How to communicate about intimacy issues?

How to communicate about intimacy issues?

Physical and emotional intimacy are crucial aspects of a relationship. It determines how both the person feel about each other, how they connect, how comfortable they are and many more. What it means to one person will always be different from another, it's meaning is something that varies from person to person. Intimacy issues are not an unusual thing, it happens to almost every other person at some point of their life, and it does not reflect you individually. It is something that you can sort out and accpet it as a part of your relationship. 

But how do we talk about it with the partner? Conversations regarding physical or emotional intimacy can be sensitive or it can even be awkward for many, so initiate the conversaion whenver you're ready for it personally, and when you know the other person is in a state to talk about something like this. And make sure where, when and how both of you are while having the conversation. Be sure that you're genuine with your words, it is imporant for both of you to be honest and transparent enough. Start the talk with telling them what they mean to you, what it's like to be with them, why and how important they are to you, and how you wish to keep it like that. And while they want to talk about it, let them speak, listen to them. And then start talking about what intimacy means to you, and what it's like with them. But make sure, that when you're talking about the issues you think you're having, you do not put any sort of blame neither on them or you. Do not forget that both of you are equally responsible for the process of your realtionship.

Listen to what they think about it, discuss the ways you can sort it out and both of you should be a part of it equally. Your words should be framed in such a way that you let the other person know that whatever is happening is not a big deal, it is something that happens to almost everybody and that today if you're having this conversation that's only because it is important for both of you and because you're comfortable with each other you believe that you will get thorugh it.

It is important for both of you to know that, nothing can be always perfect or will go the way you want it to. Never carry any kind of irrational beliefs, and expect everything to be perfect. A relationship is about arguments, love, honesty, issues, transparency, exchange of bitter to sweet words, understanding each other, sorting out these issues, processing together, being emotionally available, acceptance and many more, until and unless it doesn't get toxic or it is affecting you negatively. Basically, it will never be "perfect" how you will wish it to be, it's upto both of you how you'll accept the perfection withing these imperfections. Always remind each other that there is nothing like "we should", or "we must", or "we have to", your relationship will always be different, and that's how it's special for you and every other couple. This is why it is extremely crucial to talk and listen, to be genuine with your words and feel comfortable, Your intimacy issues do not make you or your relationship incapable of anything. And if it's really difficult for you to talk about it there is always another way out, go for professional help, there is nothing wrong to contact a relationship counsellor, you will take that step because you care about it. 

Believe each other, trust the process, and remember IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

About the Author

Sudarshana Dutta
Student.

Heya! I'm in my third year of Clinical Psychology.

I love jotting down my thoughts :)

 

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