What is Adult Entitled Dependencies?

The term is used to point out the instances when an adult wants to be attended to all the time without taking responsibility for their actions or well-being. It’s when they want you to take care of them. They hold you accountable for their well-being and they are being careless. This behaviour stems from a sense of entitlement, when the person thinks you owe them special treatment or assistance, without them having to work for it. This makes it difficult for you to keep up with their behaviour. Common behaviours and attitudes associated with it 

• Difficulty handling criticism: one with entitled dependencies often struggles to handle criticism or even the slightest feedback, and starts getting defensive.
• Lack of initiative: people with entitled dependencies do not have that motivation or an action-taking attitude. They lack that inner push to pursue their goals.
• Avoiding responsibility: people with adult entitled dependencies seem to run away from taking responsibility for their actions or facing the consequences of their choices. They’d always want you to make it up for them, and solve their issues. 
• Constantly seeking approval: such people tend to seek constant validation and approval from others Wanting reassurance and validation to feel important and attended all the time.
• Entitle mentality: such people showcase a high sense of entitlement. They always feel that everybody owes them special treatment or privileges without putting in the required hard work. 
• Dependency on others: such people depend on others to take charge of what’s up in their lives emotionally and financially. They’d seek others to make decisions on their behalf. 

What distinguishes a healthy dependency from an entitled dependency 

Let’s talk about healthy dependence, these people tend to channel their strengths and weaknesses and they know where they need somebody’s help when it’s very necessary. They are equally invested when you need them and believe in mutual respect and support. Healthy dependence means cooperation. It leads to personal growth and better interpersonal relationships. 

On the other hand, entitled dependencies mean that the other person has nothing to bring to the table when you need them. They are already very self-absorbed, all they want is, for you to take care of their needs, wants and demands. They don’t actively keep a check on what’s up with your life. They’d only poke you when they are in need. They are poor listeners. This can lead to a bad relationship and hinder growth in life.  Some of the examples to let you know when it’s entitled behaviour and when it’s a reasonable request for support 

Entitled behaviour 

1. When they want you to drop what’s on your priority and attend to them. 
2. When they ask for special treatments or favours without making efforts to learn it.
3. When they seek you to agree on their opinions without giving your own opinion or perspective. 

Reasonable request for support

1. When someone asks you to help them with moving furniture and in return offers to help you when you need them.
2. When they seek advice from you on a challenging project later are open to feedback and suggestions for improvement.
3. They seek emotional support from you during tough times but they don’t disappear when you need them in your hardships behind. 

Psychological factors behind Adult entitled dependence 

People who have had overindulgent parenting in their childhood, who were often pampered and attended a lot more than needed, often expect to be taken care of by others as well.  As a child, when one isn’t educated to respect others’ boundaries and has limits, one often has difficulty keeping up with them in childhood. 

When kids are not given any responsibility or have been shielded from consequences by parents, they tend to struggle with holding themselves responsible and accountable for their actions. People with narcissistic traits tend to show all these behaviours that we talked about. 

People with low self-esteem seem to flaunt entitled behaviour to defend themselves to compensate for their sense of insecurity. Those with avoidant personalities tend to show entitled behaviour to run away from risks and challenges and need constant reassurance. 

Coping strategies and solutions for people with entitled dependence

1. Set boundaries: Be mindful, and respect boundaries. Learn to communicate. 
2. Self-reflection: Try to sit with yourself and introspect. Ask the why question and try to have an honest answer. 
3. Practice gratitude: Cherish the relationship that you have. Be thankful and reciprocate what others do to support you. 
4. Therapy: Do not run away from seeking professional help. It might let you understand yourself better. You may learn to improve. 
5. Take responsibility: Be accountable. Take constructive feedback. Work on your weak areas. Show acceptance. Own your mistakes and try to improve. 

Since it’s not just an us or them problem it’s an issue that affects the lives of people around these entitled fellows. There is something we can suggest to their friends and families. Try communicating even if it sounds brutal. Ask them to respect boundaries. Do not spoon feed rather guide and try making them capable of navigating ways on their own. Motivate them to consult mental health professionals.