In life, we all have faced some situations where things were not in our control and that situation affected our life severely such as a Dysfunctional family, negative work environment, others’ high expectations with us, bereavement (losing close ones), or any try of physical or emotional trauma or abuse.
In that situation also we had an option to choose our response.
First of all, I would like to clarify the difference between words reaction and response.
- Reaction- As it states, it is preceded by any previous action. It is our emotionally driven instant behavior to the situation.
- Response- It’s about thinking all the possible solutions and choosing to act on the one that meets our goals the most.
People who are finding it difficult to control anger, jealousy and, sadness are the ones, who are reacting. And why they are reacting is because they are unable to hold the high emotional energy which, they experience in such situations. Emotions rules over their conscience and later they regret for their actions. In short, what they are lacking is patience to hold on for some time.
Patience
It is the key to Quality of life. If we plant a tree, plan a family or work for career, we know that these things requires time. We can’t get the instant results as expected most of the time. Specially while planning for long term goal. Now the question arises, if patience is this much important for life, why can’t everybody can behaves patience in life? The answer is, because for developing Patience we have to follow some steps.
Patience comes from Wisdom, wisdom comes from leaning, and learning comes from Adversities and for interning this cycle what need is acceptance to the Adversities. Acceptance is the first step towards developing patience.
We can choose acceptance to the adversities or rejection. What we will choose to decide will decide our future behaviour. If we are taking the situation as problem/Obstacle/threat. It will generate emotions rather than logic. Hence we will miss the chance of learning from it.
In brief, Acceptance can help us in developing patience.
Acceptance to life challenges is similar to develop stamina like runner. Each day you have to start with past experience. Each day you will have chances or loosing or wining but your focus is not on results. Your focus is on leaning. Each learning will make you realise which step of repeat and which to forget. Acceptance can be developed in the shadow of Spirituality.
Spirituality
It simple means giving importance to higher virtues, being concerned about yourself and other human being and not being too attached to materialistic stuffs.
Ways for reaching this phase can be many, but the aim is one, finding your inner self. When we read any religious book, whether it is Geeta, Ramayana, Bible, Quran or Guru Granth Sahab, they all talk about how to stand in the time of adversity. These books were taught to us for developing insight from those stories and apply it in our day, today life.
While reading these books we developed sense of understanding of any incident happened in life and how to work in future. Basically these books helps us develop more conceptual clarity. With conceptual clarity person develops more hold on emotions.
So if you are feeling, In life things are going out of your hand or not as expected you can either go for such religious books or watch, read and listen (Stories, Podcast, Sermon)to the people who took the adversities as opportunities or anything worth creating for you.
While being in this process one must have:
- Attitude of learning
- Being honest with oneself
- Surrender to the higher being
Why surrender to the higher being is mentioned because you believe it or not everything happens for a reason. Even if you are reading this text, this hold some reason because of that you are reading it.
Try to understand the relationship between emotions and actions behind it. Because without understanding this you can’t develop insight.
Also, while being in the process, each day you will develop Conceptual clarity and this will bring
- Hope
- Wisdom
- Patience
- Empathy
- Compassion
With these values you will be able to face the, life challenges with more courage. Keep this process of learning alive. Gradually you will become calmer and wiser.
We all are tapped in Maya. We will fall and again we will rise. That’s how life goes.
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