Read More: Suicide Awareness: Unveiling the Truth

And how one person handles a loss and processes their grief is very different from the way another copes. Nevertheless some of the reactions are similar and common to everyone. Knowing all the stages in grieving process helps you anticipate your reactions beforehand which helps in accepting and healing.

Read More: Stages of Grief

The five stages of Grief

A Swiss American psychiatrist, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross described five stages of grief. They are-

• Denial: Trying to avoid the inevitable.
• Anger: pouring out the pent-up emotions in frustration.
• Bargaining: negotiating and seeking a way out from the inevitable.
• Depression: pain, sadness and hopelessness engulfs the person.
• Acceptance: realising the reality and finally moving on.

The grieving process is not linear and you need not necessarily go through these stages one after the other with a fixed time frame. You might skip a stage, circle back to stage one again or get stuck in one stage for months. The American Psychological Association says acceptance is the last of the five stages of grief characterised by a certain degree of emotional detachment and objectivity surrounding the impending or actual death or other trauma.

Road to Acceptance

After grappling with intense pain, longing, and depression, the intensity slowly subsides. Acceptance does not mean they are okay with the death or that they’ve forgotten. It is the final stage where people learn to live without the lost one. They come to terms with the reality and realise that life has to go on without them. In the acceptance stage too, a person goes through many emotions. Some feelings that are prominently seen are

• Feeling sad
• Finding hope
• Relief
• Anxiousness
• Guilt
• Gathering strength
• Feeling insecure and uncertain.

The grief doesn’t completely vanish but reaching the acceptance stage is a significant milestone in your healing process. The feelings associated with the loss may haunt more on holidays and special occasions -which is called the ‘anniversary effect.’

Grief to Relief

When you stop fighting the loss and leave aside resistance and rigidity within you, the acceptance stage begins. Some signs to know that you’re in the acceptance stage-

• Acknowledging the reality: you don’t deny the loss anymore.
• Emotional stability: Compared to other stages of grief acceptance stages which feel like an emotional rollercoaster, this stage is marked by much better emotional stability and calmness.
• Adaptability: you find yourself actively adapting to the new normal.
• Increased Engagement: you may show renewed interest in activities you previously enjoyed. You reconnect with your loved ones again as you start to rebuild your life after a collapse.
• Integrating the loss: you integrate the loss and memories associated with it into your life story.
• Finding hope: In the acceptance stage, even though the loss is still felt, the pain isn’t so raw anymore. You start to find hope for the future and believe that life still has some meaning.
• Lend a helping hand: you respond to other people’s needs and offer them support.

People who saw the death of their loved ones start to cherish the memories. Those who are diagnosed with terminal illness begin to live their remaining time focusing on little joys and important things to be done rather than brooding over the diagnosis. Individuals who lose a relationship take all the lessons from the experience and prepare to use the wisdom in their next relationship. People who lost a job or money strive to find ways to make money.

Coping in Acceptance Stage

To smoothly go forward in this healing journey one needs to-

• Put a full stop to isolation and start seeking support of family and friends.
• Joining a grief support group will be helpful to know that you’re not alone in this tragedy.
• Meditation, exercise and healthy eating habits are crucial to maintain good physical and mental health.
• Express instead of suppressing emotions- journaling, sharing your story to others engaging in expressive art could help you vent.
• Find new hobbies that give you a purpose and feel meaningful like taking a nature walk or volunteering in a NGO.
• Practice mindfulness everyday to stay connected to the present.
• Seek support through bereavement/grief counselling grief therapy or cognitive behavioural therapy if you find yourself dwelling too much in the past.

If the grief is persistent even after 12 months in adults and 6 months in children, a psychiatrist may diagnose it as prolonged grief disorder (PGD). It is also known as complicated grief (CG) or traumatic grief (TG). This condition is estimated to affect 7% of the bereaved individuals. A German spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle once said, “acceptance looks like a passive state, but in reality it brings something entirely new into this world.”

Accepting a loss, and finding hope and peace again is nothing less than the rebirth of a person. Grieving is very personal and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no fixed time frame to heal and it can’t be forced as well. Practice self-compassion and give yourself enough time to process whatever has happened to you. It is tough, but remember you’re tougher! Share this to someone who is grieving and let them know they’re tougher than they think.