Psychologists Suggest 9 Things for Parents to Raise Empathetic Children

Empathy is a concept emphasised significantly when talking about gentle parenting. Gentle parenting is a new concept where parents raise their kids without using rewards and punishment as a tactic. Through empathy, respect, understanding, and the establishment of sound limits, they create self-assured, self-reliant, and confident children. Growing compassionate kids is similar to taking care of a plant. In every moment, parents need to sow the seeds of understanding, nurture their roots with kindness, and tend to their growth with patience. With nurturing, these immature brains will blossom into kind spirits who will carry empathy with them wherever they go.

Read More: Why do Some People Lack Empathy?: Psychologist Speaks

But Empathy and Kids? Why?

Developing compassionate, healthy kids is crucial to the development of a caring society. Which would you prefer: emotionally knowledgeable, compassionate, and understanding children, or insensitive, obnoxious, and untrustworthy ones? The foundation of the Emotional Quotient is empathy, which aids in children’s understanding and emotional regulation. According to research, students with high EQ outperform their peers academically by 11%. People with empathy build happier, better relationships. Children who are taught empathy are less prone to bully others, according to further studies.  They are more adept at problem-solving. Empathetic leaders outperform others by 40% in work satisfaction and team engagement, according to a poll of over 15,000 managers. And we all know that kids are the foundation of our future and hence, we should aim at raising them well. 

Parents and Empathy 

It is important for you, as a parent to first have empathy. Empathetic parents are more likely to create stable bonds, which promote better emotional development, according to studies. Empathetic parents may listen to their children without passing judgment, which promotes open and honest interaction. Children who grow up with compassionate parents are more inclined to respond cooperatively and thoughtfully to social difficulties. Empathetic parents help their children feel emotionally safe and supported, which reduces their anxiety and despair, according to studies.

How to Raise Empathetic Children

According to Child Psychologist Mannat Kunra, It is often said that ’empathy is to understand people by stepping into their shoes’. I will try to redefine it more precisely: empathy involves understanding others by metaphorically being in one’s shoes. Human Behaviour is determined both by genetic and environmental factors. However, new behaviours can be learnt by modifying the environment. Therefore, the environment, especially at an early stage in the life of a child, is very important in structuring his view of the world.

1. Modeling-During this sensorimotor stage, children develop mainly by observation and imitation. They are pretty much aware of the behavioral expressions of significant others around them and always tend to act like them. This whole process, termed modeling, is quite crucial in the social-emotional development stage of the children. For example, if a child were to encounter a child with special needs, the parents should approach the situation thoughtfully. Rather than expressing pity or distress, parents should aim to help their child comprehend the challenges faced by children with special needs while also highlighting their strengths and unique qualities.
2. Encouraging Perspective-Taking: Children need to be taught to value different perspectives. If, for instance, the household help goes on leave at a time when guests are expected, parents, instead of scolding in front of the child, should discuss various possible reasons as to why that would happen-an emergency perhaps at the helper’s home. This can facilitate, in the child, an understanding that there can be multiple explanations for others’ actions, thus encouraging empathy.
3. Social stories and Role Play: Social stories along with role-playing help a great deal in understanding empathy. The stories can be used to illustrate any scenario. The benefits derived from them include the fact that scenarios can be role-played, thus allowing the children to make their choices and analyze perspectives while considering others before arriving at a conclusion of their own.
4. Validating Feelings: It is important to acknowledge and validate a child’s emotions, especially during difficult times. By exploring the possible reasons behind a child’s distress, parents help the child feel understood, which in turn encourages them to empathize with others. Assisting children in identifying their own feelings and understanding those of others promotes a deeper sense of empathy.
5. Practicing Empathetic Activities: Participation in community service or charitable activities as a family can provide practical experiences that foster empathy. Such activities help children to understand the needs of others in a concrete manner, such as serving at a food bank or visiting at a nursing home.
6. Provide Opportunities for Social Interaction: Encourage interaction between your child and a wide range of peers. This may expose the child to various perspectives and experiences. The development of empathy is helped because it allows for an avenue of understanding and appreciation of different perspectives and life experiences.
7. It takes time for the child to develop empathy; thus, patience and consistency in this matter are highly needed. Indeed, with the constant practice of the strategies outlined here, parents will be able to inculcate the habit of displaying empathetic behaviours among children in the course of their emotional and social development.
8. Having gratitude fosters empathy. For example: Set aside an empty jar in a designated area. Each time the child demonstrates empathy—for example, by lending a friend a hand—add a vibrant bead to the jar and convey your feelings of gratitude. Celebrate with a movie night for the whole family once the jar is filled!
9. Taking care of plants or pets fosters compassion for other living things. For example: To encourage loving behaviours, give the child little tasks like watering plants or feeding a pet.

How do I know that My kid Lacks empathy

It is important to know if your kids display empathetic behaviour or not. Taking the same example of Prabha, children who are empathetic change their actions in response to social cues. Prabha may find it difficult to identify or understand the emotions of others. Watch how she responds in high-stress circumstances. If she appears unaffected or perplexed by another person’s suffering, this could indicate a problem with empathy. It is also possible for her to continually laugh at the pain of others or refuse to console a distressed friend.

Prabha may not be aware of the effect her actions are having on other people if she doesn’t feel sorry for herself or apologise after offending someone. Prabha could not be very interested in hearing about or trying to comprehend the experiences, feelings, or tales of others. refusing to consider other people’s perspectives or maintaining that her approach is the only correct one. It doesn’t necessarily follow that Prabha lacks empathy if you observe any of these symptoms. Although children acquire empathy at varying speeds, they can gradually become more empathic with regular instruction.

Low Empathy in Adults

The lack of empathy seen in adults often begins in childhood, where the foundations of emotional understanding are first laid. Children who do not learn to recognize and respond to others’ emotions may struggle with empathy as they grow. This early deficit can lead to difficulties in forming meaningful relationships and effectively navigating social interactions. Developing empathy in childhood is crucial because it helps build the emotional skills needed to connect with others and respond to their feelings as adults. By nurturing empathy from a young age, we can help prevent the persistence of empathy gaps into adulthood, leading to more compassionate and supportive interpersonal relationships.

According to Clinical Psychologist Aanchal Choudhary, I believe that Constant exposure to distressing news and information can lead to emotional overload, making it harder for people to feel empathy. When we humans are bombarded with too much suffering, it can be overwhelming, and as a way to protect ourselves, we might shut down emotionally which acts as a coping mechanism. This protective response can reduce our ability to connect and understand others’ feelings. Another reason in my opinion could be that when someone is going through a tough time, like dealing with a stressful job or battling with depression, their emotional resources are stretched thin.

For example, if someone is struggling with anxiety, they might be so focused on their worries and fears that they find it hard to respond to a friend’s sadness. Similarly, if someone is overwhelmed by personal issues like financial problems or family conflicts, they might not have the emotional bandwidth to support others effectively. Their struggles can consume their attention and energy, leaving little room to engage empathetically with others’ feelings. In both examples, the person’s capacity to be attuned to and supportive of others is diminished because they are preoccupied with their challenges hence with time making them develop low empathy.

Can I force my child?

Is it possible to make a sudden, drastic personality change on your own? or a conviction you’ve held onto for years? In a similar vein, empathy is an emotional ability that develops with direction, experience, and understanding, therefore it’s not possible to “force” it on a youngster. First and foremost, model empathy in your teaching of your children.

You served as their primary mentors and caretakers. Give your kids opportunities to look after others. They can practise empathy by doing small things like taking care of a pet, lending a friend’s assistance, or even encouraging their siblings. The way you parent also has a big impact on this. Instead of coming at them with a strong feeling during disagreements or emotional situations, try asking them questions like “How do you think they felt?” after the fact.

Include teachings on empathy in enjoyable activities. Make use of your child’s interests in art, reading, writing, or any other expressive medium. Even interactive games like treasure hunts, where you hide tiny things about the house that represent various emotions like joy, sad, angry, or delighted, and when your child finds one, ask her to explain why she felt that way and urge her to envision how others may feel in a similar circumstance, can be engaging. These innovative methods add fun to the process of developing empathy. Help her recognise and label her as well as others’ emotions better.

Using Prabha as an example once more, if she behaves in an insensitive manner, talk to her about how her actions affect other people instead of penalising her severely. Urge her to express regret and apologise.  Avoid escalation or too harsh behaviour. Once more, empathy takes time to develop. Maintain your compassionate atmosphere at home and provide her room to develop emotionally. Instead of fostering true compassion, forcing empathy can backfire and lead to anger or superficial behaviour. It is preferable to mentor her with caring connections, emotional intelligence, and tactful support.

Raising empathetic children like Prabha is difficult but also more important than ever in today’s tech-driven environment. Although technology might occasionally keep us apart from in-person communication, it can also be an effective teaching tool for empathy. Children can interact with a variety of cultures, tales, and experiences from around the globe through virtual platforms. Children of today can learn emotional intelligence and empathy-building activities through well-chosen educational apps, games, and television programs. Developing empathy in kids is a journey that calls for perseverance, direction, and constancy. Empathy can become ingrained in future generations and contribute to a more compassionate and cooperative society when given the proper encouragement and upbringing.

References +

• Ade Rahmawati Siregar, Zulkarnain Zulkarnain, Suri Mutia Siregar, Muhammad Fakhrul Rifta, Henny Setiawaty, & Irene Cristin Pasaribu. (2024). Empathy training and bullying among students at boarding school. Multidisciplinary Science Journal, 6(11), 2024224–2024224. https://doi.org/10.31893/multiscience.2024224

• biglifejournal.com. (2020). Key Strategies to Teach Children Empathy (Sorted by Age). Big Life Journal. https://biglifejournal.com/blogs/blog/key-strategies-teach-children-empathy?srsltid=AfmBOorLGeVcVqNLvQXv2fj-CjBPz_Z0O9nPK-dbYswxMeNFDRkaT-s0
• Brower, T. (2021). Empathy Is The Most Important Leadership Skill According To Research. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/tracybrower/2021/09/19/empathy-is-the-most-important-leadership-skill-according-to-research/
• Cleveland Clinic. (2022, August 5). What Is Gentle Parenting? Cleveland Clinic; Cleveland Clinic. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-gentle-parenting#:~:text=The%20goal%20of%20gentle%20parenting
• Cook, R. (2024, August 12). Council Post: The Empathy Edge: Emotional Intelligence As A Secret Weapon. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/councils/forbesbusinesscouncil/2024/05/13/the-empathy-edge-emotional-intelligence-as-a-secret-weapon/#:~:text=Empathy%20is%20a%20cornerstone%20of
• PsychCentral. (2016, May 17). When (and How) do Children Develop Empathy? Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-children-develop-empathy