Psychology behind External Validation

External validation is the approval we seek from others to feel accepted and included. At some point in life, we all desire this validation for who we are and what we do, which may be something as broad as how we look or something as specific as what others think of us. This is an innate human tendency and essential for our well-being. We find reassurance from our tiny circle or our loved ones that we are being good.

To seek external validation is to seek some sort of confirmation from others that we are fine or belong somewhere. This is a basic human need to feel safe, to feel seen, and to be accepted. While everyone seeks validation to one degree or another, some people rely on outside validation more than others; This makes sense because external validation triggers dopamine, the brain’s “feel-good” chemical, giving us a temporary boost of happiness. However, this effect fades quickly, If this habitual seeking of external validation does continue, we are constantly talking to additional validation just to exist and breathe momentarily.

What is external validation?

External validation sustains approval, praise, and recognition from other individuals. Such forms include compliments on how one looks, praise of accomplishments at work, or several social media likes and follows. While seeking external validation is a natural behavior, constant seeking of validation is paradoxically harmful, with significant consequences on mental well-being and self-esteem. External validation involves the beliefs regarding your self-worth that come right from sources outside yourself, most notably the opinions of other people about you and all that you do. Therefore, external validation can take many forms. One could say the most basic is getting a compliment about your appearance from a co-worker.

The Psychological roots of External Validation

From early childhood, validation from caretakers and authority figures is pursued by human beings. Psychologist Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development establish a sense of trust and confidence within children through positive reinforcement from their surroundings. This experience of validation from the above will develop early self-esteem and identity development.

External validation is closely linked to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, particularly in the belongingness and esteem levels. After fulfilling the basic physiological and safety needs, humans mainly seek love, belonging, and acceptance from members of groups. This is where external validation comes in, as it provides reassurance that we are recognized and allowed within our groups and communities.

Beyond belonging, validation also touches on the esteem level, where recognition, validation, and approval from others fuel one’s self-regard and confidence. Though good external validation should help an individual improve their self-esteem, too great a dependence on it can prevent one from attaining self-actualization, which is the topmost stage of Maslow’s hierarchy, in which one is fulfilled by oneself and is not driven by others’ approval to attain it.

Social comparison theory, introduced by Leon Festinger, provides another reason why people seek external validation. This theory postulates that people are motivated or demotivated in evaluating themselves based on how well they perform as compared to others. In a society that has been thoroughly implanted with social media, this comparison has reached an even more pronounced, further enforcing the quest for external validation.

How External Validation is Beneficial for Us?  

Notwithstanding its hazards, external validation has its perks when folded together with internal validation. Some of its benefits include:

• Facilitating personal growth – With proper justification, feedback from others helps one understand their strong and weak points; these can provide much impetus for personal and professional growth.
• Strengthen social bonds – Seeking validation will potentiate relationships between people, which shows the willingness to connect and to be part of the community. Acceptance through peers, family, or colleagues provides belongingness and emotional attachments.
• Boosts confidence – Compliment or justification builds on defeating negative self-perceptions and self-doubt, thus building the self-esteem of a person.
• Provides the motivation to succeed – External acknowledgment serves as a huge motivator to flourish in all domains whether in academic, professional, or personal achievement.

How external validation be dangerous for us?

Though external validation has many good points, falling for it way too much can lead to denunciation for the worst. 

• Erosion of Self-Worth: If one’s self-worth is absolutely dependent on external feedback, a person will feel inadequate in the absence of praise or when receiving criticism.
• Lack of Authenticity: The constant need for approval can compel a person to alter his behavior, opinions, or identity because his social expectations are more authentic than himself.
• Emotional Instability: An individual who bases her worth on external validation shifts between emotional highs and lows. She’d be ecstatic after praise and deeply distressed, anxious, or even depressed after receiving criticism.
• Increased Vulnerability to Manipulation: People wanting validation may be open to exploitation as, in their attempts to meet others’ expectations, many are simply juvenile enough to do just about anything, even at their own expense.
• Comparison Trap and Social Media Pressure: The rise of social media has exacerbated the need for external validation. Many individuals measure their self-worth based on likes, shares, and comments, which can lead to unhealthy social comparisons and dissatisfaction with their own lives.

Read More: The Gen Z Trend of Fake-Flexing: Self Affirmation or A Cry For Validation

How to Overcome your need for Constant External Validation?

Maintaining healthy emotions above all else involves a certain amount of balance between external and internal validation. Here are some strategies:

• Develop self-awareness: Knowing the craving for external validation and how it works can help one decide whether attention from others is what one desires.
• Cultivate self-validation: Practicing self-affirmation and acknowledging personal accomplishments without external reinforcement can build resilience and self-confidence.
• Minimize social media influence: Cut back exposure to social media or unfollowing particular accounts that trigger unhealthy comparisons, as such can aid greatly in tempering external validation.
• Engage in mindfulness and reflection work: Journaling, meditation, or therapy can help develop internal self-worth free from external approval.
• Surround yourself with accepting friends: Becoming friends with people who appreciate and respect you for who you are might be your most authentic validation.

Striking a balance between External and Internal validation

It is neither bidding nor unnecessary to be completely indifferent to external validations. Seeking some kind of validation is, therefore, a perfectly normal thing to expect, as it is essential for social acceptance and personal growth. The trick, of course, is to manage this and understand one is not better than the other. Balance external reactions with personal judgment; do not let them become the sole determinant of self-worth. Integrating external feedback with self-awareness and self-trust creates a more balanced and healthy self-esteem.

Conclusion

 External validation is a vital part of human interaction and plays a huge role in boosting confidence, enhancement, and furthering social contact. However, excessive dependence on it can wreak havoc by causing emotional instability, self-doubt, and debilitation of authenticity. In this way then, internal validation would be encouraged through self-awareness, self-love, and goal-setting on the part of the person having a bit more stimuli in enhancing core self-esteem. The balance to be sought between external and internal validation is a little mantra for leading a confident, authentic, and healthy life.