Hyper-Independence as a Trauma Response: Signs and Strategies

Trauma responses manifest in diverse forms, becoming intensely infused in our behavioural patterns. Many refuse help, even from loved ones and seek extensive self-reliance to feel secure. In the long term, excessive independence or hyper-independence pushes our well-wishers away and, with a dwindling social support network, we become incapable of asking for help. By nature, humans are social beings and while self-sufficiency is a celebrated developmental achievement, the excess of independence proves detrimental for our well-being.

Hyper-Independence

Becoming independent–handling daily chores, making decisions and attaining personal goals–is desired by all as it reflects maturity and a sense of success. However, the excess of anything has dire consequences. Hyper-independence involves attempting to be independent in all endeavours, even when it proves harmful and negatively affects our well-being.

Hyper-independent individuals refuse to ask for help, even in dire circumstances. For example, a single parent of two struggles to juggle numerous responsibilities, or one refuses to seek emotional support from their partner when they are under immense stress, driven by the fear of letting someone in.

Identifying Hyper-Independence

The signs of hyper-independence vary across individuals and may include the following:

You display excessive self-reliance and avoid asking for help.
You are emotionally guarded, finding it difficult to trust others.
You purposefully isolated yourself and have very few or no close relationships.
You overwork yourself by overcommitting to tasks, seeking perfection and neglecting self-care.
Your desire for control makes it difficult to delegate tasks, leaving you overwhelmed.
You struggle with self-disclosure, fearing others will take advantage of you.
You dislike others relying on you and generally prefer to be alone.

Further, while hyper-independence is not a formal diagnosis, it is a common symptom of some mental health disorders, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and personality disorders. For example, people with avoidant personality disorder develop hyper-independence as a defence mechanism to avoid negative self-evaluation.

Linking Hyper-independence to Trauma

Trauma, as defined by the American Psychological Association, includes distressing experiences that result in disruptive feelings such as fear, dissociation, helplessness and the like, negatively affecting one’s functioning by instilling the perception of the world as unpredictable and unsafe. Individuals adopt diverse coping mechanisms to deal with trauma, with hyper-independence being one of them.

Often, adverse childhood experiences involving emotional and physical neglect result in hyper-independence. For instance, in parentification, the child assumes the caregiving responsibilities with unmet psychological needs. Often, these children become hyper-independent adults. Traumatic experiences produce specific mental schemas that influence our behaviour. Accordingly, hyper-independence may stem from the following maladaptive schemas rooted in past distressing experiences:

Mistrust/Abuse: People with a mistrust schema do not rely on others and anticipate being hurt, either emotionally or physically. Their past experiences prevent them from trusting others with their well-being.
Abandonment: The distressing fear of abandonment is rooted in past experiences of having unstable and unreliable caregivers or going through continuous losses. This fear manifests as hyper-independent behaviour to protect oneself from being let down again.
Emotional Deprivation: People with hyper-independent tendencies often report the absence of a nurturant and protective childhood environment, which usually results in many unmet emotional needs. They develop hyper-independence because they come to believe that only they are capable of providing for themselves.

Trauma Response and Hyper-Independence

Hyper-independence serves many functions as a trauma response:

It functions as a coping and survival mechanism against traumatic events.
It provides a sense of protection by diminishing the likelihood of being hurt by others.
Traumatic events are associated with the experience of helplessness and loss of control. Hyper-independence allows one to take control of their life, making them feel less vulnerable.
People also employ hyper-independence to avoid triggers of past trauma, saving themselves from the emotional pain of mentally reliving the event.
People with traumatic pasts struggle to trust others, and hyper-independence helps them navigate their lives to meet their needs without relying on others.

Impact of Hyper-Independence

Strained Relationships: All forms of social connections including friendships, romantic relationships and caregiver-child dynamics suffer due to hyper-independent behaviours, damaging our social support network. Hyper-independence creates relationship barriers and misunderstandings, making others feel rejected and neglected as the hyper-independent friend, partner or parent refuses to build emotional bonds based on mutual trust. Here, hyper-independence no longer works as a survival tactic and instead fosters emotional distance and social isolation.
Stress and Burnout: Hyper-independent individuals often experience burnout and high stress, especially at the emotional forefront. The need to protect oneself coupled with reluctance to ask for help leaves one exhausted, mentally and physically.
Deteriorating Health: Hyper-independence becomes a source of mental health issues such as anxiety and depression, harming our well-being. Similarly, physical health also suffers as people overwork themselves, experiencing fatigue, poor sleep and lowered immunity.

Overcoming Hyper-Independence

Individual or group therapy sessions help people address the root causes of their dysfunctional behaviours, such as hyper-independence. Therapeutic modalities like cognitive-behavioural therapy and psychodynamic therapy help individuals process their traumatic experiences in a safe space, allowing them to counter their maladaptive beliefs and develop adaptive coping strategies. Further, trauma-informed clinicians involve people in several forms of healing work, such as learning to say no and to delegate to overcome hyper-independence.

Taking care of yourself through practices like self-compassion, mindfulness, and meditation cultivates self-awareness, allowing one to come to terms with their traumatic experiences. Further, overcoming hyper-independence involves building an effective support system by actively fostering interpersonal trust and emotional openness through active listening, empathy and self-disclosure.

We rely on trauma responses like hyper-independence because they help us survive during stressful and distressing life events. It is essential to acknowledge and understand that this response doesn’t serve as a healthy coping mechanism in the long run, and it is time to let it go. The journey of healing from past trauma takes time and requires being compassionate and patient with ourselves. Every small step towards interdependence and away from hyper-independence is a win.

FAQs

1. What is hyper-independence?

Hyper-independence involves attempting to be independent in all endeavours, even when it proves harmful and negatively affects our well-being. “an over-investment in autonomy and self-reliance.” Hyper-independent individuals refuse to ask for help, even in dire circumstances.

2. What are the signs of hyper-independence?

The signs of hyper-independence vary across individuals and may include excessive self-reliance, emotional guardedness, social isolation, overworking, need for control and a lack of self-disclosure.

3. How is Hyper-independence linked to trauma?

Trauma includes distressing experiences that result in disruptive feelings and negatively affect one’s functioning. Individuals adopt diverse coping mechanisms to deal with trauma, with hyper-independence being one of them. Often, adverse childhood experiences involving emotional and physical neglect result in hyper-independence. Further, traumatic experiences produce specific mental schemas that influence our behaviour, resulting in hyper-independence.

4. How to deal with Hyper-Independence?

Individual or group therapy sessions help people address the root causes of their dysfunctional behaviours, such as hyper-independence. Further, overcoming hyper-independence involves building an effective support system and taking care of yourself through practices like self-compassion, mindfulness, and meditation.

References +

American Psychological Association. (2018). APA Dictionary Of Psychology. Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/
Counseling Associates for Well-Being. (2024, February 26). Retrieved from https://ca4well being.com/hyper-independence-trauma/#:~:text=Experiencing%20trauma%2C%20su ch%20as%20a,reliance%20is%20the%20safest%20path.
Hanawalt, Z. (2022, December, 12). Why Hyper-Independence Isn’t Necessarily a Good Thing. Shape. https://www.shape.com/what-is-hyper-independence-trauma-6890323 Marschall, A. (2022, September 19). Hyper-Independence and Trauma: What’s the Connection? Verywellmind. https://www.verywellmind.com/hyper-independence-and trauma-5524773
Murphy, A. (2023, May 4). Addressing Hyper Independence: How to Identify, Understand, and Overcome Trauma-Induced Patterns. Declutter the Mind. https://declutterthe mind.com /blog/hyper- independence/
Touroni, E. (2023, September 18). Hyper-independence in a relationship– is it a trauma response? Chelsea Psychology Clinic. https://www.thechelseapsychologyclinic.com/ relationships/hyper-independence-in-a-relationship/