The Mental Health Impact of being the “Mom” Friend

A group of friends typically consists of an extremely sweet one, a baddie, and a can’t-miss-the-mom friend. Whatever the group members count is, there is a mom friend, which is a common archetype, typically someone taking the whole responsibility of the members, offering emotional support, organising events and equipping the nurturing role. This dynamic characteristic comes up naturally, but for some hierarchies, the role becomes more ingrained and even expected over time. Although this role is significantly marked to be equipped by a certain individual at a time, it can affect mental health a lot over time. 

The mom friend, just like Monica in Friends in a Context, keeps the group glued together and provides a significant shoulder to cry on and a voice of reason amidst the chaos. Let’s dive more into the fascinating world of mom-friend psychology and uncover its secrets. 

Traits of a Mom Friend 

The “mom” friend is basically coined for the friend who typically stands up for everyone, lends a shoulder, and becomes the whole support system despite the issue. They might be the ones reminding us to drink water, ensure everyone has a ride home and make sure nobody feels left out. They are often considered the go-to person when someone requires anything or is in immense trouble. However, even though these traits sound empowering and help to build bonds within a group, they also somehow create an emotional burden. A mom friend, as the term interprets it, is necessarily a term affectionately used to describe that particular friend who always seems to have everything sorted and under control. They have this uncanny behaviour to keep everyone in line. 

The Positive side: Connection and Purpose 

For many people, being the mom’s friend brings a sense of purpose and connection. The qualities particularly defining this role can help foster strong, supportive friendships. Particularly the person in this role, has a lot of pressure. Offering a little advice and care can cheer up their day. Making them feel heard and seen and filling them with happiness. 

1. Taking care of others and helping others out provides a sense of fulfilment that nothing else can do for a lot of individuals it can be immensely gratifying. The mom friend thus can feel satisfied by being the dependable one. 
2. The act of caring and the act of service that they provide to others strengthens the relationship. Taking emotional as well as physical responsibilities towards everyone is a big thing, and they enjoy it as well and handle the role perfectly.
3. Getting praised for their actions and appreciation can boost their self-esteem. Thus motivating them to indulge more and take up more responsibilities. 
4. The ability to organise, plan and manage situations gives them a sense of competence, which positively impacts their mental health. 

Read More: Importance of Friendships and Their Impact on Mental Health

The Other Side

As discussed, Mom’s friend experiences positive feelings from taking this role; there could be other negative effects on the person’s health. They often can end up facing issues and problems with this behaviour. Emotional burnout is the primary thing that occurs by constantly looking after everyone. Over time, the responsibility can be overwhelming, and the individual may start to feel exhausted and undervalued. 

1. Constantly tending to provide emotional support can make the person feel drained and can lead to burnout. Although the “mom” friend constantly listens to the problems and helps in providing support as well as managing crises. 
2. The mom’s friend may struggle with setting boundaries. The no word is kind of non-existent for them. They are prone to be people-pleasing behaviour. 
3. One of the most significant challenges of being a mom friend is the lack of reciprocal care. 
4. Over time, due to all the support and care the efforts they put in, they can feel resentment.
5. Due to the strong sense of responsibility they feel, the mom’s friend might find it very difficult to ask for help. 

Having the perspective of the friend who is a caregiver tends to neglect the need for self-worth and personal identity. With time, the person may start to view themself as distinct from the rest of the unit only because they had a distinct role to play within the group structure, in this case, a subordinate position of a caregiver. If they are not able to meet the expectations for caring placed upon them, they are left feeling as though they are inadequate or a failure. In a manner that covers their personal needs, expectations and dreams, their identity gets lost in the identity of someone else, in this case, their friends.

Mental Health Impacts of Being “Mom” Friend

Read More: Are you suffering from Identity Crisis?

• Self-Identity Struggles: If an individual self-identifies as the caregiver friend, it becomes a definitive limitation on their other needs and self-satisfaction aside from caregiving. Therefore, without realizing it, they can lose control and feel directionless because they lose the ability to look at life as a tapestry made of multiple interacting relationships, including but not limited to family and friends.

• Difficulty Prioritizing Self-Care: If the person is solely focusing on taking care of others, it signifies that self-care will be ignored. The caregiver friend may struggle to carve out time for themselves as they are busy focusing on constantly helping other people. Long-term this can cause resentment and burnout.

• Imposter syndrome: Despite the whole nurturing character, the mom friend might sometimes end up feeling like they are just providing everything with a sense of tokenism and will end up feeling as faking it. 

Coping Strategies and Maintaining Balance 

• Set Boundaries: Healthy boundaries are important. The mom friend should let their group know what they need and can do, ensuring they don’t take on too much. It’s alright to say “no” or request assistance when necessary.
• Ask For Help: The mom’s friend would make sure to have a network where they also receive the kind of care and attention that they are giving others. Friends and Family can listen to them and lend support when its needed.
• Practice Self-Care: Self-care is essential. Taking time for oneself, whether through relaxation, hobbies, or simply being alone, can restore emotional energy and avoid burnout.
• Foster Reciprocity: Open communication is essential. The mom friend should encourage their friends to engage emotionally and practically to maintain a balanced relationship.
• Reclaim the Role: It’s worth noting that becoming the mom friend doesn’t equate to forfeiting one’s own needs. Reclaiming this role and accepting that it’s alright to put oneself first can create a more balanced and satisfying dynamic among the group.

Conclusion

Being the “mom friend” of a group can be both fulfilling and exhausting. While this role brings a sense of purpose, connection, and validation, it can also lead to emotional burnout, difficulty setting boundaries, and struggles with self-identity. It is essential for mom friends to strike a balance—offering support while also prioritizing their own well-being. Healthy boundaries, self-care, and fostering mutual support within friendships can help prevent exhaustion and ensure that the role remains rewarding rather than overwhelming. Ultimately, a strong and nurturing friendship should be a two-way street, where everyone gives and receives care in a balanced and healthy way.

FAQs 

1. How can it Impact your Mental Health?

Boost your happiness and lower your stress. Improve your self-confidence and feelings of self-worth.

2. Is it good to be a Mom Friend? 

Mom friends are experts at validating others’ feelings and lending a shoulder when needed. They are the group’s strongest support system and never say no to anyone in a mess.

3. How can toxic friendships affect everything?

Toxic friendships can often leave the person feeling stressed, and a negative self-image can develop.