I” or “we” in a Relationship: Reveals your choices

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Have you ever wondered why and when you use “I “or “we” when you talk about a relationship?

Have you ever sat down and speculate about what does that actually mean? Using pronouns like “I” and “we” in a relationship could actually affect the way you represent your partner. According to the latest study published in the journal ‘Social Psychology and Personality science’ suggests that Love in first degree shows Individual Differences in first person pronoun use and attachment style.

In their Research performed, they had over 1,400 observations drawn from seven studies toexamine relationship between Adult Romantic Attachment and Pronoun use. Results showed that, people with anxious and avoidant attachment styles were found to be positive with ‘I-talk’ and negative with ‘we-talk’, which meant that the pronouns they used to describe their romantic experiences give us the idea of attachment with their partner.

In a latest interview of Dunlop, one of the authors of the article says, that previous works have shown that people using pronouns while telling about numerous things tells us about their levels of neuroticism. They also found out that people whom they referred as ‘anxious and avoidant’ are the ones who like to stay away from emotional closeness in relationships. They tend to use more ‘I’ than ‘we’ while talking about romantic relationships.

Furthermore, it was also found out that people who have higher level of attachment anxiety and avoidance i.e. the insecure attachment use greater proportions of I- word (i.e. I, Me and Mine) and a lower proportions of we-word ( i.e. ours, us) as compared to people who have a more secure attachment style. They also found that people who display the avoidant attachment style is because of their previous relationship experiences, and they are uncomfortable getting close to others and/or depending upon them.

The results are meaningful for few reasons. First, being that it provides an evidence that what words we use to describe our previous romantic experiences gives us clues or ideas about how a person thinks, feels or behaves in a romantic context.

Second reason, when people use self-assessment to asses attachment styles, they are often unaware of the pronouns they use while telling their autobiographical experiences. So the clue or idea may be less impactful due to self-presentation biases.

So, at present we do not know the pronouns that people use differ depending on their attachment style or is it something else. It is moreover not surprising that people avoid we-talk because their attachment style are often associated with a disapproval for intimacy and closeness. However, the researchers feel that more research needs to be done regarding this issue.