Self-compassion is a more broader term than self-love, more precisely, we can say that self-compassion is a way of loving oneself by accepting all our flaws, all our deficiencies and inadequacies, all our downfalls and failures. Whereas self-love is loving yourself more than anything and not settling for less than you deserve.
Self-compassion is the most important virtue one should build in oneself, being kind and compassionate towards oneself at times of trauma, heartbreaks, and failures in academics, business, career, etc. Being kind and gentle to self, helps the person to have control over stress, anxiety, and depression. Accepting our faults and failures without feeling bad or inferior to anyone is the strongest part of being self-compassionate.
According to Kristin Neff, the propounder of self-compassion, Mindfulness plays a vital role in being compassionate to ourselves. Mindfulness means being aware of only the present, i.e., not swinging in the past and making harsh judgments about ourselves as well as not dwelling on the future and feeling anxious about it.
In addition, we need to build a compassionate acceptance of our present situation by making no evaluation or comparison of our self-worth to that of others. We need to accept the way we are and to allow our real selves to take the lead and that’s where we bring self-compassion in our lives.
So, How one can start building self Compassion in oneself:
1) Hope:
According to the Psychological point of view, hope is the state of mind where we think of Positive and Good things yet to happen in our lives, In total Hope is the most important element for survival.
I would like to say that hope is another important ingredient that should be mixed with self-compassion. Having true faith in oneself builds determination and perseverance that will ultimately build self-compassion. So, Hope and self-compassion go hand in hand for better wellbeing.
2) Building attitude of Gratitude:
Gratitude means simply being thankful and in a state of contentment for whatever we have in the present. Being Grateful in every situation helps us to fill ourselves with the courage to see that, everything is good for us and that there is an opportunity to grow in every situation, whether it is good or bad. And, This habit of being grateful helps us to be more self-compassionate.
We can make gratitude journals and write at least one thing good that happened in the day, we can also be thankful for the comfortable and cozy place we live, the air we breathe, the water we drink, the friends we have, and anything which helps us to see the brighter side of life.
3) Deep breathing, meditation, and Yoga:
To cope up with emotional swings, we can start practicing deep breathing exercises just for 10 minutes a day. It will take a few months to be habitual with the magic of exercise and deep breathing which bring calmness and serenity and help the mind and body to be more relaxed and peaceful.
4) Prayer and Affirmation:
Prayer is a way to get aligned with the Divine power and the greatest Divinity lies within us. Praying and using affirmation can help us to be more kind and compassionate towards others as well as ourselves.
Using affirmations early in the morning as well as before going to sleep, like taking a deep breath and affirming that ‘Today is a great day’, ‘I am brave’, ‘I did my best today’, These little-little affirmations help you to become more patient, hopeful, kind and self-compassionate.
Affirmations and prayers help us to build inner guidance which therefore builds courage and resilience in oneself to handle the situation with strong determination and a belief that, This is not the end of the story!
5) Avoid negative Self-talk:
Even when you fail your hardest battle try to avoid depreciating your self-worth by negative self-talk, think of yourself as your best friend, and empathize with your own self. Imagine how you will treat the most important person in your life when they meet a failure like this, would you ever criticize yourself for what you do to yourself!? Off-course! You will never do that. So, start treating yourself as your best friend, avoid harsh criticism, and be kind to your inner warrior.
6) Tame Your Shame:
By doing continuous self-evaluation, we load ourselves with lots of shame, that we are incapable, we are losers, we are ugly, etc. By evaluating ourselves with the rest of the world we decide where our self-esteem and self-efficacy lie, continues blaming and shaming our self-worth can depreciate our confidence as well as our mental health in total.
So, Stop putting yourself on global evaluation all the time. Accept the way you are! Just accept your flaws and find your uniqueness. Embrace your real self rather than hitting hard and blaming yourself to be your ideal self. Stop being judgmental of your self-worth, you are more than your success and failure, you are more than you think of yourself, Start appreciating who you are and fight the battle with the utmost faith, You Are Going To Make It in the End.
Being self-compassionate helps you to be more compassionate with others. So, first, be kind to yourself and this will help you to be gentle with others also because you cannot pour from an empty cup.
So I would like to sum up my talk with a beautiful quote:
Being kind and gentle with yourself is like loving the universe which lies within you as well loving the entire mankind.
