Is Reuniting with My Ex Worth It?: 20 Questions to Ask Yourself

Going back to an ex can be very nostalgic, recalling the familiar path you once tread. Memories make you comfortable; laughter brings you warmth, and what could be called the yearning of yesteryears is there. Yet, that same path as familiar as it seems still reminds you why you parted in the first place. It does sometimes create a possibility for idealizing relationships through great distances and absence. We remember only the highlights and fail to recall the grounds on which the relationship broke down. 

A thoughtful pause before getting back with an ex makes all the difference sometimes. Sometimes reuniting with an ex offers a second chance that will be even more stronger and resilient. This also puts you at risk of reliving old patterns and reopening old wounds. To ensure that any decision you make is one of true clarity and readiness, helping you have a feel for this by asking some honest relationship-assessing questions to yourself can be very effective. 

Below is a set of 20 critical questions to guide you in your decision: whether reconnecting with the ex is a sound choice. Each question will invite reflection on your past relationship, your needs, and changes in both your and your ex’s situation. This self-discovery will give you the power to make a valuable choice that suits your values, objectives, and benefits.

Read More: How to know if you have found True Love?

20 critical questions to guide you in your decision

1. Why did we break up? 

Start with the core issue that made you break up. Was this a big one: betrayal, disrespect, or different values? You must know the cause of your breakup because if the reason you broke up has not been addressed, getting back together may simply mean reliving the same mistake.

Read More: Importance of Self-Respect in Relationships 

2. Have We Both Changed Since the Breakup? 

Time alone can be a powerful catalyst for change and growth for people. Ask yourself whether you, your ex, or both have grown for the better and if these changes are big enough to improve the relationship. 

3. Do I Miss the Person or Just the Comfort? 

Easy to get lonely and confuse it with missing your ex. This is where honesty with yourself comes into play to determine if you miss your ex for who they are or only to have someone in your life with whom things feel comfortable and familiar. 

4. Am I Idealizing the Past? 

Over time, everyone remembers the good times but forgets about the problems. Be honest with yourself and don’t deny the problems you had. 

5. Do My Friends and Family Support This?

Sometimes, our loved ones can give us judgement we may miss them because of emotions. Think about how your loved ones feel about seeing you again. If most feel hesitant, then there might be a good reason to think about it. 

6. What’s Going to Be Different This Time? 

No adjustment in the dynamic of your relationship is likely to leave you anything but stuck in the same old patterns. Take specific steps that the two of you can make this time to improve communication, boundaries, or some other adjustment. 

Read More: Importance of Boundaries in Relationship

7. Am I Ready to Forgive and Forget? 

Forgiveness is necessary for rebuilding trust. If those actions in the past caused you pain, then you may want to ask if you are ready to forgive them and start moving on. Resentment will build, and most likely, it will come out in the future. 

8. Do I Want to Be Back Together because of Pressure from Others? 

There are times when you feel pressured to get back with an ex due to people around you. Whatever your decision may be, see to it that it’s a personal desire rather than pressure from others and expectations. 

9. Am I Compromising? 

Going back to an ex sometimes seems less daunting than embarking on a new relationship with a stranger. Let’s make that differentiation between returning from a place of love versus being comfortable and secure in what you’re currently accustomed to. 

10. Do We Agree on the Same Values and Goals? 

Values and long-term goals are strong relationship factors. Be honest with yourself as to whether your values are alike or different on major issues of family, career, and life goals. If you both are quite different, these differences could cause clashes. 

11. Is There Mutual Respect? 

Respect is the bedrock of good and healthy relationships. If a relationship has not had enough respect or appreciation up until now, then this needs to be rectified. A relationship without mutual respect will certainly reoccur. 

12. Am I Both Willing to Work on Ourselves? 

Healthy relationships require growth from each of you. If one or both of you are not willing to reflect on personal issues and work towards improving these, then the relationship probably cannot be sustained. 

13. Are We Now Able To Communicate Honestly?

Effective communication is one of the best ways of conflict resolution. Consider whether you and your ex are now better at communicating with each other since the breakup. Was communication a significant cause of conflict before the breakup? Has this issue been addressed? 

14. Is This for the Right Reasons? 

You might be going back to him or her for all the wrong reasons such as loneliness, nostalgia or habit. You may be just looking for someone. You must ensure that you want to reconnect and both of you are happy with him or her, not because you are desperate or it’s a habit. 

15. Can We Handle Past Issues Better Now? 

Ask yourselves if you are prepared to work through old issues more healthily. For example, was jealousy or insecurity part of the problem in the past? Are both of you now in a space where you can maturely manage these feelings? 

16. How do we deal with conflict? 

Every relationship has conflicts, but the way those are handled determines its health. Consider how conflicts were handled before and if either of you has developed healthier coping strategies. 

17. Do We Bring Out the Best in Each Other? 

Relationships are supposed to motivate us. Ask yourself, are you becoming the best version of yourself being with this person, or is this person making you compromise on your values? A good relationship makes you grow, not ones that take you backwards. 

18. Am I Living Up to My Expectations? 

It’s pretty easy to get caught up in thinking that a reunion will correct everything that went wrong in the past. Be realistic about the relationship and not expect it to be perfect. Relationships take work, patience, and understanding. 

19. Are We Both Emotionally Available? 

Emotional availability is one of the absolute must-haves for a committed relationship. Consider if both of you are truly emotionally available without living in past baggage. 

20. Do You See a Future Together? 

The ability to imagine a future together helps in establishing whether indeed you want to stay with this person. If you cannot imagine a shared future or are unclear about it, then this might be a sign that this is not the right decision to reunify. 

Conclusion

Getting back with an ex involves making a huge personal decision through much deep reflection. Getting answers and reflecting honestly on these questions will give one clarity on whether reuniting is a good step to take forward. Each relationship would have its own set of problems, but if approached rightly, it becomes possible for both parties to start anew if they are genuinely committed to growth and change.