Friendship Breakup: An Easy Guide for Young Adults to Move on

“Letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you have control over is yourself.”

Deborah Reber

This quote emphasizes that letting go of someone does not indicate that you don’t care about them less. It means respectfully distancing from that person rather than forcing a connection. In the end, we cannot control the actions of other people, we can only control our choices and actions for our well-being. Letting go helps us to prioritize our own goals and happiness. We have all heard about letting someone go from our lives a million times. Most of us associate “letting go” and “moving on” with a romantic relationship. Fairly less number of times these words are associated with friendship break-ups as well. But those hurt us equally and sometimes more difficult to let go of a friend than a romantic partner or person of interest.

We live in a society where ending a friendship has a lot of social stigma around it. It makes us think that friendship is a bond without boundaries. Especially in a country where we keep hearing, there’s no ‘sorry’ and no ‘thank-you’ between close friends.

Even though friendships have a more easy-going approach, it is important to set boundaries and know when to cut some people off for your own well-being and mental health. We hesitate to cut off a friend because we might feel guilty about letting go of something that has been built over many years or has many memories.

Related: How to Deal with Guilt Feelings?

Moreover, there is a fear of criticism and judgment from others. It is hard to let go of a friendship because we fear not fitting in and being lonely and importantly losing a person that we cared for and loved a lot. In this article, we will see how to let go of a friendship and recognize when it’s time to cut off a friend.

Related: Loneliness: Types, Impact and Strategies for Coping

Signs of an Unhealthy Friendship

Friendship is a very beautiful bond between people that can be built over a long time or within a few months. Friends support us to grow and a safe space to be ourselves unapologetically. But due to a lot of reasons like distance, lack of respect, reciprocity, misunderstandings, etc unhealthy friendships can harm our emotional well-being. Here are a few signs that you should let go of a friendship.

• No reciprocity: It’s a good thing to help a friend without expecting anything in return. But at times there are people who keep taking your support and disappear when you want a helping hand, they might give excuses or be simply ungrateful for the things that you have done for them. Friendship should be a two-way street with both parties putting in effort to maintain the relationship. If you’re consistently the one reaching out, making plans, or offering support without receiving the same in return, it may be a sign that the friendship is not good for you.
• They belittle you: Constructive criticism is necessary for us to grow. A true friend will always tell you about your wrongdoings. But if they constantly criticize your actions, choices, likes, dislikes, etc, they shame you in front of others to disrespect you, etc, it may be time to confront them and set boundaries or let go of that friend if they don’t change their actions.
• They don’t celebrate your wins: A friend needs to celebrate with you on your victories, even though it can be natural to feel jealous sometimes it should not influence their behaviour. If you find them constantly jealous or unhappy with your success then it’s time to rethink.
• They don’t respect your feelings: Roasting is a very common way in friendships, a normalized way to show love for each other. But one should not speak badly about you after a certain limit, especially when you have expressed discomfort around it.
• You have different values: It is okay to have different likes and dislikes, but some values are fundamental to the way we live. If you don’t connect on the same topics and values anymore, it is okay to let go if it creates constant arguments and conflicts.
• They are toxic: It’s best to stay away from people who manipulate you and make you feel drained after hanging out with them. They might ridicule you when you ask for space or set boundaries around something you are not comfortable with.
• They speak behind your back: A true friend appreciates you behind your back. It is important to take action if you find your friend gossiping and talking ill about you behind your back.

How to Let go of a friendship?

Even if we understand the signs of a toxic friendship, it can be challenging to let go and move on due to various reasons, let us look at some steps that you can take to move on from a friendship.

1. Take help: If you find yourself at rock bottom or overwhelmed try taking help from others who are close to you or someone professional, depending on your comfort level.
2. Recognize that it’s time to let go: The first step is recognizing the signs that your friendship is no longer helping you grow. Make the decision wisely prioritizing your well-being.
3. Acceptance: Even if you recognize the signs it can be overwhelming to decide between letting go of someone who you care for. You might feel anxiety, anger, disappointment, and grief at the same time. Give yourself the grace and space to feel those complex feelings, don’t suppress them.
4. Refrain from taking revenge: You might feel the urge to make them feel hurt the same way they made you feel. But don’t give in to that feeling, you might hurt yourself again in this process, instead focus on healing yourself and moving on.
5. Communicate Your Feelings: Depending on the circumstances, you may choose to have a conversation with your friend about your decision to distance yourself. If you feel that you can give them another chance, try taking a break and setting boundaries. Have an honest conversation with them, if you feel that they are not ready to change or simply you are not in the capacity to give them another chance cut them off immediately after informing them.

Remember that these are some general methods of letting go, you can do it in other ways if you find them beneficial for your health. Letting go is a process that will take time, take small steps, and don’t feel guilty about breaking up with a friend who brought you down.

Read more Articles from Psychologs

• 10 Signs of Having a True Friendship
• Importance of Boundaries in Friendship
• The Psychology Behind Long-Lasting Friendships
• 7 Signs That Friendship Might be Crossing Boundaries
• Importance of Friendships and Their Impact on Mental Health