Suicidal Paradox of Society

Trigger Warning: The following article could be sensitive and emotionally overwhelming. Readers advise to be careful But, if you read and find the quoted argument logical, please discuss below and let me know what you think.

I’ll start with the basic understanding of suicide, usually understood to be a sign of weakness and inability to manage life circumstances, suicide, is quite the opposite. It’s a step that a person takes when everything they tried according to systematic and social advice fails them and challenges their safety and security. In ethically and officially quoted language, suicide is a step undertaken by a person to end the spiralling stress and pain that the living circumstances are constantly offering or triggering situations that are unchangeably present around him/her.

She/he doesn’t want to be looked upon as a person who gives up, quits or is not able to manage the toxic or unhealthy environment he is present in. She/he tries for a long time to be bold, and strong while trying hard to find ways to keep him/her going. She/he often adopts substances to cope with the indenting pressure or stress, and the social system around him/her actively supports this process. She/he tries to talk to his/their trusted social ecosystem too.

But they either dismiss these feelings or cancel the fact that she/he could feel something like this or they create a guilt reiterating from past or comparative bias that you are a failure of a sort and these feelings are only expected from you. In short, they are made to feel a complete failure who is good for nothing. If they don’t work according to the system and actively participate in the given rat race they can never be trusted or successful enough.

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They will then become ‘depressed alcoholics’ who’ll be ‘dependent’ on someone to define who they are. This last reference is usually used for people who want to cultivate art culture, as art begets art when bought expensively. So, when these people are alive the whole ecosystem comes together in unison creating pressure and compelling to believe them that if they want to get out of a problem, they jump unknowingly into another problem to resolve the issue. And if that also doesn’t happen, then comes our social advisers in the form of successful uncles, friends, and relatives.

They’re God worshipped in the said circle and they give long technical lectures about life, their struggles, their stories, and how they carved out their successes. They are strict in their vision and convince the person in pain to follow their path and dreams and focus on success with a bullseye vision. The persons in distress find themselves under even more pressure.

They start thinking worse and incapable. They feel that they are being manipulated for success and not survival. Everyone is so scared that they are feeling something different or ‘weak’ that they just need to be reinforced with the idea of success and moving on. There’s a follow-up communication to this process, ‘motivational messages. This is not checking up on how they’re feeling but focusing on Gyaan’s success and how to be motivated about success.

The absolute absence of suggesting professional help is even more starkly shaky. Often, when I talk in sessions or trainings, they casually say ‘What are family and friends for’ and I just say ‘to send them to us. Yes, ‘we matter’ and we are growing in abundance, you just need to know and look around. And also, I emphasise, if one of us doesn’t work for you, go to another one, and search till you find your best fit! We are humans too, and we work best not when I treat multiple clients with the trained techniques.

Read More: Suicide Awareness: Unveiling the Truth

We work best when what insight we throw at you to reflect actually makes or help you to make a shift in a way you can work for change and become better. At least for me, when a person is in distress, I work with PPA APPROACH- Preparation, Prevention and Action. If the person is prepared to change and realise his/her strengths rather than beating around the bush, she/he can make space for prevention and then take action to change and save his/her life and restore the idea of safety. I or anyone can simply say follow your passion, do what your life, do what makes you happy, but this will just not work! And life is ‘Kabhi Khushi, Kabhi Gham’ allow yourself and others to make mistakes, make experiences, and experiment with life choices! Maybe that can help and make you successful otherwise! Exactly the way I found writing! 

All I am saying is- Trust Us For A Workable Difference By Working Through The Problem.  And adding one important tip- Professional help doesn’t include life coaches or the like, I am talking about allies of psychologists, psychiatrists, and clinical psychologists! Not even your chemist or general physician. 

Now, let’s learn a bit about the case and why it’s of judicial interest. We have to understand that Atul didn’t ‘commit suicide’, according to the Mental Health Act 2017, suicide is not a crime or threat to anyone unless they have a very serious mental illness co-morbidity. Also, it was recognised that suicide is a form of extreme self-harm that requires attention and rehabilitation to help a person feel safe again with counselling help. Moreover, WHO has too highlighted some helpful ways to address suicide in media and public. Atul died by suicide due to the subjective as well as systematic failure he was experiencing in his life. 

Read More: Non-Suicidal Self-Injury

Secondly, as humans of the present age, money has become a leisure demarcation and it’s demanding too. The urge to earn fast money and get away with things is a quite common practice and it should be just allocated to any women who are involved in the case. By this, I am not saying that I am denying all the charges. I have dealt with cases with lawyers who have been unbearably sick, especially in cases of women who have been fighting cases of sexual abuse and rape. Justice is superior, but justice wearables aren’t! Being from a reputable lawyer family, I can’t imagine the plight that clients go through! Trust me, I have been part of different people’s journeys since childhood. It took years for some to get the justice they wanted. 

Thirdly, ignorance is bliss. Did you choose suicide to change the system? Okay, what were the expected outcomes? Your wife and her family charged and jailed? Is the judge getting suspended, transferred or sustained? Your child to be given to your parents? Okay. 

• What about the child, the safety, mental health of the child? 
• What about the complete absence of a parent in a child’s life?  
• What about the welfare of the child? Who will now manage the finances for the child’s development? 
• Did you consult someone before you did this? 
• What about the social media trial? What will be the effect on child safety? 
• What major systematic changes were you expecting? 

A PIL has been issued for the same but about male lawyers and judges who have been mean, insulting, and insensitive to women? Especially those who advocated against women’s safety and abuse of any kind?  What about the right use of these laws and regulations by women who actually are in pain? 

To a deeper understanding, you framed women, marital rights, marital laws, the existence of women in top positions, women’s safety, child welfare, children’s safety, the role of both parents and responsibility as a father to a challenge by generating women bashing, nullification of women in pain wanting to use these laws and isn’t able to reach there because of males in the society- who domestically violated their wives, rape them, consider them worthless or a doormat? 

Your wife and maybe people who have similar experiences must have played well because they were made aware of misusing these laws and fetching the best possible outcome. And because one section of wives, lawyers and the justice system is in a way, you painted the whole country with black and white? 

Read More: Why Some Parents Fear Their Children: The Psychology of Child-to-Parent Abuse

Your grey matter and the consequences could be worked out. There was a possibility. Suicide is not a judicial joke! The hard-hitting feeling of losing someone with this practice is so crushing. You left, with the idea that you wanted to end this torture, but in the process, you left so many questions and answers unopened and with scars that your family and most importantly, your child has to bear in the life that is yet to come. 

System, states, decisions, judiciary often fails, it has failed my father, it has failed me no. of times! I can’t even imagine a conversation about how the system ditched me or my father, even when I know so many people in power. 

My two cents, mental health is a priority, not a privilege. Everyone experiences emotions and every emotion has its own journey and consequences. We are familiar with anger as a language of men, it can be women too! The idea is to work through it by taking help from a professional, social media and system that works for change. You could have been better, Atul.

Read More: Toxic Positivity : When Optimism Becomes Harmful

To conclude, it’s important to understand that suicide is not an answer or a question to demand change in the system or structural change. The most affected by this act will be people who surround themselves with you with the idea of love and care. In the efforts to draw kindness to yourself going through some mental challenges and difficulties in managing stressful situations, you can’t go to people and make them understand your struggles all the time, they have the bandwidth to understand such situations.

One place where you will be accepted and heard is a room for therapy or psychological support. You have to start somewhere with taking care of yourself and that needs to be listened than heard, the mental healthcare system needs to be considered. If you think you can go away and no one would notice your absence, you are wrong, they love you but they have limitations of themselves. Now that you have gone and demanded care for those who matter, the child in this case, s/he will be affected more by your absence than the hope s/he carried with your presence. Seek help, learn to manage and not take advantage of an extreme step like suicide to end a long war with your mind battles.