Now days Relationship Obsession is a common factor among many couples in this uncertain world, as a result of which broken relationship, roughness and dullness between pairs (Teenagers & Adults Both) are common scenario everywhere.
Before knowing about Relationship Obsession, most important fact that need to be highlighted is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). OCD is defined as an anxiety disorder which has two major parts – 1) Obsession, and 2) Compulsion.
Obsession is basically unwanted thoughts, images, urges or doubts that are repeatedly interpreted in any person’s mind. An obsession is a thought that the person is paying excess attention to, causing but not limited to rumination.
Example: Worry about living things, fear of losing things, excessive concern about right or wrong things, need to know or remember certain things, fear of not saying just the right thing, excessive morality concern etc., are some examples of Obsession.
Compulsions are not voluntary activities and are not performed for pleasure. More precisely, in an attempt, when a person performs excessive, repetitive, meaningless activity or mental exercise to avoid stress and worry, is called compulsion.
Example: Expecting reassurance from surrounding people, repeatedly checking the security of a locked door, arranging and rearranging items in a set order etc. Some examples of compulsory mental acts are counting or silently repeating specific words.
If a person troubled by compulsion is unable to perform such activities, stress and discomfort increase. Performance of these acts relieves distress but only temporarily.
Obsessive thoughts of a person’s mind can create distress. To get rid of this, the subjective person shows compulsion (repeating activities) which aren’t necessary in respect to real world or its people. Now distressed people do compulsion again and again to gain relief, the process continues in a cyclic manner and obsession becomes stronger and evolve or develops as disorder.
Relationship OCD is a subset of OCD, in which, sufferers are consumed with doubts, comparative thoughts, looped arguments about their relationship, questioning love, attraction, compatibility with each other. Over possessiveness could be seen among both or one of them (among pairs).
Concern about each other is a normal phenomenon in relationship, basic doubts can also be there in projection of daily life but over thinking, over concerning in a particular way about a particular incident or thing indicate irrational thoughts, unfolded and determinate negative behavior which hampers day to day life of the suffer.
In case of mild OCD, affected people can improve without treatment, but the scenario of moderate and severe OCD is not the same, means cannot be improved without treatment. There are stages where symptoms seem to go away, but sometimes will slowly get worse, being in stress or depression make the symptoms worse for other people as well. Thought pattern of the individual is the main factor behind it.
Classification of ROCD
1) Relationship – Centered Obsessive- Compulsive Symptoms (ROCD Type-I)
Type-I ROCD is all about thinking nature, as people might have compulsive thoughts if the relationship is right or wrong for them, or their partner has same feeling as they have or not, making the individual(sufferer) analyze continuously about their relationship. It takes them to question and ask themselves, their respective partners and other people around, whether their relationship is right or wrong for them.
2) Partner-Focused Obsessive-Compulsive Symptom( ROCD Type-II)
Type-II ROCD is disorder that typically focus on their partner, sufferer continuously analyze, criticize their partner qualities or traits.
Example: looks, social life, stability (Physically and emotionally both), intelligence, morals etc. of partner is judged, criticized, customized and analyzed by the sufferer. Because of, being possessed by obsessive thought patterns, the sufferer and his/her partner can undergo detrimental relationship.
Doubts in sufferer’s mind about their partner’s activities and relationship is as common as a normal person and in few cases, sudden fear or uncertainty about the person you’re in relationship with is, inevitable and not always a bad sign. In case if everything is going on so well, compulsive thoughts can create some problems, which is inappropriate for a relationship.
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Common Relationship OCD OBSESSIONS are:
1) Fear of being inadequate or imperfect to each other (not a right person for partner).
2) Having irrational thoughts about cheating or being left by the other one, living in fear of the same.
3) Fear of external or hidden relationship.
4) Fear of being disliked, getting disheartened, and feeling shy about it.
5) Irrespective, impulsive and compulsive thoughts about fulfilling all the needs and providing satisfaction to partner and questing if you’re with the right person.
Common Relationship OCD COMPULSIONS are:
1) Always expecting detailed explanation from partner and vice versa.
2) Making calls in short durations repeatedly to check and confirm about partner’s status. Like if He/she is with someone else or taking over phone to someone else.
3) Being proactive every time with very small detail, raising questions about partner’s every activities and relationships.
4) Questioning about partner’s qualities.
5) Comparing own relationship with others repeatedly.
6) Over passionate activities, getting upset during sexual intimacy with partner, desperate behavior
7) To make love perfect, the suffer can pose to or try to do every small thing again and again
8) Checking social media status of partner, messages of partner, just to be sure (no sign of stopping) doing same thing in a loop.
9) Dominating, creating rules, barriers for partner.
10) Constant reading or following articles, videos, news in search for perfect relationship.
Causes OF ROCD:
Taken into account, the causes of other forms of OCD like –
1) Psychological and Biological factors are involved in the development and maintaining ROCD.
2) Manipulative ways of thinking, behaving is identified in OCD.
3) Over-reliance on intimidated relationship or perceived value of the partner (sufferer) for a person’s feeling of self-worth and feeling of abandonment may increase vulnerability and maintain ROCD symptoms suggested by ROCD models.
How to manage/Solution:
1) Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) – Emphasizing the role of thoughts (to change the negative thought pattern), feeling and behavior to each other.
2) Mindfulness Therapy/ Relaxation Therapy- Mediation, labeling thoughts, increased awareness to make a success full relationship, process of Body relaxation from stress and tension.
3) Exposure & Response Prevention Therapy/ERP- It is a process of gradually exposes a person, distressing them to help their relationship.
4) Medication- A conjunction medium to mind-soul and body to maintain a perfect relationship.
5) Relationship Counselling – A procedure performed by psychologists, therapist to cure the sufferer and it helps to maintain a healthy, happy relationship among them.
HAPPY OR HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP GOALS
1) Giving each other personal space – being okay with the things your partner like to do without harming themselves even if you may not like it. For example, one can like baseball and other one can like football, if they both understand and respect their views, emotion for the game then it’s fine otherwise it is not.
2) Appreciation of small things – like if one makes coffee and another one appreciate it will be a great bond. Although coffee making is a small thing and anyone can do it but appreciating partner’s effort matters.
3) Arguments are there in a relationship- if it is productive then it can be good for the relation, if it is not then couple might have problems. Example – health issue argument is good but argument for parents, friends in their presence is not healthy.
4) The most power full point for a good, happy relation, don’t be decisive for each other- means do not dominate another one.
5) Relationships need to be fair, two-sided.
6) Trust issues- if there is any trust issue it is always going to end badly, you should try to solve it between just two of you.
7) Laughing together, being proud of each other, being happy in each-other’s company are positive factors in relationship and if failing to do so relationship health will suffer in long term.
Above all, if you have any problem or enquiry, please make sure you take help of a good counsellor, soul-healer or psychologist or psychiatrist for detailed counselling, therapy or treatment.
Always remember you and your relationship is the most important things in this uncertain world, do not let it suffer or harm you, stay happy and be blessed.
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