Commitment Issues: Why Some People Struggle to Stay & How to Change

There must have been instances where you see people who are reluctant or unable to commit to a long term stable relationship at times. These people can be struggling with commitment in friendships, workplace situations or romantic relationships. Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother and Chandler Bing from Friends are classic examples of commitment issues in romantic relationships.

This reluctance can feel like a constant push and pull between wanting emotional intimacy but also desire independence. Such people may struggle with feelings and emotions, which may also leave other people around them confused, uncertain and trusted. This article will discuss the signs that an individual experiences commitment issues and how to overcome those barriers for self-development. 

Signs that an Individual Has Commitment Issues 

Identifying what commitment issues look like can be slightly challenging but it often manifests in indirect ways through an individual’s behaviour. 

A. Running away from labels in relationships:

People who avoid labels in a relationship are usually very reluctant, hesitant and find it hard to define a relationship. The words like “long-term” “serious” or “exclusive” might scare them off. It might make them feel heavy which makes it difficult to be in a fully committed relationship. 

B. Being scared about the future:

Individuals with commitment issues may experience a lot of apprehension, worry or fear, when there are interactions about the future. The ideas like getting married to someone, moving in together with someone or even committing to a long term job offer might make them feel restless. 

Read More: I Love You But I Can’t Commit!

C. Emotional Distancing 

They may avoid deeper emotional bonds because that makes them uncomfortable. They may also keep their partner emotionally away from themselves even in a healthy relationship. Emotional withdrawal is very prominent in situations which require emotional connection.

D. Being inconsistent with their actions 

Sometimes, they may be really warm, affectionate and loving but they may also become distant, detached and hesitant the other moment. Such behaviour in a romantic relationship can leave their partner feeling confused, anxious and agitated because of the double bind communication and inconsistent patterns of the individual. 

Read More: Let’s sort it out: Importance of Healthy communication in relationships

E. They fear being Emotionally intimate 

They find a hard time developing an emotionally or physically intimate connection with someone. They may address that talking about themselves, being open about their feelings or allowing someone to see through them can be frightening. It usually is a way of protecting themselves from being rejected or hurt because they often avoid emotional connections.

Read More: Understanding and Overcoming Fear of Intimacy

F. Avoiding serious conversations

When the partner talks about long term commitment, the person with commitment issues can avoid the topic, make it feel unimportant, become defensive or not take it very seriously. Serious conversations make them feel uneasy about the responsibilities. The situation may demand them to open up about their real feelings causing them discomfort. 

G. Their past relationships are short-term 

A pattern noticed in individuals with commitment issues is that they may enter relationships easily but as soon as the things around them start getting serious, they tend to run away from the situations. They tend to date people for a short span and may quit being in the relationship without giving closures to their partner and they often cancel plans

Ways to overcome Commitment Issues 

A. Indulge in Self-Reflection 

First and foremost, an individual with commitment issues should understand the root cause of their issues. Commitment issues often arise due to insecure attachment styles, unresolved conflicts and unconscious fears stemming from past relationships. Understanding the obstacles and challenges faced by the individual with commitment issues can lead to emotional conflicts, anxiety and confusion. It is important to reflect on your own internal feelings about commitment or engage in mindfulness to resolve the emotional wounds. 

Read More: 10 Powerful Benefits of Practicing Mindfulness Every Day, According to Psychology

B. Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy 

It is crucial to identify the negative thought patterns that impact the individual’s behaviour. Cognitive restructuring and working on the negative thought processes can help in overcoming the commitment issues. Individual Therapy or Couples Therapy can be an effective strategy to develop positive thoughts and realistic expectations from the relationship. It will help to form healthier ways to engage in commitments. 

C. Engage in Honest and Open Communication 

Talking about genuine feelings, fears and doubts will foster transparency and clarity in the relationship. It also helps in building trust and becoming intimate with your partner. Communicating honestly and effectively can help in creating a safe space filled with reassurance and certainty about the relationship. 

D. Building Self-Confidence and Self-Worth 

People who struggle with commitment issues are prone to self-doubt and feeling unworthy when it comes to love, stability, or even success. Dealing with the fear of being vulnerable will require a concrete sense of self-worth and developing self-confidence. Acknowledging your strengths and practicing gratitude will help in developing a positive self-image.

E. Practice Self-Acceptance 

Practicing self-compassion and being kind to oneself can allow an individual to change the narrative. It is important to understand that making mistakes is completely alright and having flaws does not diminish your self-worth. 

F. Take things one day at a time 

Enjoying the present moment and practicing meditation and deep breathing can help to refocus when an individual starts feeling overwhelmed. Asking the “what if” questions can create feelings of anxiety and helplessness. 

Conclusion 

In conclusion, overcoming the obstacles of commitment issues is a slow and steady process which requires self-compassion, consistent efforts and patience. By taking small steps one day at a time, being in the present moment and celebrating their strengths, an individual can improve their self-image and overcome the fear of intimacy. Ultimately, open communication and self-acceptance is the roadmap to create healthy and fulfilling relationships with long-term commitment.