A good fence makes good neighbours, similarly, good boundaries make a better life.
Robert Frost
Becoming a people-pleaser is one of the most common symptoms of having no boundaries. Why have I said these? People-pleasing leads us to always say yes to things that aren’t important to us and to say no to things that are important to us. If you read the above line twice, you will realize that it is not a healthy lifestyle with healthy boundaries. If you still haven’t, then here is a better explanation. The office employee, a junior manager, is a people-pleaser, which leads him to suffer from frequent burnout. How? Would that be your question?
He wanted to please his senior and to do so, he did his work, but that led to frequent requests from the senior, and due to his personality trait of not being able to say no, which was important for his health, it led him to suffer from burnout. As his work was doubled with the same salary, in addition it, he was guilty of not being able to say no.
Not setting good boundaries will hurt your personal life as well as your professional life. Not being able to set boundaries leads to the most common issues, like low self-esteem, lack of confidence, always feeling the need for approval from others, and feeling helpless or afraid of other people’s rejection or criticism.
Read More: The Art of Creating Healthy Boundaries with Parents
Explore your self
Recognizing your own needs and desires is fundamental when forming healthy boundaries. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs could potentially assist you start assisting your boundaries from a sense of belonging to self-actualization. Analyze your need for love and being loved as well as towards being respected and having self-respect. In pursuing your needs and objectives, I ask you the question: How much do your boundaries support or obstruct you? Being clear about what you want strengthens your self-concept, making you think about your preferences rather than others’ thoughts.
Why keeping boundaries is important?
It helps in keeping our emotional and mental health stable. They give us a sense of security and respect in any given situation, place, or in front of any person. Furthermore, it assists you in fulfilling your needs. I am listing down a few important benefits you will get if you set boundaries in your day-to-day life.
1. Establishing boundaries fosters mutual respect
- You must educate others about how you wish to be treated.
- Setting limits is an act of self-respect; if you respect yourself, you will respect others.
- When you feel disrespected by someone, communicating about it is important since it teaches the individual how to treat you in the future.
2. Boundaries help in boosting your self–esteem
- When we define boundaries, we define our relation or behaviour towards others.
- How we set our limits, lets people know what is acceptable and unacceptable by you.
- Setting your limits is also an exercise of self-care, which helps in our well-being and contributes to improving self-esteem.
3. Boundaries conserve your energy
- Failure to protect one’s boundaries might lead to feelings of resentment against others. Setting clear boundaries with people helps you avoid feeling emotionally and physically weary. This helps you keep your energy levels up and avoid burnout by not overextending yourself or taking on more than you can handle.
4. Boundaries clarify your self-concept
- It helps you understand yourself better, leading to a better understanding of your needs. With a clear picture in your head, enables you to distinguish between your preferences, desires, and boundaries from those of others, thereby shaping a clearer understanding of your self-image and identity.
5. Boundaries strengthen both interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships
- Are you worried that boundaries make you look more rigid and can spoil your relationships? Especially your romantic relationship There is nothing to worry about; in fact, having boundaries brings you closer. If you don’t have any boundaries, you may lose yourself, and you won’t find your identity in the relationship. Setting boundaries creates a safe space for both, where you know what is acceptable and what is not. And if your partner does accept your boundaries, you know the answer to it.
Read More: Importance of Boundaries in Relationship
3 best boundary–setting exercises
1. Know your Rights
Recognizing your boundaries is the first stage. For example: In a family, your right is to make your own decisions and not let your family impose on you. In the workspace, your right is to first complete your work and not be a slave working overtime without feeling valued or respected for it. Also, in your love life, your right is to be loyal and communicate with your partner after every fight without creating more misunderstandings.
Listing down is a powerful method to identify what you want and who are you.
2. Learn to say NO
It is very important because it helps people understand what kind of a person you are. When you know that you can’t do the work or attend the party, it is better to be truthful about it and not give false hope or prioritize other’s work over yours.
3. Establish your boundaries
After defining your goals clearly. Ask yourself these questions: With these boundaries, what will I allow?, With these boundaries, what shall I not allow?, With these boundaries, what will I tolerate?
4. Communicate your boundaries
You need to communicate your boundaries to other people to let them know what you are expectations from them are. Understand their boundaries as well, and explain yours if the person doesn’t understand. And most importantly Maintain your boundaries.
Setting boundaries helps us feel less concerned about how other people view or judge us and helps us understand ourselves better, it focuses more on our perception than others and helps us succeed in our lives.
