Adoption and Family Dynamics

Adoption allows the adoptive parents, as well as the child, to have a complete and loving family. It is a complex lifelong process that changes the life of the child and also affects the relationship between family members. With an adopted child, it is much more important to provide a balanced upbringing and give them love and affection. Adoption lets one see that blood can be thicker than water, but love within the family is thicker than both. This article aims to look at various aspects of adoption, and its effects on family dynamics, giving the reader a better idea of what an adoptive family goes through.

Deciding to Adopt:

The best thing about adopting is that it is a choice. Adoption lets you provide a deserved life to a child who was deprived of it. This choice can be influenced by many factors. Some parents decide to adopt because they can’t have a child of their own. Some go for adoption if there is a risk of passing on genetic disorders. In these cases, both the adoptive parents and the child have experienced some kind of loss. Adoption paves the way for the parents and the child to find the comfort and love of a family in each other.

Read More: The Basics of Child Psychology

Many parents wish to adopt to provide a child with a better life. They might have wanted to do so themselves, or they might take this decision in case a family member or someone close is pregnant, but not in a condition to provide a fulfilling lifestyle to the child. Same-sex couples also opt for adoption when they decide to extend their family.

Adopting Children in Different Age Groups:

At a young age, children are more accepting of adoption. This is because they don’t remember the details of the adoption process, and they spend the majority of their childhood with their adoptive parents. As children grow up and develop the ability to perceive things, they might have negative attitudes towards adoption. This happens because they question why their birth parents had left them, and might not receive a satisfying answer to it. When children reach the teenage years, their attitudes towards adoption differ. This is mainly because couples are keen to adopt younger children, hoping to have more time to spend with them and raise them.

Teenagers might be extremely happy or excited to have finally found the stability of a home after spending so many years in shelters or foster homes. On the other hand, some children close themselves up. These children hold on to their previous experiences. Knowing that their birth parents had left them, and seeing other children get adopted as they get left behind, they feel unwanted. They might even express resentment towards the adoptive parents in this case. Age plays an important role in dictating a child’s reaction to adoption.

This is because their ability to process things and connect the dots evolves with time. Their reactions are also influenced by their past experiences and their ability to remember them. The best way to tackle these problems in adjustment is to just be there for your child. Show them that they can count on you and that you are family. As time goes on and they see that you have been present for them, they’ll learn to accept you and return your love.

Sense of Identity in an Adoptee:

As a child that is being adopted, it is hard not to question their own identity at some point. This can go two ways. The child either knows that they are adopted from a young age, or the parents wait till the child is old enough to understand. If the child already knows about their adoption, they might feel lost. Because of their young age, it will also be hard for them to process the facts or the changes in their life.

However, with their adoptive parents’ support, they slowly learn that family doesn’t necessarily mean a connection by blood. The child and the parents are both in a new environment and grow together. In case the child is told about adoption later in life, losing their sense of identity is easier. They might feel like everything that they knew was a lie. They might feel drifted apart from the adoptive parents and question who their birth parents are. At this stage of life, although their understanding of reality is better, the shock attached to the truth might be overwhelming, making them make rash decisions.

It is the parents’ choice to decide when they should tell their adopted child the truth. However, with time, the complexity increases. Either way, it is important that the child feels loved. In case they have siblings who are the parents’ biological child, the adopted child should not feel less, or even more, loved than the other child. The aim is to give them enough space and comfort to process all the information, while also believing that their adoptive parents want what’s best for them.

Challenges faced in Adoptive Families:

A 2015 study on ‘The Mental Health of U.S. Adolescents Adopted in Infancy’ shows that adopted youth are at an elevated risk of externalizing disorders, such as those involving aggression, especially in those who are domestically placed. With the complexity of adoptions, many challenges creep into the family relationships. The following are some of the many challenges faced by adoptive families.

The adopted child might have a lost sense of identity.
The child is likely to feel intense grief, shame or guilt.
The child might stress upon the feelings of loss instead of focusing on the present.
These children might feel confused, leading to aggression or attachment issues.
Adoptive parents might feel frustrated if the child doesn’t return much affection to them.
The parents might experience sadness if the child takes to rejection.

Rewards of Adoption:

By adopting, not only will you receive the joy of having a child, but you’ll also be able to provide for, and take care of a child who finds themselves to be alone. A child gets the stability of a home and loving parents when they are adopted. With this stability, they are likely to be healthier. This also gives the child the opportunity to trust someone and form lasting relationships. Adoption guarantees a healthy lifestyle for the child. These children can socialize healthily. Parents get the satisfaction of raising a child and seeing their families grow. They also get the opportunity to pass down traditions or even the family name. While adoption can be complicated, there is no denying that it is highly rewarding.

There are going to be numerous challenges to face, and it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. But if you feel ready, then go for it. There are a few things to keep in mind to develop your relationship with an adopted child. Bond with them frequently. They are now your responsibility, so show them that they can count on you. Do not let them feel like they are a burden. It’s easy for them to feel that way when they think they’ve been abandoned by their birth parents. Give them time to settle down, and don’t give up if they reject you in the beginning. Communicate with your child and
show them that they aren’t alone anymore.

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