Just a Swipe Away: What is Optional Paralysis in Online Dating

I’m sure we all have at some point dipped our toe in the online dating pool. It’s like coffee lovers seeking the perfect coffee; we tend to seek the perfect match. With every swipe we build our ideal human. Is that what is causing option paralysis?

In the world of online dating, we often end up feeling overwhelmed rather than thrilled. Many wonder is there perfect match a swipe away? This causes them to overlook their potential matches, even when they may be a good fit for them. Thus making the process of building a connection seems like a job interview rather than a meaningful interaction.

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The truth is … it is a never-ending cycle. The more we swipe the pickier we become. And we end up with an irony. Dating apps are supposed to make finding a partner simpler, right? Instead, here we are with a buffet of potential suitors and yet still feeling lost and undecided. The term optional paralysis, also known as choice paralysis, means when an individual feels overwhelmed by numerous options available, causing indecisiveness. When it comes to Online dating the abundance of profiles, swiping to find the perfect match leads to feeling anxious and overwhelmed “ who to pick, is this person the right pick? will I regret this decision later?”. One may end up not talking or building a connection with any potential match, this can cause an individual to feel lost.

Optional paralysis affects other parts of one’s life to for example: If you are looking for a garment you check multiple sites and may like many and then compare prices, features, designs, styles and may end up not picking one at all or picking more than what you intended to. Another example is OTT platforms with so many streaming sites we end up spending most of our free time browsing for content to watch before settling down on what
to watch.

Psychologists often throw the phrase at us: ‘Paradox of choice’ to describe this dilemma. But I believe it’s more of a ‘Romance FOMO on steroids’. So here’s the thing when your brain is exhausted from making choices – ‘decision fatigue’. It tends to make one anxious and indecisive. It’s the what ifs and should haves that put us in a dilemma. In other words, the more time we spend swiping and trying to write or rewrite our classic rom com script the worse we get at building a strong connection or committing to another.

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Psychological Perspective

Option paralysis leads to commitment issues, social comparison, difficulty making decisions and attachment issues.

Commitment issues:

The sheer fact that there are so many options makes one second guess their choices, ‘what if they chose the wrong person?’ It encourages a need to pursue new matches in the fear of missing out on someone better. This can easily turn into an ideal match spree, where one may keep trying to check traits off their list and not form meaningful connections thus ending up with no one and frustrated.

Social comparison:

Evaluating ideal matches involves scanning and comparing bio’s, photographs, and traits, hobbies. Individuals may even compare their own profile with other profiles, which can lead to low self-esteem, unrealistic expectations and a desire to upgrade their profile to entice a better match. This may even turn into a competition to gain more matches, driven by the want to maintain their own ego and confidence. Rather than focusing on a genuine connection one may start viewing the experience as a self-worth chase.

Difficulty making decisions:

Searching for perfection makes individuals indecisive due to the abundance of options. This leads to quick judgment and usually shallow ones. Seeking the ideal human turns into a task rather than a joyful experience.

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Attachment Issues:

There are a few types of attachment issues such as anxious attachment, Avoidant attachment and disorganised attachment.

• Anxious attachment; this is when an individual feels overwhelmed by choice and fears rejection they may even feel they made the wrong choice.
• Avoidant attachment; an individual may use the many options to avoid commitment and genuine connections in search of their ideal one.
• Disorganised attachment; one may feel the need to form connections with many but in the end form zero ties.

How do we tackle this dilemma?

• Set clear priorities
• Take regular breaks to avoid burnout
• Limit your time
• Be selective aim for less to avoid a backlog of matches whom you may not even message
• Trust your gut

Finding a compatible match can be a frustrating task in this digital era, we all have expectations and traits we want in a partner and there is nothing wrong with that. Yet sometimes we lose our way in sea of faces and forget our goal a “genuine connection”. Individuals focus on the materialistic aspects rather than building a connection thus causing one too feel overwhelmed, anxious, misplaced.

It’s crucial to implement Strategies like:-

• Practicing mindful swiping: focusing on having genuine connections maybe even limiting yourself to just your matches.
• Satisficing: Is a term coined Herbert Simon, which combines “satisfy and suffice”. This entails setting a threshold of qualities that would make you truly happy rather than seeking a perfect match.
• Don’t be in a hurry: Understand your goals and ideas of what you desire in a partner and filter your preferences in such a way, make sure set a goal of how many people you would like to match with and focus on building a connection with them instead of hunting for better options, you never know who can surprise you.

Remember online dating is just a mere way to meet new people. Forming genuine connections takes time and patience; it isn’t a day’s work. In the end it’s all about being open minded and giving yourself and your match a fair chance. Understanding the impact of optional paralysis and adopting strategies to mitigate its effects can lead to a fulfilling experience. By embracing mindful methods one can increase their chances of making genuine connection in this digital romantic venture.