In today’s world, sexuality has become an important topic that catches everyone’s attention. A person’s sexuality is an essential part of an identity. This makes it crucial to identify and respect it, to be able to respect those around you. While the topic of sexuality is gaining momentum, there are many orientations on the spectrum that are not well-known, and hence often misunderstood by people. The attitudes of people around can affect ideas of self-image in queer people.
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Taking this into consideration, this article aims to shed some light on the topic of ‘asexuality’ to make its readers more aware and accepting of the people around them.
What is Asexuality?
An asexual person is someone who does not, or experiences very little sexual attraction. It falls in the large spectrum of sexual orientation. In short, they are called aces. While different orientations speak for the sexual preferences of people, this is a little different since they don’t experience sexual attraction, irrespective of a person’s gender. Asexuality is a spectrum of its own, which will be explored further. This is not a medical condition or a choice, rather it is part of one’s identity.
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Asexuality might sound similar to having a low sex drive to many. However, that is not the case. A person’s sex drive varies due to many factors such as a change in hormones. A person can opt for treatment in these cases. However, being asexual is completely different since it is not governed by other factors, and it is not something that needs to be treated.
It’s simply how someone is born, and that’s who they are. Many asexual people have the same emotional needs that you might have. Their asexuality does not necessarily need to hinder their ability or their desire to form intimate relationships, looking at it through the lens of emotions. While sexual relationships are valid in society from an evolutionary point of view, asexual individuals and their choices need to be understood and respected.
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How is it Different from Abstinence or Celibacy?
Before addressing this question, let’s understand the two terms mentioned here. Abstinence is one’s choice not to have sex before they are married. People who turn to abstinence are completely different from asexual individuals, as they believe in the concept of saving themselves for marriage. Looking at celibacy, a person avoids engaging in sexual acts due to religious beliefs.
In both cases, avoiding sex is a person’s own conscious decision. That is not the case for asexual people since asexuality is just an orientation, not much far from homosexuality, or even heterosexuality. Further, abstinence or celibacy does not stop an individual from experiencing social attraction. Another thing to keep in mind while dealing with asexuality is that there’s nothing wrong with not feeling sexual attraction. It does not mean that a person is scared of intimacy. Asexual people do not just repress their sexual desires, and they do not experience any kind of dysfunction. Further, it is not a result of problems such as sexual aversion disorder, which might have a causal factor, such as traumatic past sexual experiences.
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Are Relationships Off the Table for Asexual People?
The answer to this question is a big NO. While aces can avoid relationships, that is not always the case. To understand that, you first need to understand attraction. If you’ve noticed, the article has repeatedly mentioned ‘sexual attraction’, and not attraction in general. So, there are other kinds of attraction. Aesthetic attraction refers to a person’s attraction to someone’s physical beauty. Sensual attraction focuses on the desire to have meaningful, non-sexual interactions such as cuddling. There are other types of attractions such as emotional and intellectual attraction, but since the question looks at aces’ ability to form relationships, let’s look at romantic attraction.
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Romantic attraction is a person’s desire to interact with an individual romantically. An asexual individual can experience different patterns of romantic attraction, which shapes their choices in terms of relationships. Asexuality as a sexual orientation is independent of a person’s romantic orientation. Aromantic people don’t experience romantic attraction towards any gender.
An asexual aromantic individual is not likely to form relationships with a partner. Biromantics are those people who feel romantically attracted to males and females. Panromantic people are capable of developing romantic attraction for every gender. There are many other romantic orientations that a person might identify with. So, even if a person is asexual, they might be in a relationship.
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Two important terms that one should remember about asexual individuals are as follows.
- Graysexual/ Gray-A/ Gray Asexual: These are people who feel that their sexuality lies somewhere between sexual and asexual.
- Demisexual: These individuals only experience sexual attraction after building a close emotional connection with a person, but not before that.
Dating an Asexual Person
It isn’t necessary that an asexual person only dates another asexual person. In these cases, it might become difficult for the two partners to stay completely true to their own identities. If you’ve recently found that your partner is asexual, start by taking some time to yourself. The first step would be to understand what asexuality is, and then take it forward. These are some things to keep in mind as you move forward.
- Communicate: The key to a healthy relationship has always been communication. As you and your partner talk, you both can figure out each other’s expectations and find a comfortable middle ground to take your relationship forward. Also, express your wants to find a way to satisfy yourself as well.
- Respect Boundaries: Once you’ve both set boundaries, respect them. Don’t let your partner feel pressured by your expectations. This might put a strain on your relationship, so it’s best to avoid it.
- Explore Intimacy: Intimacy is not limited to sexual acts. Thus, explore other means of forming intimate connections with your partner. This will allow you both to have a fulfilled relationship and promote the emotional connection that you share.
- Avoid Assumptions: This takes you back to the first point. Always communicate! Do not make assumptions about what your partner might want and what they don’t. This will help in avoiding future misunderstandings.
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Summing up
Asexuality is a valid sexual orientation that one is born with. While it is a part of their identity, asexual individuals often find themselves in situations where they are up against societal norms, and thus, rejected. As a part of society, you must take the responsibility to educate yourself about the topic. Spreading awareness might stop asexual people from being in compromising situations. Asexuality is not a choice, neither is it a medical condition, and it shouldn’t be treated as either.
A person should not be pulled down for being who they are. By doing so, the quality of society also goes down along with the ties and relationships existing in it. There is a wide range of identities that are a part of the spectrum of asexuality. People mustn’t generalize them. Many asexual individuals form fulfilling meaningful relationships, and some might even have children. While this awareness is required, it is equally important that people do not overcompensate. Asexuality is a part of a person’s identity. Do not make the mistake of making it the only describing factors of any asexual individual that you meet, but respect them either way.
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References +
- https://lgbtq.unc.edu/resources/exploring-identities/asexuality-attraction-and-romantic- orientation/#:~:text=Asexual%20%E2%80%93%20A%20term%20used%20to,comment%20on%20one’s%20sexual%20attractions.
- https://young.scot/get-informed/all-about-asexuality/
- https://www.vogue.in/culture-and-living/content/what-does-it-mean-to-be-asexual-heres- everything-you-need-to-know
- https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/327272#summary
