As a girl or a boy, we all develop some expectations from our life partner as we grow. It feels like, it becomes necessary to find partner as per your expectations or Else your life will be distorted. And then the time comes in your life when you have to meet the person you imagined before even meeting him or her. Your abstract idea of a life partner is about to meet with reality. The moment we meet the person we fall in the reality check of our expectations.
Searching a partner is a combination of emotional as well as realistic decisions. It’s really difficult to merge all your expectations and fix it in one person. But if you change word expectations to word priorities this mental battle becomes easier for you.
Marriage is more about emotions and mentality but looks also play an important role. Whenever you are going to meet your life partner follow these tips-
1) Listen to your gut feelings
Whenever you meet a person you get an inner feeling or a voice in your heart. Listen to it. It may be possible that you may constantly judge the person while talking to them. At the same time, you are experiencing some feelings as well. Focus on it. Your inner voice never betrays you. To listen to your gut feelings more clearly what you can do is before meeting that person just keep all your expectations aside and think about how he or she is making you feel as a person. Because in day-to-day life, you have to tackle this personality in the future.
2) Setting your priorities:
Before meeting the person or even if your know the person in general, set your top 3 to 5 priorities that are not negotiable in your life. Ask questions based on that. If answers make your priorities fulfilled, you can go ahead. Remember Mata Parvathi was happy with Shiv ji because she was ready to live luxuries of life and live on a mountain. If her priorities were luxuries of life she could not be happy.
Ask questions based on your priorities. If you feel the answers are not as per your expectations, give the chance to ask questions to the person. One can be easily understood by his or her questions. If you find questions as per your priorities you can think about it and if not you can step back and clearly talk about what you are searching in your partner. If a person says your needs are also meeting his needs, you can take a step ahead.
3) Focus on actions:
Actions speaks louder than words. Instead of what he/she says focus on what he/she does for you in the process of your meeting and in the period of knowing each other. Also, focus on how the person behaves with the people around him/her.
4) Deciding You don’t clearly:
What bothers most in marriages is something that is very important for you is least important for your partner. These things create problem when you start living together. For example ‘ if you are a family person and the person you are sitting next to you, finds it difficult to stay with family or You do not look conscious and the next person gives too much important to looks or you like to live a life of values and this person give importance to money over value. If you find such contradictory priorities you must think again before making any decision. Don’t assume that you will change the person with time or marriage will create your expected change in him/her. Take decisions on the basic of how the person is at present.
5) Realistic Expectations:
You are going to marry a person, not a wish full filler. Keep your expectations practical. You have difference of opinion, but how you reconcile also tells a lot about your future happiness. Compatibility is about what suits you, it’s not about what is best will suit you.
6) Love:
Marriage cannot be successful without love. Feelings take the power of our life if we don’t feel belongingness to our partner. If you meet the person and want to meet the person again, it is good sign. Just because you are in need of life partner is does not meet you can marry anyone who gives you the chance of being together. Remember this feeling of love will become your strength in your adversities of marriage and life.
7) Ask yourself:
Are you able to see the present person in your future? If yes, then you can take your decision. I would like to give reference of the book ‘Marry Him’ by Lory Gottlieb. In this book, she talks about how because of too many expectations one can reject great partners.
Take marriage as a part of life, not as your life. You are born to live and your partner is going to accompany you in this journey.
