Why Do We Like to Compare Our Lives With Others (And How Can We Stop)

Ever scrolled through Instagram and wondered, “Wow, she’s got the perfect life— having the perfect vacation in Greece, radiant skin, and cool friends – while here I am just sitting in my worn-out pajamas, slurping instant noodles”? Or maybe you’ve seen someone walk out of an exam room with a huge grin when you’d studied all night and still somehow managed to scrape through. If so, well done – you’re human! Comparison is what we all do. That unwelcome guest sneaks into our brain, making us second-guess ourselves. But why do we compare ourselves with others and, more significantly, how do we end this exhausting mental habit? Let’s break it down.

Why Do We Compare Ourselves to Others?

1. It’s in Our Psychology – Literally

The solution is social comparison theory, developed by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1954. He believed that people have a basic need to compare themselves, and comparing ourselves to others is one of the ways we do it. It helps us know where we are in life—whether we’re “better” or “worse” off than those around us.

It made sense back in caveman times. If the person beside you was snagging double the amount of grub he was, you’d want to know why so you could optimize your survival chances. These days, however, with all that social media idealism, this natural mechanism has become a never-ending cycle of self-doubt.

2. Social Media: The Comparison Factory

Social media is the largest culprit for making us feel less than. We get to see flawlessly edited snippets of other people’s lives-highlight reels-and we compare them with our behind-the-scenes catastrophes. It’s like comparing your bloopers to a movie. No wonder it does not feel fair!

Think about it: No one discusses their bad hair days, relationship breakups, or ho-hum Monday mornings at the office. It’s weddings, engagement rings, fitness makeovers, and success stories all the time. Seeing it all the time gets our brain believing that everyone else lives in a dream world but us.

3. We Believe that Success is a Scarce Resource

Do you ever feel jealous when a friend gets an amazing job, purchases a car, or meets a great partner? It’s because we learn the world as a race in which there may be only one winner. But success is not a pizza where more success for them equals less success for you.

This scarcity mindset compels us to compare our timeline with someone else’s,even though we all have our own unique circumstances, blessings, and setbacks. Your timeline is your own, and no one else is in your lane.

4. Our Ego Craves Validation

Comparison doesn’t always make us feel inferior – it can also make us feel superior. We feel good when we see someone doing “worse” than us. Ever felt sneaky glad when you saw a classmate fail an exam you struggled through too? That’s because the ego craves that validation. And this validation is shallow and fleeting. Inner confidence lies in self-acceptance, and not in feeling better off than another human being.

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

1. Flip the Script: Compare Yourself to. Your Self!

Rather than focusing on what the other individual has achieved, compare your personal growth. Are you a better you this year than last year? Did you pick up something new, become a better person, or suffer hardship? Mark your own progress. Mark small wins—more water, more books, or even just getting out of bed on tough days. Progress is not glamorous, but it’s progress!

2. Control Your Social Media Diet

When Instagram scrolling makes you feel smaller, control your feed. Follow accounts that make you feel good about yourself, not the ones that make you feel inadequate. Unfollow and mute accounts that encourage comparison. Also keep in mind that social media is a highlight reel. Nobody’s life is as fabulous as it appears on social media. Even celebrities are not perfect, have crappy days, and have demons—just do not post about them.

3. Practice Gratitude (Even for the Little Things)

Thankfulness is an exceedingly strong antidote to comparison. As soon as you realize what you do possess, you stop obsessing about what you do not have. Start a basic gratitude practice: In the morning or at night, write down three things you are grateful for. As basic as “My morning coffee was excellent” or “I had an excellent conversation with a friend.” The more you notice what you have to be grateful for, the less you will compare.

4. No One Has It All

That careless social media account with posts about overseas vacations? She could be fighting anxiety. That married friend? She could be fighting in marriage. That co-worker who received that promotion? He could be struggling with stress. The reality is, everyone’s fighting his or her own war. Just because you can’t see someone’s struggles doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Life isn’t a competition—it’s a walk, and everybody has his or her own rhythm.

5. Take Comparison as Motivation

Instead of envying someone’s success, admire. If you truly adore someone’s confidence, style, or profession—ask yourself, What can I learn from them? Instead of jealousy, focus your mind on growth. For example, instead of thinking, She has such an awesome job, I will never make it, think in the direction of, What can I do to advance my skills and reach my objectives?

6. Stay in Your Own Lane

Visualize a race runner in front of you. If they keep glancing at the person next to them, they are held back. But when they stay in their own lane, they go swiftly. Life is similar to. Stay focused on your own path and embrace your unique journey. Write your own story and create success that you have dreamt of. 

Conclusion 

Comparison comes naturally, but it doesn’t have to dictate your happiness. The next time you catch yourself comparing, halt and remind yourself:

• Social media isn’t reality.
• Success isn’t a limited resource.
• Your path is yours.

Instead of comparing, let’s begin cheering – your successes, your growth, and your life. Because I can tell you, somewhere out there, someone is probably looking at you and thinking, “Wow, I wish I had what they have”.

So let’s put the comparison game to rest and simply be the best version of us that we can be. Are you guys in?

FAQs

1. Why do we compare ourselves to others?

Humans are wired to compare themselves with others due to social comparison theory, a concept introduced by psychologist Leon Festinger. It helps us gauge where we stand in life. While this was useful for survival in ancient times, it now leads to unnecessary self-doubt, especially with the rise of social media.

2. How does social media contribute to unhealthy comparisons?

Social media showcases the highlight reels of people’s lives – vacations, achievements, and picture-perfect moments – while hiding their struggles. This creates an illusion that everyone else is thriving while we are stuck in an ordinary or difficult life, leading to unrealistic comparisons.

3. How do I stop comparing myself to others?

• Compare with yourself – Focus on your personal growth instead of measuring against others.

• Limit social media exposure – Unfollow or mute accounts that trigger comparison.
• Practice gratitude – Shift your mindset by appreciating what you already have.
• Remind yourself that no one has it all – Everyone struggles in ways we don’t see.
• Stay in your lane – Focus on your own journey rather than someone else’s timeline.