Premarital Counseling: Insights from Psychologists for a Stronger Marriage

As your big day approaches, unexpected challenges arise – invitations must be prepared, last-minute beauty appointments are cancelled, wardrobe issues emerge, or Mehndi, Haldi, and Sangeeth preparations go awry. Even simple weddings can be stressful if you arrive late to the register office. We considered all these potential mishaps but overlooked one crucial aspect: Premarital Counseling.

In India, there’s a stigma surrounding counselling; people often perceive those who seek it as ‘mad’. Most people don’t view mental health as equally important as physical health. Marital counselling is a relatively new concept in India. Traditionally, people turn to family elders for marital issues, avoiding counsellors due to a reluctance to share personal matters with outsiders.

While elders may have experience, they can be sometimes biased and limited in their advice. Moreover, discussing intimacy is often uncomfortable, as sex education remains a taboo topic. However, as the saying goes, prevention is better than cure. So why wait for issues to escalate when we can address them early by seeking the help of a marital counsellor?

What is Premarital Counseling? 

Premarital Counseling is also known as couple therapy. It helps the couple to prepare for their marriage. Therapists discuss and work on issues related to communication, conflict resolution, financial planning, and other problems related to married life. Premarital Counseling is a potential investment for couples.

According to Counselling Psychologist Radhika Juneja, Premarital counselling cannot be regarded as preventative, rather it’s transformative. Through the process, it helps couples develop emotional intelligence on an individual as well as interpersonal level to face the challenges in their relationship. It prepares them for emotional and physical vulnerability that may come from having conversations about fears, insecurities and childhood experiences. Counselling may help them feel deeply connected and prepared to grow together to shape their future.

Below Are Some Points Which We Can Consider

1. Financial Planning 

Couples should know their financial future by tracking income and expenses, building an emergency fund, investing in health insurance, allocating funds for vacation planning and for their child’s education and other future planning for children. Saving for retirement, and making joint investments. Creating a stable and prosperous financial foundation 

2. Sexual Needs

To foster a fulfilling and respectful sexual relationship, couples should prioritize open communication to understand each other’s needs and pleasures. Consent is paramount, with both partners respecting each other’s right to say no at any time. Discussing sexual desires, expectations, and boundaries openly is essential.

Furthermore, sharing plans for children, whether biological, adoption, or remaining child-free, helps align goals. Emphasizing safe sex practices and responsible contraceptive use ensures a healthy and secure relationship. Built on mutual respect and trust, this foundation enables couples to navigate their sexual relationship with confidence and understanding.

3. Family Planning

Partners should discuss the ideal gap between children, with a recommended gap of 2 to 3 years. This spacing helps reduce the risk of pregnancy complications and other health issues. Research suggests waiting 18 to 24 months, but less than five years, after a live birth before attempting the next pregnancy (Family planning: Get the facts about pregnancy spacing, n.d.). Consider the impact on population growth, As we are responsible citizens of the country, we should not increase the population and people should use contraceptives to prevent unintended pregnancies and protect against HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

4. Marriage Expectations and Responsibilities

To foster a harmonious partnership, shared parenting should be complemented by a fair division of household tasks, aligned with individual schedules and strengths. Joint financial management promotes secure decision-making, while emotional support nurtures a supportive partnership, facilitating effective communication and mutual understanding.

It’s essential to respect each other’s personal space and alone time. Prioritizing relationship growth through regular date nights, collaborative conflict resolution, and mutual respect for opinions, beliefs, and aspirations is vital. By embracing teamwork, couples can navigate life’s challenges together, fostering a strong and enduring bond.

5. Domestic Violence

Those who participated in premarital counselling in the Delta Central Senatorial District experienced lower levels of spousal abuse (Iyeke, P. O., 2023). This type of counselling promotes open communication, conflict resolution skills, and mutual respect, fostering trust and equality. Couples benefit from discussing financial and household responsibilities, setting realistic expectations, and developing problem-solving strategies. Premarital counselling also enhances intimacy through emotional and physical bonding, while teaching self-regulation and empathy, ultimately laying the groundwork for a strong and healthy partnership.

6. Divorce 

The short answer to this question is ‘yes, premarital counselling can indeed reduce the risk of divorce. Some research studies have shown that premarital counselling decreases the risk of divorce by almost 50%. Research conducted in the early 2000s in the USA suggests that counselling before marriage can reduce divorce rates by 31%. Research from 2012 had similar findings, showing that couples who attended premarital counselling had stronger relationships than 80% of couples who didn’t participate in counselling before marriage (Dhruva Koranne, June 19, 2024).

Premarital counselling significantly reduces divorce rates by addressing potential issues before marriage, fostering open communication, and promoting conflict resolution skills. By identifying and addressing areas of concern such as financial management, family dynamics, and relationship expectations, couples can build a stronger foundation for their marriage. Investing in premarital counselling enables couples to proactively work toward a lifelong, healthy partnership.

According to Counselling Psychologist Anjali Seth, the following areas are commonly discussed:

• Explaining clearly what marriage is and what is not.
• How to set healthy boundaries while starting a new relationship
• Why not compare your relationship with others
• Why it’s important not to compromise on your moral values
• Financial independence and management
• Why it’s necessary to openly discuss your plans with your parents
• Need to give respect to each other
• Constant effort to do your best. There is no such concept as a perfect couple, it’s two people who are ready to be together in ups and downs
• knowing the love language and priorities of their partner
• Marrying only when you feel for that person or find the scope of the same.

love, respect, effort and understanding are the 4 main pillars of marriage. Love is power in the relationship, Respect makes the person feel valued, efforts are required to maintain healthy relationships and at last, understanding is what makes two people willing to continue a relationship.

Influence of Religion and Traditions on Marriages in India

In India, religion and tradition greatly impact marriage as an institution. We see various cultures following different paths. The sacred union of souls in Hinduism, the solemn Nikah contract in Islam, Christianity’s sacred sacramental bond, Sikhism’s joyous Anand Karaj, and Buddhism’s serene harmonious partnership – each faith brings a distinct flavour to marital values.

Every marriage involves a spiritual leader, such as a priest, father, or imam, who often assumes the role of a marital counsellor to some extent. Historically, these leaders planned and guided couples before marriage, albeit with certain limitations. In ancient times, the head of the family typically filled this counselling role, offering guidance and support to couples. Today, this traditional function has evolved, with modern marital counsellors providing more comprehensive support.   

Premarital Counselling is a most important investment for couples, enabling them to build a strong foundation for their marriage. By addressing critical issues before they arise, couples can develop effective communication, plan their financial goals, and have mutual respect. Research shows that Premarital Counseling reduces divorce rates by 31-50%, strengthens relationships, and prevents domestic violence.

Overcoming India’s counselling stigma, couples should prioritize mental health and physical health. counselling fosters a lifelong, healthy partnership. By taking up premarital counselling, couples can understand marriage in a better way with confidence, and nurture love, trust and communication for a lasting relationship.