An evolutionary biologist explains the real science of reason we yearn for relationships and friendships. Relations and friendships are important, so important that in fact it has been proven that friendship can extend life expectancy and lower chances of heart disease. Friendship ignites the part of the brain that makes us feel good. Interacting with friends relieves stress and releases dopamine. It motivates me to do that behavior next time.
But then why do we lose friends as we get older? It is being observed that we simply wipe the slate clean while relocating for work or school. Our throw-away culture is callous about tossing even those relationships we once loved and suddenly we treat them as if they were disposable. Without even talking about the issue, we move away from friends and family who disappoint us. This response is appropriate if someone has been abusing us. But without even waiting for the person who would be willing to apologize who once ruffled our feather, these days people just disappear without saying what went wrong. Researches show that top contact in our social media, text messages as well as phone call log would change even in a year not to mention several years ago. The question that arises is why we are losing our social ties.
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Disposability in Modern Society
Researches indicate that these days the mindset that objects are disposable extends to social relations. A positive correlation is found between the way we look at objects and perceive our relationships. If a person moves around a lot, develop an attitude of disposability towards objects, furniture, books, and devices. An increased sense of residential mobility has also boosted a person’s willingness to dispose of both objects and relationships. Due to some or other reasons, people have to travel, and relocate a lot.
Sometimes they have to leave their once-loved material objects as it is not feasible to take along everything. But as soon as people move to a new place they get new stuff for themselves and soon the memory of previous objects fades away. This learning is being generalized to our social relationships. The relationships that were once indispensable and were very important for us, soon people learn to live without them. In this case, mobility is one of the reasons of considering social relationships as disposable.
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Psychology of Disposable Relationships
Another psychological reason is that sometimes it is seen that people intentionally enter into a relationship that is disposable because they just want someone around until they toss them in the trash like they would a paper plate. After being in a serious relationship some people prefer something more casual. They are not in for the long haul. Also, they shut themselves down to a certain degree knowing this relationship will not last. They don’t want to be alone, but they don’t want to get serious either, so they say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done to make the other person believe the relationship has potential.
In the back of their mind, they know it is just a matter of time. They use this person to transition into a serious relationship with someone else when they are ready to find what they really want. It is like before you buy fine China, you may use paper plates.
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But we must maintain our relations. People should accept that having differences in a relationship is not an indicator of problems in the relationship. Conversation is the most important part. Maintaining relationships requires effort. High-quality ties provide us with the kind of support we need like love, understanding, and respect. If social ties are seen as disposable we are less likely to get what we need from our network, which can negatively affect our mental and physical health as well as longevity.
