The Psychology Behind Romantic Relationships

Romance is a beautiful mystery that one finds hard to explain. It is more felt than expressed. Poets and songwriters often express these emotions, but to truly understand love, we might need the help of science to explain it. Romance can feel like being on a high. Some love is long-lasting while some is fleeting, why is it so? Love is a common human emotion, however it is difficult to comprehend. Psychologists and many researchers formulated theories to understand the psychology behind love and other emotional attachments.

Read More: The Psychology Behind Love and Romance

Stages of Romantic Relationship

Romantic relationships can develop in several ways: physical attraction, proximity, the similarity of attitudes, and complementarity traits among young people or even old. Thibaut and Kelley’s social exchange theory was proposed in 1959. The theory outlines romantic relationships with four stages:

• Sampling: Assessing the potential benefits of a relationship.
• Bargaining: Negotiating terms and expectations.
• Commitment: Achieving stability where rewards increase and costs decrease.
• Institutionalization: Establishing norms that promote long-term commitment for both partners.

Read More: Co-Dependency in Romantic Relationships

Theories of love

Psychologists have developed several theories of love:

1. Liking vs Loving

In 1970, Zick Rubin, a psychologist explained the difference between liking someone and loving someone. Liking someone involves enjoying their company and wanting to spend time together. In contrast, love is deeper and involves a strong desire for physical intimacy and connection. While liking someone is about enjoying each other’s presence, love is profound caring for the other person as much as one cares for themselves. He also proposed that three elements make up romantic love, namely.

• Predisposition to help
• Close bond and dependency 
• Exclusive and absorption feeling

Based on these elements, he developed a questionnaire to assess and rate one’s feelings, ranging from liking to loving.

Read More: The Role of Reciprocal Liking in Relationships

2. Colour Wheel Model of Love

In 1973, John Lee introduced another theory of love in his book titled “The Colours of Love”. In his theory, he compared different styles of love to colours. He identified three primary styles: eros (passionate love), ludus (playful love), and storge (friendly love).
The Greek language derives these words.

• Eros: It signifies passionate or erotic love which is characterized by physical and emotional connection with an ideal person.
• Ludus: It signifies love is a game. It is playful and fun but not serious focusing on enjoyment rather than commitment. Those who exhibit this type often avoid emotional ties.
• Storge: It signifies natural affection typically seen in familial love. This love develops through friendship, as shared interests foster deep affection for each other gradually.

Just like how primary colours mix to form a spectrum of hues, primary styles can be combined to form secondary love styles. In 1977, Lee expanded the list of love styles,

• Mania: This is the fusion of eros(passion) and ludus(game) that results in an obsessive type of love.
• Pragma: This is the fusion of ludus(game) and storge(affection) that results in a realistic and practical type of love.
• Agape: This is the fusion of eros(passion) and storge(affection) that results in selfless love.

Thus, the above 6 styles of love form Lee’s colour wheel model.

Read More: What Is Limerence? Is It Different From Love Feelings?

3. Triangular Theory of Love

In 1986, psychologist Robert Sternberg proposed the triangular theory of love which is composed of three components,

• Intimacy
• Passion
• Commitment

Different combinations of Stenberg’s three components result in different types of love. For instance, the combination of intimacy and commitment leads to compassionate love while blending passion and intimacy results in romantic love. According to Sternberg, relationships built on two or more elements tend to be more enduring than those based on a single component. When all three components are combined, the resulting love is the most enduring and the strongest. He coined the term “consummate love” to describe this powerful love.

Read More: Trait Theory in Relationships

4. Attachment Theory of Love

In 1987, researchers Cindy Hazan and Philip Shaver from the University of Denver shared their insights on the psychology behind love. Their theory was drawn from John Bowlby’s attachment theory. They described that romantic love functions like a biosocial process just like how children form attachments to their parents. According to the theory, the dynamics of a romantic relationship are influenced by early interactions with their parents in childhood. The attachment with their parents stems into adulthood and shapes romantic relationships. The three styles of adult attachment,

• Avoidant: Individuals with this style face struggles with developing trust and are uncomfortable with developing deep connections with others.
• Anxious/ambivalent: Individuals with this style are always worried that their partner doesn’t love them and tend to seek constant validation and closeness.
• Secure: As the name implies, this style is characterized by a sense of security. Individuals with this attachment style experience minimal fears of abandonment, resulting in healthier relationships.

The theory states that a secure attachment style is the healthiest type to form relationships. One tends to choose their attachment style based on their beliefs which influences the outcome of their romantic relationships.

5. Neuroscience of Love

Dr.Rachel Needle, an associate professor and coordinator of Clinical Experiences at South University in West Palm Beach asserts falling in love is linked with increased energy, narrowing of mental focus, and sometimes physical sensations like sweaty palms, light-headedness and a racing heart, also associated with a lot of positive emotions.

Many hormones are associated with experiences of love. Substances like oxytocin, phenethylamine, and dopamine are found at elevated levels when individuals are in love or meet their romantic partners. These hormones function similarly to amphetamines making one alert, excited and desire to bond.

“A person newly in love sees the world through the lens of love and most everything is tolerable and everything their partner does is delightful,” explains Kane, a marriage and family therapist.

He also adds that, “Romantic love evolves when one feels a sense of interdependence, attachment, and that their psychological needs are being met. Some researchers say oxytocin plays a part in the evolution of romantic love as it is released in the brain during orgasm, which contributes to the couple’s ability to bond with one another.”

Read More: The Impact of Low Self-Esteem on Relationships: Insights from Psychologists

Conclusion

In conclusion, psychology talks about how communication, emotional connection and mutual respect are built both physically and mentally in a romantic relationship. Psychologists and many researchers formulated theories to understand the psychology behind love and other emotional attachments. Thus, a romantic relationship is about to build an intimate connection with someone. You must put in enough effort to keep the romance alive over time.

FAQs

1. What is a romantic relationship in psychology?

According to psychologists, a romantic relationship is when two people form an intimate connection based on attachment, interdependence and a sense of their needs being met. 

2. What is the meaning of a romantic relationship?

It means to have an intimate connection and relationship with another person.

3. What are the different attachment styles in a relationship?

There are three attachment styles namely secure, anxious, and avoidant. They shape how individuals relate to partners which impacts trust, intimacy, and relationship satisfaction.

4. What is consummate love?

Psychologist Robert Sternberg defined consummate love, as the most complete form of love, incorporating intimacy, passion, and commitment.

5. What hormones are involved in love?

Hormones such as oxytocin, dopamine, and phenethylamine are associated with love and bonding.