Anxiety could happen due to multiple reasons and for multiple things. Dating anxiety refers to the excessive worry or fear in the context of dating someone. Anxiety helps us predict the future beforehand by worrying about the outcome. When we predict or makes negative future predictions, we prepare ourselves for the worst case scenario.
Nervousness is common when meeting a new person, however, dating anxiety is more intense and lasts longer. Dating anxiety occurs before dating first person or after dating the wrong person previously. Dating anxiety is no as such a mental illness or disorder that has been mentioned in Diagnostics and statistical manual of mental disorders(DSM) But still it’s something to be worry about as it may impacts a person’s dating life.
Past experiences, family background, fear of commitment and distrust could be few reasons that leads to dating anxiety.
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Symptoms of dating anxiety
Physical symptoms involve sweating, trembling, increased heart rate and high blood pressure. The person thinks negatively about themselves and feels like they belong nowhere and that no one deserves them. People having dating anxiety have insecurity, low self esteem and fears of getting judged or embarrassed. They often fear of getting rejected or played on. People believe their freedom would get taken away from them once they starts dating someone, that they have to tell the other person everything. Also, people with dating anxiety may have commitment issues.
Reasons or causes that leads to dating anxiety in a person
There are various reasons that leads to dating anxiety or causes that makes a person hesitant to date.
Past dating experiences:
Dating anxiety due to negative, hurtful dating experiences from the past is the most common reason for not being able to give second chance to anyone and getting anxiety even at the thought of dating again. Even if there is a possibility that the next relationship might turn out well then the previous one, the person may not be in a state of trusting anyone again and risk it all one more time. They believe that they won’t be getting any good partner and everyone is just the same. Their memories from the past relationships won’t let them move on and so holds them back from trying to date or thinking of giving an opportunity to someone else. Also, a person may gets dating anxiety when they start dating again after ending a long term relationship.
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Seeing parents as an example of love:
Parents are their child’s role model and so how they act or stay together with each other, affects the child’s perception by moulding the concepts of love, fun, trust, etc. When a person has parents who makes them feel like loving is hard or love fades after sometime as in case of their own or seems to be fighting with each other quite often, it makes the child believe that love is a waste of time and there’s no magic in it, Everything is fake and that they should stay away from such things which makes them get anxiety when receiving proposals from others as they are not ready for it and have hard time understanding love.
Someone precious died:
when a person’s close family member, relative or the partner dies, they starts to believe that love don’t persists, goes away quickly and breaks heart. So in order to keep themselves safe from heart break again, they distance themselves from dating anybody and gets anxious while even considering the thought.
When date doesn’t go according to the expectations:
People often sets a standard for themselves, listing all the qualities the partner could have whom they are going to date. So when the partner didn’t meet the expectations or lack the qualities which one thought should be in a life partner, it leads to disappointment and may leads to dating anxiety. Sometimes it’s justifiable as everyone has their preferences and likings. However, setting expectations based on fictional characters from the books or movies is inappropriate and leads to false hopes and imaginary expectations.
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For example, people reading books goes like: oh that fictional character says ‘he’ll burn the world to keep her safe, I also want such protective partner’. In reality it’s not possible and makes the person think being incapable of finding that kind of ‘The one’ partner, leading to dating anxiety. Such people give up even before exploring or choosing a person to date, as they’ve got such high expectations, they seems to reject every other typical person .
Self beliefs and overthinking:
Every person knows best about themselves , their qualities and the weaknesses. When a person believes they are too sensitive or shy and gets attached to others way too easily within a short period of time, they tend to avoid dating others and surrounds themselves in close proximity of their friends and family keeping themselves secure and safe from getting attached or feeling something. This may leads to dating anxiety in fear of being single or alone by themselves due to such traits.
Scared of change in daily routines and in one selves:
Some people are ‘creatures of habit’ or ‘routine followers.’ They feels comforted and stability in doing the same things every day as part of their routines and often feels repulsive of change. So even if they crave that feeling of love, they still are unsure in dating someone as it’ll lead to making changes in daily routine and making adjustments in themselves, keeping in mind the other person they’re dating. This worry of changing oneself and the routine, leads to dating anxiety and makes the person avoid getting out of comfort zone.
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Fear of abandonment:
Some people make assumptions or predict the future outcomes of dating in a negative way even before starting to date. It goes like “what if someone break my heart”, “There is probability that the person I’m in relationship with will cheat on me by having multiple affairs behind my back”, these kind of thoughts leads to insecurity, fear of abandonment or rejection and discourages an individual to date.
Having Strict and conservative family:
Some families do not understand and believe The concept of dating and love as they might be old fashioned or were themselves not allowed to do so. They don’t approve their child dating someone and are quite conservative and strict. That’s the reason their child gets second thoughts before dating, thinking about the consequences of getting caught by their parents. In such situations, dating anxiety is an inevitable outcome.
People having social anxiety disorder(SAD):
People having or been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder feels uncomfortable being around or meeting new people and avoids going out in social settings. Also, people with social anxiety disorder are less likely to find a suitable romantic partner for them and generally avoids dating someone due to their clinical conditions.
Dating inexperience or hesitation with the ‘firsts’:
No human is perfect and there is no guarantee that every experience is going to be flawless and perfect, especially the first dating experience. This should not be the reason of not even trying. People believe that they won’t be able to date someone or could make anyone happy as they have never dated before and have no prior dating experience. Their fear of doing something silly or being called silly. Even if they date, they seems to prefer the other person taking the lead and making decisions in fear of spoiling the moments or destroying the situations that could’ve turn out well otherwise. Managing dating anxiety to lead a satisfactory romantic life These are just temporary reasons or causes of dating anxiety and one could always overcome them by learning to manage is well.
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Be self confident and look for happiness within you:
Being content with oneself and enjoying ones own company should be the first thing a person should master at, before starting to date and finding joy and happiness in others presence. The dating partner should have to be just an ‘add on’ or ‘plus one’ in an individual’s life and not a person’s whole life to be dependent on. Being self confident and having high self esteem are the greatest qualities which attract others.
Dating anxiety takes place when the person agrees to settle for the bare minimum as they might not know what could be better for them or they don’t consider themselves deserving of great partners. So, it’s important to not settle for any less than what a person actually deserves.
Maintain Distance from mentally draining people:
Life is already tough and work, studies and deadlines feels too much to handle and above all that, if the dating partner is not upto mark or is dominating, manipulative or talks negatively, keep distance from them and choose a right partner who feels easy and comfortable to be with and makes life joyful and exciting and not stressful or sad.
Set boundaries and decide appropriate dating goals:
setting boundaries and making it clear by discussing it with the dating partner is necessary to avoid any sort of confusions, discomfort or unnecessary expectations regarding the dating life. Don’t let the other person be dominating and never let them be the reason of extending ones own clearly set limits. Define dating goals, values and needs for the dating partner to let them know what to expect from dating and how their dating experience may look like. Every person has their own thoughts and opinions, and it’s their right to express themselves, whether they want casual dating or long term commitment.
Feel comfortable and be open while discussing concerns:
Don’t let yourself feel pressured or confined in a relationship. Opening up when something bothers or letting the other person know when something doesn’t feels right is the right way to lead the dating thing. Ignoring ones own needs and suppressing how one feels, considering it small or irrelevant makes the things worse and could lead to feeling of claustrophobia in company of the partner. A good dating partner is the one who understands well, never judges and is easy to have a conversation with, from discussing small to major things In life.
Don’t date because of peer pressure:
Remember that dating someone is a choice an individual makes, so only dating when it feels right and when someone really feels like doing it is a great choice rather than dating someone to look cool or for passing the leisure time in the company of others. Many people agrees to date unwillingly just because people around them are in a relationship or are dating someone and they seems happy. This should not be the reason and it would only lead to more dating anxiety in a person.
References+
- https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/dating-anxiety#speaking-with-a-doctor
- https://www.choosingtherapy.com/dating-anxiety/
- https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/dating-anxiety
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