8 subtle things to do when you are feeling Worthless

Upon looking at the bright sky, have you ever felt gloomy, which resembles nothing from the warm and soothing weather? And then, you would say to yourself, “ahh. How wholesome of the weather! I wish I could feel so about myself”. YES. And often, its hurtful. It reflects in us a sense of worthlessness. A voice in our mind, that constantly whispers,

“I am not enough for this”
“I am incapable”
“I am a loser”
“I am a failure”
“I am WORTHLESS. I don’t deserve this”

if you have ever felt so, don’t worry, you’re not alone.

All of us want to be loved and appreciated for who we are, and how we are. We wish to be accepted by the people we admire and love. But often our perception gets moulded in a way, to believe that we don’t deserve anything good in life. We tend to feel a heaviness in our heart that we are the burden this planet bears unnecessarily, and that we are worthless. In fact, this whole perception traps us in a little ‘death’ trap, involving immense guilt, self-blaming, feeling insignificant of ourselves, and declining self- esteem. It is a vicious cycle of all the negative feeling and pessimistic ideas that happens to increase overtime, if not addressed effectively. Under extreme circumstances, feelings of worthlessness become so intense that the person might believe that embracing death would be easier than keep living in this state.

The Social Perspective

It is often a socially induced difficulty that we go through. There are socially accepted forms of qualities among people which are defined in terms of social perception. And in this respect, the people of the society yields enough power to change the course of one’s life. For example, one of your neighbour’s “you son’s studying hotel management? Mine got into medical this year, being a topper of his class” is an attack strong enough to break one’s morale.

Read More: The Psychology of Self-Perception

Then there will be comments like, “why is your daughter studying humanities? Couldn’t get into science??”, “I suggest you apply this turmeric ubtan on her face and body, thrice every week. That way, she could get better skin”, “oho, your daughter’s so fat. It will be difficult to find her a groom”. I personally believe, that everyone of us, for at least once in our lives, have faced such a situation where our worth was reduced to how much we have accomplished in comparison to someone else, or to how we look, the way we behave, our body features, etc.

If we continue to persist in a environment like this, this will not only break our heart, but our self-confidence, self-esteem and self-image. How strange, right? Few comments from people we are least concerned about hold the ability to change our whole perception of ourselves. Moreover, this change may influence our take on every other aspect of our lives in the long-run, if not addressed effectively.

Nevertheless to mention, it takes a long way for the society to influence an individual’s perception to make them feel worthless about themselves. It involves the role play of societal expectations, parental control and expectations, social class, family background, economic status, and most importantly, social support. Adequate social support has the ability to single handedly surpass the negative effects of any other social mal-influence affecting the life of the person. In other words, it is the medicine that has the power to cure any socially dysfunctional evil-eye.

Feelings of worthlessness could be a consequence of the following:

• Low self esteem, leading to low self-confidence and low self-worth.
• Back to back failures in different aspects, followed by lack of appreciation and encouragement by close and dear ones.
• Suffering from disorders like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, social phobia, etc. leads to developing this symptom of feeling worthless about self.
• In our society, where books are said to be not judged by their covers, ironically enough, people are actually judged by their ‘covers’; looks. That judgement often trigger feelings of worthlessness among people.
• Constant comparison of one, with others, in terms of their performance, achievements and success rates.
• When one’s genuine efforts are not acknowledged.
• Any form of recent or Childhood trauma, like domestic or sexual abuse, getting into some accident, losing someone very close gets directed inwards, where the person takes the blame of whatever happened, on themselves, thereby feeling worthless.

According to Associations between childhood maltreatment and adult depression: a mediation analysis | BMC Psychiatry, there is authentic evidence of association between childhood trauma (in terms of domestic and sexual abuse) with depression in adulthood. And according to the clinical picture of depression (DSM-5), feelings of worthlessness is its significant symptom.

• Broken family due to divorce or death of a parent often results in developing feelings of worthlessness in the person in the guise of victim-blaming.
• Unrealistic expectations and views of perfectionism, which could be self-driven or society- driven.
• Having a lack of purpose in life. In other words, the inability to figure out what to do with your life; having no, or insignificant ambitions often results in feelings of worthlessness.

As the feeling is quite subjective in nature, the following could be the 8 things to do, when someone feels worthless about themselves:

1. To be Kind to yourself:

Being kind to yourself essentially refers to be kind and receptive to one’s own feelings and behaviours, even if no one else is. The world has its own ways and expectations from different classes of people. Despite that, every individual is unique, with their own kind of interests, likes and dislikes. Just because the world is not understanding your thought processes or actions, they don’t become meaningless. Your worth depends on how you value yourself.

Read More: Choose Self-compassion

2. Be accepting of your Flaws, cause zindagi hain jeenewalon ki:

Every individual has their own flaws. Some of the flaws are disappointing, while some others are terrible to have. Notwithstanding this fact, it is the presence of those flaws that makes one unique and stand out in the crowd. Moreover, it is the presence of those flaws that has the potential to guide us through, and form a better sense of self by working hard to achieve a more meaningful life.

Read More: Why Self-Acceptance Important for Mental Well-Being

3. Be mindful of when your sense of ‘Worthlessness’ strikes:

Feelings of worthlessness may or may not persist for a long time at a stretch. It’s intensity however varies with one’s experiences. Here, the key is to attain self-control on one’s own thoughts and feelings when this sense of worthlessness strikes. It is important to challenge and counter attack on the negative thoughts about self when they cloud our mind and leave us confused and feeling worthless about ourselves. It involves constantly reminding oneself that “I am not worthless”, “I am more than what others think of me, or make me feel about myself”.

Honestly, it takes a lot of courage to counter our own thoughts who are constantly picking on us, trying to make us believe that we are worthless and deserve to fall apart. But, this one step, if taken courageously, could be immensely helpful in lessening these negative feelings of worthlessness.

4. Turn a Deaf Ear to each and every Social Comparison that Demeans your Value:

When all means fall short, this is the ultimate way to crack the deal. It starts with completely ignoring the point of view of others, who hold no importance in influencing your life. They said “you should take up science, it has a lot of opportunities”. In its reply, you say, “thank you. I’ll mind my business, you may mind yours”. Nevermind. The crux of the matter is to let such people know that their opinions, feelings and “well wishing” doesn’t define your worth. In fact, it is quite healthy for one’s psychological well-being, to stay away from such stereotyped social parameters that tend to define every individual’s worth along the same line of qualities.

Read More: Social comparison in the age of Social media

5. To set Self-Achievable and Personalized Goals:

Make and follow a routine that lists all your accomplishments for the day, no matter how small that is (for say, completing one chapter from textbook, or exercising for 15 minutes in a day). Design every small step very minutely, so that they are self-achievable. This will ensure consistent and small successes over time, thus boosting one’s idea of their own self, therefore increasing their self-worth.

6. Try to focus your Attention on Doing Something for Someone Else:

Doing anything prosocial in itself bears a component of emotional wellbeing. And in fact, nothing could be more worthy that doing something for someone else. Evidently, people in professions that deal with the lives of others directly, like that of doctors, lawyers, lower rank police officers and psychologists, attain greater satisfaction through their work, than people with occupying higher positions and income strata. Nevertheless to mention, the feelings of worthlessness is essentially directed towards the person him/herself. So, directing the same attention onto doing something helpful for someone else not only sublimates that negative feelings into a positive outcome, but also enhances one’s mental wellbeing. Eventually, it lifts up their sense of self and worth.

Read More: Psychology of Self-Criticism

7. Spend some Quality time with people who genuinely Love, Care and Accept you the way you are:

As mentioned earlier, worthlessness is often induced socially, through imposing the age old social standards and expectations in evaluating one’s accomplishments. In this regard, as sociologists and psychologists believe, it is important for a person to surround them with positive people. Greater the positivity, greater would be the subjective wellbeing. Hence, it is important to make company who are genuine, and understand you the way you are.

8. Engage in Activities you enjoy:

Everyone of us feel worthless at some point of our time. But you know, when we don’t feel delighted instead of worthless? – when we are doing something we love, cherish and take pleasure to do. For example, a reader won’t mind the opinions of others when when he/she is reading their favorite book. A foodie won’t pay heed to people questioning their body weight when they are relishing their favorite delicacy. Likewise, if we keep engaging into activities we like, then this will increase our sense of happiness and help us believe that this is not the end. There is more to explore. There is more to live for.

Conclusion

Feelings of worthlessness develop from the interaction of one’s personality and the social environment of the individual. If the individual is vulnerable to taking up to whatever going around, no matter how authentic that is, he/she is bound to face emotional turmoil in the long run. Also, is the social environment around the person is not considerate, but is critical and judgemental, it wouldn’t be a surprise for the person to develop depressive and anxiety symptoms overtime, including feelings of worthlessness.