Family is a dynamic organization in which a group of people who are related to each other, stay together voluntarily or involuntarily and share the responsibility of each other. Even when they stay far from each other their family norms guide their everyday behaviour. Maybe because they are in the habit of such norms or maybe because they believe that those norms serve them better than any other. One cannot entirely remove family experience from anyone’s life. Family life and atmosphere shape our life experience and future. Research has found that humans are better at remembering negative or traumatic experiences rather than positive ones. According to psychologists, one possible explanation for this statement is that it’s necessary for human evolutionary roots.
Humans remember negative information because their survival depends on the risk factors that are around them or within them (in mind). That’s why when people stay together they experience and remember the sense of comparison, jealousy, conflict, and disputes often. Rather than being grateful for what they have.
When people live together their lives get affected because of each other. Even when one tries to create emotional balance to their fullest they experience pain and imbalance because of the response they are receiving from people around them. It becomes very difficult for family members to maintain harmony among them.
Let’s talk about some such situations and solutions to this
1) When you have to overlook your moral standards:
Different families have different moral standards. When two people live in the same family with different moral standards clashes are more common, in marriage bride can find it difficult to accept his in-laws life lifestyle and thinking and the same happens with in-laws. For prevailing peace in the family, one has to negotiate. A person who is negotiating can feel injustice within themselves. By repeating the same story in mind one can gratify the amount of injustice they experienced. They can feel guilt, shame, embarrassment, and disappointment and find it difficult to make a balance within themselves and in their surroundings.
The solution to this:
Work as per family expectations, but also try to protect your individuality. If you find it wrong, don’t do it. If you can’t do it don’t just do it for their sake and curse them within. It’s better to say what you cannot do and feel good or at least don’t treat yourself as the victim. The same member behaves differently with others because of their behavior. Gradually family members will get habitual of this.
2) For responsibility one has to scarify their dreams:
As a Brother, father, daughter, and mother people have some responsibilities in the family, and after marriage responsibility becomes even more. Family members most of the time do their best but when they do not get the desirable response they can feel all they pains they took for take that responsibility.
In the family, people are more interested in solving others’ problems and providing suggestions to others rather than focusing on their own problems. Only because they care for you and love you. They have given their sweat, joy, and dreams to the family so they expect something in return.
The solution to this:
The more you will expect the more painful the relationship will become. Just do what you can and what you expect in return. If its met it’s good, if not, then you can think what else you can do to make it happen. Don’t give up on relationships until it is damaging your mental or emotional health. If you see any such red flags of relationship you are free to make a decision.
2) When one person has to work more in comparison to others:
In family dynamics, one can find a hierarchy. The person who is new in the family or smaller in age has to work more in terms of action and people who are old in age or the head of the family have to work in terms of responsibility. Both parties can feel it’s very easy for them to take charge of another work role rather than doing what is expected from them. When one sits with both parties separately, it’s easy to observe this.
The solution to this:
Empathize with another person, one day you have to walk into their shoes. Do justice with responsibility because everything happens for reason. All emotions which one can feel is valid. With time and maturity, you will learn how to respond in such situations. Don’t be in a hurry, go with the flow.
4) Difficulty in communicating their needs to each other:
No Daughter in law wants to sit idea what they want is an acknowledgment of their work, and no parents want to scold their kids, which they do because according to them kids don’t know the long-term effect of their habits, no Kids want to fail in exam they just don’t know the importance of knowledge and money and finds it difficult to understand because all their needs are being fulfilled and if not it’s their parent’s responsibility. What family members fail to understand is the intention behind each action.
The solution to this:
See everything cannot be spoken but things that are important must be spoken openly to meet the objective. Such as kids should know the does and don’ts and the repercussions of their behavior (How long one can stay out or how much one can spend in parties and shopping), and what is the common habits and expectations of family members. If intention is clear members have less chance of misunderstanding.
5) Financial responsibility:
Money has broken many families, people who stay under one roof for decades are not ready to stay together for a day. It’s only because they feel they deserve more luxuries for themselves and their loved ones. It creates bitterness in relationships and a sense of cheating.
The solution to this:
it’s very important in a family that family members must know how much is the family income and how it is spent. The better financial clarity the better financial support can be provided by the members.
6) Difficulty in creating a balance between personal and professional life:
A person who is working hard can get highly disappointed when they see family members are not doing what they are expected to. They might feel they are fools working for people who don’t even bother for them. Everyone has their own pains and damage and everyone feels that what they are experiencing is worse and challenging.
The solution to this:
One has to accept that no one can fight their battle. What they can do is just do their best and rest leave on God. See, you are the author of your life so don’t focus on writing the life of others. Focus on what you can, instead of what you can’t. Be happy at work because it fulfills your family’s needs maybe not all but up to some extent. Also, be happy at home because you are working hard for the happiness of the family members.
By watching movies and serials don’t expect perfectionism and justice at all times in your life. In a family sometimes you have to behave life blind, deaf, and dumb for family peace. No one is doing it because they are fools, they are doing it because they know it’s not possible that all the minds will perceive the situation similarly.
People with individual differences also can stay together happily if they accept the flaws and imperfections of each other full-heartedly.
